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What are Your New Years Horror Resolutions?

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Now that the merry holidays are over, we have one last major event in 2015 to look forward to: New Years Eve! It’s a night to reflect on a year ending and to also celebrate the start of a new year, a new opportunity to make things change, to better ourselves, our careers, those around us, etc…

As with every year, there are promises that we make to ourselves that we end up not keeping, which kinda sucks and makes us feel a bit guilty. I know that I’m absolutely guilty of not following through on my resolutions, although I’ll be honest and say that I rarely make any these past few years. Better to not promise anything so as to not disappoint myself, right?

Well, you know what? Fuck that. I’m going to make some promises because I do want to change! I do want to change who I am in regards to many things. But for this occasion I’m going to talk about several resolutions I’m going to make when it comes to horror.

Check out mine and then let me know what some of yours are!

1. Be more critical

I know this might seem like a strange one but as I’m getting older I realize that I want better from the movies I watch. Sure I can turn off my brain for certain titles (I’m looking at you, TMNT 2) but if I’m intent on seeing a film that wants to be effective, I’m going to expect that from it. And horror does not get a pass in this regard.

Some of the very best horror movies that are widely discussed and revered are the ones that have substance, they have weight, they have gravity, and they have a certain unnameable feature that gives them a majestic quality that makes them lurk in your mind for days, weeks, months, and even possibly years after being viewed.

I want to watch horror movies that are smartly written. I want to see horror films that scare me and leave that fear lingering. I want to be able to discuss a horror film in regards to the societal and cultural themes it tackles and not just say, “It had great gore! And, WOW! Did you see those tits?” C’mon, we’re better than that.

I want horror to mean something to me. I want it to blow me away like so many films used to do. And that’s why I’m going to be critical. Because filmmakers won’t know that people like myself want this films unless they actually read it or see my frustrations. And I think it’s fair to push creators into uncomfortable places so that they do something that’s better than anything they’ve previously done and continue on that path of greatness. At least, here’s hoping that’s what happens.

2. Watch more horror movies, specifically in theaters

This one might seem strange but I honestly don’t get out of my place much. I work from home, which makes it very easy to get comfortable just sitting for hours at a time.

But no more. In 2016, I vow to see at least 10 horror movies in theaters, providing that at least 10 horror movies are released in theaters close to me (which is almost a 100% certainty). There’s something magical about going to a movie theater and seeing a film on a gigantic screen with a (hopefully) great sound system. That experience simply cannot be recreated at home (unless you live in a mansion), so I should be taking full advantage of it.

Furthermore, I want to watch at least one horror movie a week on top of those theater trips. That means I want to watch at least 62 horror movies in 2016, which I feel is a fair number. I probably watched that many in 2015 without realizing it, so I’m good with this arrangement.

My recommendation to keep me on track (if you want to help) is to bug me constantly on Twitter so that you know I’m keeping good on my promises.

3. Bring awesome horror content to BD

I don’t know if you readers realize it but a huge portion of my life revolves around each and every one of you. I constantly am thinking if something matches your needs and wants after keeping an eye on what you love to read. I’m always brainstorming ideas for new kinds of content and how to make it happen. Implementation is a bitch, I tells ya.

But I have a sneaking suspicion that 2016 will see some new and awesome means of bringing you great news, original content, and other fun events and I can only hope that you all enjoy it.

And with that, I want to end this piece by getting a little personal and saying thank you to each and every one of you readers. 2015 was a huge year for Bloody-Disgusting and 2016 is shaping up to be even better. I mean, it’s our 15th anniversary, so you better believe we’re excited and have plans to celebrate everything!

Happy New Year to all and, from the bottom or our horror-fueled hearts, thank you for everything.

Managing editor/music guy/social media fella of Bloody-Disgusting

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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