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13 Days of Friday the 13th: The Top 13 Slashers in Horror Movie History

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With the heavily hyped and much-anticipated “re-imagining” of Friday the 13th now within sight, Brad asked yours truly to compile the definitive list of the most memorable and psychotic killers to ever hack and chop their way across the silver screen. This was definitely the most fun list to put together–composed, as it is, entirely of my own subjective opinion. And so, dear readers, it’s important to remember that as much as we may love these adorable lunatics, they are fictional characters, and so “ranking” them is a strictly arbitrary endeavor. I therefore invite you to turn off your brains and enjoy a little shameless horror geekery.
13 Days of Friday the 13th

The Top 13 Slashers in Horror Movie History

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13. The Fisherman (I Know What You Did Last Summer)



Appearances: 3
Weapon of choice: Hook

The raincoat-wearing star of I Know What You Did Last Summer, the Fisherman character itself was probably the only cool thing to come out that series. Plus, he was inspired by a classic urban legend, which only adds to the cool factor.

12. Angela Baker (Sleepaway Camp)



Appearances: 5
Weapon of choice: Curling iron

Just when you thought it was safe to go to Sleepaway Camp. Wait, did anyone ever think that was safe? The gender-challenged “Angela” is one unhappy camper, driven by her/his even kookier aunt to go Columbine on Camp Arawak.

11. Kenny Hampson (Terror Train)



Appearances: 1
Weapon of choice: Knife

Jamie Lee Curtis just can’t catch a break. In Terror Train, she’s stalked by a wannabe fratboy gone mental. Hampson is quite the inventive looney too, continuously changing into the outfits worn by his costume party victims. Gotta love the Groucho mask.

10. Ghostface (Scream)



Appearances: 3
Weapon of choice: Bowie knife

A grand total of five different serial killers assume the Ghostface mantle over the course of the Scream trilogy. Along the way, Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson proved that even by deconstructing slasher movies, you can create an iconic slasher.

9. Chucky (Child’s Play)



Appearances: 5
Weapon of choice: Knife

Perhaps the most unlikely of all slashers, this cute little doll possessed by the soul of serial killer Charles Lee Ray even goes on to take a bride and have a son–all while being voiced by Brad Dourif.

8. Candyman (Candyman)



Appearances: 3
Weapon of choice: Hooked appendage

Also inspired by popular urban legend, the mythic Candyman is brutal, merciless, and unrelenting. He’s also just about the only African American movie slasher, proving that whether white or black, underneath we’re all red anyway.

7. The Miner (My Bloody Valentine)



Appearances: 2
Weapon of choice: Pickaxe

There’s been a renewed interest in this guy thanks to the current 3-D remake of the 1981 Canadian cult classic My Bloody Valentine. You have to give him points for creativity and a bad-ass outfit, as well as for keeping his true identity secret for so long.

6. Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)



Appearances: 5
Weapon of choice: His teeth

So is Hannibal really a slasher in the true sense? Did you see the cage scene with the security guards in The Silence of the Lambs? Ok, then. Mr. Lector may have been portrayed by two acclaimed actors and featured in an Oscar-winning film, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t one of the boys.

5. Leatherface (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)



Appearances: 6
Weapon of choice: Chainsaw

Top five time, here come the heavy hitters. This transvestite cannibal butcher is a nightmare on two legs. He’s also the earliest in the grand tradition of mute, mentally challenged horror movie killers.

4. Norman Bates (Psycho)



Appearances: 5
Weapon of choice: Kitchen knife

The first, and in the opinion of some, still the greatest. Hitchcock invented the slasher genre with this character in his 1960 masterpiece, Psycho. Despite his historical significance, Norman loses a few points for being more human and sympathetic than most of the slashers who followed him.

3. (Friday the 13th)



Appearances: 11
Weapon of choice: Machete

Surprise, surprise–even on the eve of the brand new remake, the man in the hockey mask only makes it to number three. Nevertheless, ol’ Jason is without question the most resilient of all slashers. Timex has nothing on this dude.

2. Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)



Appearances: 9
Weapon of choice: Knife-tipped glove

When it comes to a winning personality, no one on this list has anything on the bastard son of a thousand maniacs. Not only can he kill you in your dreams, he’s also never without a one-liner at the ready. Not to mention his fashion sense!

And finally, the number one slasher in horror movie history…

1. Michael Myers (Halloween)



Appearances: 9
Weapon of choice: Kitchen knife

Norman Bates may have been the first, but when it comes to the one figure that is the most influential, and the most responsible for the rise of the slasher subgenre, there’s only one choice. In his gas-station-attendant onesy and freaky Bill Shatner mask, the Shape is the personification of horror. He’s got the theme music, he’s got the puppy-dog head-lean, and he invented that whole get-up-from-anything gimmick. He’s been slashing for 30 years now, and still keeps coming back.

For more news and opinions on the world of horror, including an in-depth look at remakes of the past, the top 10 scariest paintings of all time, and a full preview of 2009, check out Brian’s daily blog, The Vault of Horror

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Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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