Connect with us

Editorials

The 5 Most Obnoxious Children In Horror!

Published

on

Obnoxious Children

As in most movies, children can play an important part in horror movies. Sometimes though, those children can hamper your enjoyment of the film you’re watching. Be they bratty, evil, murderous, or just plain stupid, children in horror movies have the worst track record when it comes to being likable. Here are five of the worst offenders!

***SPOILERS BELOW***

Mara Chaffee – Village of the Damned

Village of the Damned may not be one of John Carpenter’s best movies, but it features one of his most memorable and brattiest villains. Mara (Lindsey Haun, True Blood) is a bitch of the highest order. The leader of a group of telepathic and mind-controlling children, her mere presence is enough to make you want to jump through the screen and give her a good slap across her face.


Lex Murphy – Jurassic Park

First of all: yes I’m qualifying Jurassic Park as a horror film. Many people group Lex and Tim together when talking about how annoying they are, but I maintain that Lex is the true obnoxious child of this duo. At least Tim snaps out of his fear and get shit done. Lex, with the exception of her restoring power to the control room, is just a whiny, cloying pre-teen. Some slack must be given to her since it is understandable for a child to be so freaked out while being attacked by dinosaurs, but she took it just a smidgen too far.


Charlie Sandin – The Purge

It’s not that Charlie is consistently annoying throughout the course of The Purge, it’s just that he makes one really stupid decision. On Purge night, when everything is supposed to be locked down, he opts to raise the security walls in his house to let in a stranger (Edwin Hodge) being stalked by a group of Purgers, thereby setting up the main conflict of the film. Of course, without that stupid decision, there would be no film, so you can’t complain about it too much. Actor Max Burkholder is no stranger to playing obnoxious children (anyone who watched him play Max Braverman on NBC’s Parenthood knows this better than anyone), so he gave it his all in The Purge.


Esther Coleman – Orphan

If you know the twist in Orphan, then you know that her inclusion on this list may be a bit of a cheat, but until that twist is made public, Esther is a demon child straight out of your nightmares. She’s also such a self-entitled little brat that even her quick death by neck-breaking doesn’t seem like it’s harsh enough.


Samuel Vanek – The Babadook

You didn’t think I would make a list about obnoxious children in horror movies and not include this little douchebag, did you? While he was played to perfection by actor Noah Wiseman, Samuel is hands down one of the most annoying children put in a film, horror or otherwise. It got to the point where you were practically begging for the titular bogeyman to eat him (or whatever it is the Babadook does, since he doesn’t actually kill anyone in the film). I get that the film is about a mother trying to get over the grief of losing her husband (with the Babadook as a personification of that grief), but this kid was too much. I wouldn’t have spent a single second saving him.

What are some other children in horror movies that bugged the crap out of you? Let us know in the comments below!

A journalist for Bloody Disgusting since 2015, Trace writes film reviews and editorials, as well as co-hosts Bloody Disgusting's Horror Queers podcast, which looks at horror films through a queer lens. He has since become dedicated to amplifying queer voices in the horror community, while also injecting his own personal flair into film discourse. Trace lives in Austin, TX with his husband and their two dogs. Find him on Twitter @TracedThurman

Editorials

Finding Faith and Violence in ‘The Book of Eli’ 14 Years Later

Published

on

Having grown up in a religious family, Christian movie night was something that happened a lot more often than I care to admit. However, back when I was a teenager, my parents showed up one night with an unusually cool-looking DVD of a movie that had been recommended to them by a church leader. Curious to see what new kind of evangelical propaganda my parents had rented this time, I proceeded to watch the film with them expecting a heavy-handed snoozefest.

To my surprise, I was a few minutes in when Denzel Washington proceeded to dismember a band of cannibal raiders when I realized that this was in fact a real movie. My mom was horrified by the flick’s extreme violence and dark subject matter, but I instantly became a fan of the Hughes Brothers’ faith-based 2010 thriller, The Book of Eli. And with the film’s atomic apocalypse having apparently taken place in 2024, I think this is the perfect time to dive into why this grim parable might also be entertaining for horror fans.

