Editorials
National Junk Food Day: 5 Killer Treats in Horror!
Today is National Junk Food Day! That means for those us constantly turning to the latest app in order to tally up their calories, checking lists to ensure they’re within their “points” limit, or merely nuking another cardboard flavored Lean Cuisine – throw caution to the wind! Hit up that Krispy Kreme on the way home from work. No one is looking. They won’t know that you have Pizza Hut on speed dial, or that you keep that bag of Hershey’s Treasures hidden under the sofa for an occasion such as this. Celebrate your gluttony today, the day of Junk!
While you’re indulging in one of the seven deadly sins, I’ve lined up some viewing material to accompany your culinary journey. Below are five of the examples from horror cinema proving the obvious; junk food is bad for your health! Just how deadly can it be? Personally, I’ve never looked at a greasy cheeseburger the same after seeing one of the flicks on the list. Bon appétit!
Troll 2 – Popcorn
It’s time for an embarrassing confession. When I was little, my brother and I tricked our grandmother into letting us rent the “Best Worst Movie,” Troll 2. It legitimately terrified me! I went to bed that night crying, because I was so scared the trolls (nay, goblins) were going to crawl out from under my bed and…turn me into green goop? It seemed like a legit possibility at the time. Despite now realizing Troll 2 is one on the goofiest films of all time, the below scene still skeeves me out. There’s something about the odd sexuality mixed with the most glorious junk food, popcorn, that just doesn’t sit right with me.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space – Cotton Candy
No junk food binge would be complete without a sweet helping of something sure to rot your teeth. Enter, cotton candy. The Chiodo Brothers crafted a gonzo horror comedy that has left fans clamoring for a sequel ever since the film’s release back in 1988. Killer Klowns from Outer Space is the definition of a cult classic: over the top, absurd, and it plays by its own rules far off the beaten path. These Klowns have ray guns that when zapped trap their victims in cotton candy cocoons in preparation of being “processed” later. The below clip even throws in more popcorn for good measure. “Because they’re clowns!”
Feed – Cheeseburger
2005’s Feed is kind of like Seven or Silence of the Lambs, only it’s centered around a serial killer who feeds his victims to death. Let that sink in for a second, a serial killer thriller centered around the exotic subculture of “feeding”. It’s a grim film that also manages to be morbidly humorous as well. Directed by Brett Leonard (The Lawnmower Man), Feed isn’t for everyone but is certainly worth a watch for those who can stomach the absurdity of the premise. Just remember, “Jelly Baby”, you can always recycle that brown fast food sack. They’re great for catching your sick after watching this clip.
The Stuff – The Stuff (duh)
When Larry Cohen and Michael Moriarty get together (Q: The Winged Serpent, It’s Alive 3: Island of the Alive), it’s a good bet that good times will be had by most. In 1985, “no fat” was plastered all over foodstuffs across the nation, and Cohen lampoons the diet craze to perfection in The Stuff. An alien parasite, masquerading as a sweet yogurty substance is mass marketed and begins turning everyday folks into mindless zombies. It’s labeled as “fat free” and “healthy”, but thankfully we know now that most of those chemical laden products are just as bad for you as a greasy pizza.
Attack of the Helping Hand – Hamburger Helper
So far we covered some of the deadliest things you could possibly put in your body. This clip is actually more about food prep than consumption. In 1979, longtime Sam Raimi collaborator Scott Spiegel wrote and directed this short film all about the overeager sentient oven mitt on the Hamburger Helper boxes! It’s a fun short that shows the team at work only two years before their breakout with Evil Dead. The over the top, splatstick humor that would follow in ED2 is also on full display. You can spot Raimi in the role of the Milk Man, while the chin himself, Bruce Campbell, is the voice of the Hand.
Enjoy your deadly delicacies! What are your favorite food themed horror moments?
Editorials
‘Leprechaun Returns’ – The Charm of the Franchise’s Legacy Sequel
The erratic Leprechaun franchise is not known for sticking with a single concept for too long. The namesake (originally played by Warwick Davis) has gone to L.A., Las Vegas, space, and the ‘hood (not once but twice). And after an eleven-year holiday since the Davis era ended, the character received a drastic makeover in a now-unmentionable reboot. The critical failure of said film would have implied it was time to pack away the green top hat and shillelagh, and say goodbye to the nefarious imp. Instead, the Leprechaun series tried its luck again.
