Editorials
[Special Feature] 10 Actors We’d Like To See Do Horror!
A lot of times bigger names tend to steer clear of the horror genre. It’s often not seen as prestigious, the budgets are lower (and thus the salary) and it’s rarely recognized come awards time. Sometimes it’s the choice of the actor not to indulge in the more bloody side of things, and sometimes their representation simply guides them away from it.
Contrary to popular belief, most horror fans are able to enjoy many films that are well outside the genre. I’ve personally noticed that many of my colleagues have an affinity for romantic comedies (myself included), however strange that may seem.
With that being in mind, have you ever been watching one of your favorite actors and wondered why they’ve only rarely (if at all) dipped their toes into your favorite category of film? I can’t put words into the mouths of people on this list – but I bet more of them than you would suspect would actually like to “slum it” a bit in the killing fields.
Either way, here’s a list of people I’d like to see get in the horror game every once in a while. While a couple of those singled out have actually been in a few slashers (etc…) at the very beginning of careers – many of them have never had the chance to be horribly murdered (or survive a series of horrible murders) onscreen.
Hit the jump to check it out and be sure to list any I may have missed in the comments!
He embodies an intriguing mix of aloof and charming masculinity in his iconic role as Don Draper on AMC’s “Mad Men” and his surprisingly impeccable comic timing has been on display for a while now in projects like “30 Rock” and Bridesmaids. But I think we’re missing out on the truly momentous horror performance he might have inside of him.
If there’s anybody out there who could pull off an A-list version of the “Ash”-type hero, it’s him. He’d also be a killer defensive patriarch in any home invasion thriller. Need an affably handsome serial killer who could lure unsuspecting gals into his Volkswagon? He’s your guy.
If you’re one of the few people who watches “Community” you already know how hilarious he can be as the wonderfully naive Troy Barnes. In addition to being a wonderfully subtle comic presence, he’s a great physical performer as well. It’s that combination of abilities that would make him a great horror protagonist. I’d love to see him in a madcap Evil Dead 2 type of role. And his face is so innocent, he’d probably make for a highly unsettling villain as well.
I know a lot of people who are on the Zooey Deschanel hate train, which I don’t quite get. I can certainly understand her not being someone’s cup of tea – and I pretty much can’t stand “New Girl” – but as a performer she’s inoffensive enough and I quite enjoyed her in Our Idiot Brother.
What I haven’t enjoyed her in is a good slasher, which is a shame because she’s got super expressive eyes that would be a great asset to any “final girl” role.
Despite the presence of vampire/werewolf shenanigans, the Twilight films don’t really count as horror. Not to me, at least. While Kendrick is on the rise due to her wonderful roles in Up In The Air and 50/50, her agents are probably doing their best to keep the horror scripts away from her dance card. What a waste. She’s such a delightfully smart, quick witted and sexy screen presence that she’d be a welcome addition to the genre. Her effortless incredulity would provide the audience the ultimate in relatable access points for anything supernatural.
Okay, okay, okay. So he was in Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers, but that was way before he was Paul F*cking Rudd. He’s practically a hero and a legend at this point, not “the kid from Clueless”. I’m not sure which subgenre of horror I’d like him best in, but I’d almost like to see him return to the world of slashers – albeit ones without Druid mythology. If Friday The 13th Part 6: Jason Lives was ever remade for absolutely no reason – I’d totally cast him as a 40 year-old Tommy Jarvis. Realistically, if he were ever to do another horror film, we’d probably have to settle for him as the beleaguered dad of “one of the kids”.
Jason Segel’s roles in “Freaks And Geeks” and Forgetting Sarah Marshall, cemented him as another incredibly relatable performer. Someone who could translate misgivings you may have about yourself to the screen in a superbly warm-hearted manner. He’s an exceptionally honest mainstream performer, great at making his audience see their flaws less as shortcomings and more as attributes.
Which is a long way of saying that’s it’s a blast to see him frightened onscreen. Now we just need to give one of his characters a much more visceral reason to scream.
Why bother even writing a paragraph about him? When has he ever been less than amazing? He’s already played monsters of sorts in Gangs Of New York and There Will Be Blood – I say we give him an even broader canvas to go bananas.
What horror role do you think he’d fancy enough to let drag him away from shoe-cobbling?
Clooney’s actually been in at least three horror movies. The little seen Grizzly: The Concert, as well as Return Of The Killer Tomatoes and, of course, From Dusk Till Dawn. But it’s been a good, long while since our modern day Cary Grant (or whomever) has hit us up with an entry in our favorite genre. He’s mastered a soft, pragmatic menace (and charm) that would be perfect for a number of roles. What would you like to see him take on?
We can only hope Fright Night never gets remade again, but he’d make a great Jerry Dandridge – even if he would never in a million years take that part.
Another performer who could play victim or killer with equal success. She’s quite sweet-natured in at least 99% of her onscreen work – but there’s a steely and determined undercurrent to her presence that could actually be frightening. Her matter-of-fact clarity could turn terrifying perfect if she ever chose to go the psychopath route.
After making a huge splash, literally and figuratively, as Alexandra King in The Descendants Shailene Woodley has been emblazoned on my radar as a highly capable dramatic and comedic performer. She’s certainly got the acerbic and angry “don’t f*ck with me” vibe down, but what made her truly special in that film was her ability to slyly reveal wounded, caring layers of her character that necessitated that defense mechanism.
I could see her taking down Jason, no problem.
Disagree? Have a suggestion? Let us know in the comments! Who do you want to see kill or be killed?
Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.
This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.
Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.
The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.
You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.
Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.
In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.
In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.
Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.
However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.
Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.
Not a good idea.
Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).
Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.
A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.
At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.
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