Originally penned by gaming journalist and The Walking Dead: The Game co-writer Gary Whitta, the spec script for The Book of Eli was already making waves back in 2007 when it appeared on the coveted Blacklist. It wasn’t long before Columbia and Warner Bros. snatched up the rights to the project, hiring From Hell directors Albert and Allen Hughes while also garnering attention from industry heavyweights like Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman.

After a series of revisions by Anthony Peckham meant to make the story more consumer-friendly, the picture was finally released in January of 2010, with the finished film following Denzel as a mysterious wanderer making his way across a post-apocalyptic America while protecting a sacred book. Along the way, he encounters a run-down settlement controlled by Bill Carnegie (Gary Oldman), a man desperate to get his hands on Eli’s book so he can motivate his underlings to expand his empire. Unwilling to let this power fall into the wrong hands, Eli embarks on a dangerous journey that will test the limits of his faith.


SO WHY IS IT WORTH WATCHING?

Judging by the film’s box-office success, mainstream audiences appear to have enjoyed the Hughes’ bleak vision of a future where everything went wrong, but critics were left divided by the flick’s trope-heavy narrative and unapologetic religious elements. And while I’ll be the first to admit that The Book of Eli isn’t particularly subtle or original, I appreciate the film’s earnest execution of familiar ideas.

For starters, I’d like to address the religious elephant in the room, as I understand the hesitation that some folks (myself included) might have about watching something that sounds like Christian propaganda. Faith does indeed play a huge part in the narrative here, but I’d argue that the film is more about the power of stories than a specific religion. The entire point of Oldman’s character is that he needs a unifying narrative that he can take advantage of in order to manipulate others, while Eli ultimately chooses to deliver his gift to a community of scholars. In fact, the movie even makes a point of placing the Bible in between equally culturally important books like the Torah and Quran, which I think is pretty poignant for a flick inspired by exploitation cinema.

Sure, the film has its fair share of logical inconsistencies (ranging from the extent of Eli’s Daredevil superpowers to his impossibly small Braille Bible), but I think the film more than makes up for these nitpicks with a genuine passion for classic post-apocalyptic cinema. Several critics accused the film of being a knockoff of superior productions, but I’d argue that both Whitta and the Hughes knowingly crafted a loving pastiche of genre influences like Mad Max and A Boy and His Dog.

Lastly, it’s no surprise that the cast here absolutely kicks ass. Denzel plays the title role of a stoic badass perfectly (going so far as to train with Bruce Lee’s protégée in order to perform his own stunts) while Oldman effortlessly assumes a surprisingly subdued yet incredibly intimidating persona. Even Mila Kunis is remarkably charming here, though I wish the script had taken the time to develop these secondary characters a little further. And hey, did I mention that Tom Waits is in this?


AND WHAT MAKES IT HORROR ADJACENT?

Denzel’s very first interaction with another human being in this movie results in a gory fight scene culminating in a face-off against a masked brute wielding a chainsaw (which he presumably uses to butcher travelers before eating them), so I think it’s safe to say that this dog-eat-dog vision of America will likely appeal to horror fans.

From diseased cannibals to hyper-violent motorcycle gangs roaming the wasteland, there’s plenty of disturbing R-rated material here – which is even more impressive when you remember that this story revolves around the bible. And while there are a few too many references to sexual assault for my taste, even if it does make sense in-universe, the flick does a great job of immersing you in this post-nuclear nightmare.

The excessively depressing color palette and obvious green screen effects may take some viewers out of the experience, but the beat-up and lived-in sets and costume design do their best to bring this dead world to life – which might just be the scariest part of the experience.

Ultimately, I believe your enjoyment of The Book of Eli will largely depend on how willing you are to overlook some ham-fisted biblical references in order to enjoy some brutal post-apocalyptic shenanigans. And while I can’t really blame folks who’d rather not deal with that, I think it would be a shame to miss out on a genuinely engaging thrill-ride because of one minor detail.

With that in mind, I’m incredibly curious to see what Whitta and the Hughes Brothers have planned for the upcoming prequel series starring John Boyega


There’s no understating the importance of a balanced media diet, and since bloody and disgusting entertainment isn’t exclusive to the horror genre, we’ve come up with Horror Adjacent – a recurring column where we recommend non-horror movies that horror fans might enjoy.

Continue Reading