The general consensus for the Leprechaun films was never positive, and the darker yet blander Leprechaun: Origins certainly did not sway opinions. Just because the 2014 installment took itself seriously did not mean viewers would. After all, creator Mark Jones conceived a gruesome horror-comedy back in the early nineties, and that format is what was expected of any future ventures. So as horror legacy sequels (“legacyquels”) became more common in the 2010s, Leprechaun Returns followed suit while also going back to what made the ‘93 film work. This eighth entry echoed Halloween (2018) by ignoring all the previous sequels as well as being a direct continuation of the original. Even ardent fans can surely understand the decision to wipe the slate clean, so to speak.
Leprechaun Returns “continued the [franchise’s] trend of not being consistent by deciding to be consistent.” The retconning of Steven Kostanski and Suzanne Keilly’s film was met with little to no pushback from the fandom, who had already become accustomed to seeing something new and different with every chapter. Only now the “new and different” was familiar. With the severe route of Origins a mere speck in the rearview mirror, director Kotanski implemented a “back to basics” approach that garnered better reception than Zach Lipovsky’s own undertaking. The one-two punch of preposterous humor and grisly horror was in full force again.
With Warwick Davis sitting this film out — his own choice — there was the foremost challenge of finding his replacement. Returns found Davis’ successor in Linden Porco, who admirably filled those blood-stained, buckled shoes. And what would a legacy sequel be without a returning character? Jennifer Aniston obviously did not reprise her final girl role of Tory Redding. So, the film did the next best thing and fetched another of Lubdan’s past victims: Ozzie, the likable oaf played by Mark Holton. Returns also created an extension of Tory’s character by giving her a teenage daughter, Lila (Taylor Spreitler).
It has been twenty-five years since the events of the ‘93 film. The incident is unknown to all but its survivors. Interested in her late mother’s history there in Devil’s Lake, North Dakota, Lila transferred to the local university and pledged a sorority — really the only one on campus — whose few members now reside in Tory Redding’s old home. The farmhouse-turned-sorority-house is still a work in progress; Lila’s fellow Alpha Epsilon sisters were in the midst of renovating the place when a ghost of the past found its way into the present.
The Psycho Goreman and The Void director’s penchant for visceral special effects is noted early on as the Leprechaun tears not only into the modern age, but also through poor Ozzie’s abdomen. The portal from 1993 to 2018 is soaked with blood and guts as the Leprechaun forces his way into the story. Davis’ iconic depiction of the wee antagonist is missed, however, Linden Porco is not simply keeping the seat warm in case his predecessor ever resumes the part. His enthusiastic performance is accentuated by a rotten-looking mug that adds to his innate menace.
The obligatory fodder is mostly young this time around. Apart from one luckless postman and Ozzie — the premature passing of the latter character removed the chance of caring about anyone in the film — the Leprechaun’s potential prey are all college aged. Lila is this story’s token trauma kid with caregiver baggage; her mother thought “monsters were always trying to get her.” Lila’s habit of mentioning Tory’s mental health problem does not make a good first impression with the resident mean girl and apparent alcoholic of the sorority, Meredith (Emily Reid). Then there are the nicer but no less cursorily written of the Alpha Epsilon gals: eco-conscious and ex-obsessive Katie (Pepi Sonuga), and uptight overachiever Rose (Sai Bennett). Rounding out the main cast are a pair of destined-to-die bros (Oliver Llewellyn Jenkins, Ben McGregor). Lila and her peers range from disposable to plain irritating, so rooting for any one of them is next to impossible. Even so, their overstated personalities make their inevitable fates more satisfying.
Where Returns excels is its death sequences. Unlike Jones’ film, this one is not afraid of killing off members of the main cast. Lila, admittedly, wears too much plot armor, yet with her mother’s spirit looming over her and the whole story — comedian Heather McDonald put her bang-on Aniston impersonation to good use as well as provided a surprisingly emotional moment in the film — her immunity can be overlooked. Still, the other characters’ brutal demises make up for Lila’s imperviousness. The Leprechaun’s killer set-pieces also happen to demonstrate the time period, seeing as he uses solar panels and a drone in several supporting characters’ executions. A premortem selfie and the antagonist’s snarky mention of global warming additionally add to this film’s particular timestamp.
Critics were quick to say Leprechaun Returns did not break new ground. Sure, there is no one jetting off to space, or the wacky notion of Lubdan becoming a record producer. This reset, however, is still quite charming and entertaining despite its lack of risk-taking. And with yet another reboot in the works, who knows where the most wicked Leprechaun ever to exist will end up next.
Horror contemplates in great detail how young people handle inordinate situations and all of life’s unexpected challenges. While the genre forces characters of every age to face their fears, it is especially interested in how youths might fare in life-or-death scenarios.
The column Young Blood is dedicated to horror stories for and about teenagers, as well as other young folks on the brink of terror.
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