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5 80’s/90’s Horror Toys That Need to Make a Comeback

Something about the 80’s and 90’s brought some really crazy yet awesome toys. In fact, I’m really not seeing toys of the same caliber, the same inventiveness, and the same batshit “What were you even thinking?” quality these days. It’s because of this void that I found myself recalling toys that I grew up with or wanting, the toys that seemingly made no sense and yet, at the same time, made all the sense in the world.

Below are five horror toys from the 80’s and 90’s that really stood out to me as being special. I’d love to see them make a comeback, even if most parents would probably say that they’re traumatizing their children. You know what? Fuck those people and fuck PC culture. I want my toys to scream and ooze! I want them to creep me out even if they’re just sitting on a shelf! I want toys that actually make me go “Wow!” Is that really too much to ask?

Blurp Balls

Inception ain’t got NOTHIN’ on Blurp Balls! It’s a ball within a ball that shoots out when the larger ball is squeezed! Look at the above commercial and tell me that you don’t want one! That commercial was probably the bane of every parent’s existence during Saturday Morning Cartoons.

Madballs

These things were so crazy and popular that they were turned into a cartoon series AND a video game! Just look at how gross the “sick series” is, especially the one that looks like you’re squeezing its brains out of its head. These are the perfect stress ball for any horror fan!

Boglins

God, I remember how popular these were but also how it was damn near impossible to find them! It was like finding the holy grail when you stumbled across one in the toy store. For me, the real deal sealer was the box, which was a faux cage meant to “hold” the boglin in place. Such a nifty idea because that made the packaging part of the toy!

Stretch Screamers Blisters

It’s Stretch Armstrong with a horror twist, so how can you go wrong? Look at how colorful the “blisters” get when squeezed! On top of being gruesome, it’s also rather pleasant to look at!

My Pet Monster

Who wouldn’t want a large stuffed ogre-esque creature that had breakaway chained cuffs? Plus, it was large enough that you could use to stomp through your Lego towns and couch forts. What a perfect stuffed animal for causing chaos and then culminating in some harmless snuggling!



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COMMENTS

28 Comments
  • Boonraiser

    I remember other kids having a My Pet Monster, Boglin and Mad Balls. Always wish I had one of my own though. The Boglins were great. Still remember how the rubber/foam material felt. Too bad you still can’t buy Ooze from those coin operated toy machines. Was probably toxic.

  • SlothyPunk

    I had something called a Magic Monster. It was a Christmas present from my Auntie and it scared the hell out of me so it lived in my parent’s bedroom cupboard until it was eventually thrown out.

  • The One and Only

    Scared the mother luvin’ crap out of my cousin with the Boglin. Practically shot through the passenger side of the car he was sitting in when I surprised him with it. That was a fun 14th birthday .

  • cp_iz

    I had Boglins and Madballs… those things were great! My parents never sprung for a MPM, but a couple of friends had him and I loved breaking the handcuffs. Those toys rocked so hard back then.

    Just had a look on eBay for some Boglins… them’s ain’t cheap.

  • Meisha’s Taint

    Thank you so much for putting everything on one page! I expected to have to load a half dozen pages. Great article that sure took me back

  • CB Punk

    Awe man now I really do wish I would of grabbed My Pet Monster before I moved out of my parents.

  • WALKTER

    Didn’t they release some Madballs in the 2000s sometime.

  • Evan3

    Wow, I loved the old Madballs ads in comic books. And I fucking LOVED Boglins as a kid. I need to find and buy one of those critters for my kids.

    • fluffdegoss3

      I had one add well,loved those littleguys

  • TheTwoJakes

    I used to play Michael Jacksons Thriller tape on my stepsisters Teddy Ruxpin….and just recently went through my old binders of Garbage Pail kids…ahhh, nostalgia is making me feel old.

  • Grimphantom

    WAIT….NO FREAKING INHUMANOIDS ON THE LIST!!! BLASPHEME!!!

    The madballs and Boglins are cool. I so remember i wanted My Pet Monster but never got one =/

    • Strogg

      Inhumanoids were awesome! The cartoon was pretty cool too! My brother and I had all 4 of the protagonist guys and that big green slime guy.

      • Nk

        Tendril, Metlar, and D’Compose were the main villains.

    • SpaceManSpliffz .

      That was the grossest and best cartoon all at the same time

  • Strogg

    I had a Boglin when I was a kid. I used to stick my weener inside it’s mouth!

  • Astro Zombie

    I still have my “Pet Monster.” Wish I still had my “Boglins” though.

  • GinsuVictim

    Teddy Ruxpin….scariest of all!

  • danny

    All this is idiotic and so are you JB.

  • CelticBull

    Professor.Horribilus.Food.Lab.

  • marklola12 .

    boglins came back couple year ago lol my nephew bought one

  • SpaceManSpliffz .

    Boglins and My Pet Monster are the shit!!! God I’m old

  • richfromnc

    The Monster Lab stuff was cool. I remember wishing for Michael Myers, Jason, etc. Action figures in the 80’s. I never saw any costumes of them either. The only thing I remember was the Freddy mask and glove.

  • JoeInTheBox
  • Tim Gosnell

    There’s a place in NJ called Space Farms and they have them on display!

    • Evan3

      That’s cool. What is that place? Where in Jersey?

      • Tim Gosnell

        Branchville

  • THGrimm

    I used to have a Stretch Screamer that was either a werewolf of Frankenstein monster type.. I can’t remember. Also, recently discovered the awesomeness that are Boglins because my friend acquired one by happenstance at Ohio University; I’m so jealous!

  • Halloween_Vic

    LOL all these were always like the SCARY/CREEPY versions of Firbys!

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