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Ranking the Segments in ‘A Christmas Horror Story’

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This holiday horror gem can currently be streamed on Netflix!

When A Christmas Horror Story was released back in 2015, it made the cut on both Brad’s “Top 10 of 2015” and Trace’s “Top 10 Biggest Surprises of 2015” lists.

There’s all sorts of craziness in this anthology that delivers on so many different levels; it’s gory, but it’s also goofy, then all of a sudden it’s insanely scary,” Brad wrote. As for Trace, he called it “a very fun movie that knows how ridiculous it is.”

Personally speaking, it was also one of my favorite horror films of 2015.

Directed by Grant Harvey, Steven Hoban, and Brett Sullivan, and written by James Kee, Sarah Larsen, Doug Taylor, and Pascal Trottier, A Christmas Horror Story is set in the fictional town of Bailey Downs, which was one year prior rocked by a holiday tragedy. As radio host Dangerous Dan (William Shatner) guides the town through Christmas Eve, various evil forces wreak havoc on the peaceful community.

The interesting thing about A Christmas Horror Story is that all four of its tales are taking place concurrently, and unlike most anthologies, they’re not separated into individual segments or even presented in the traditional way. The film instead jumps back and forth between stories throughout; it’s jarring and a bit confusing at first, but the unique format eventually ends up working in this particular anthology’s favor.

While it’s not exactly the glue that ties the stories together, Dangerous Dan’s double shift on Christmas Eve is what could be considered the wraparound segment here, as the stories break every so often so that the always hammy William Shatner can crack jokes and do what he does best. The character gets progressively intoxicated as the film goes on, and a drunk Shatner – bathed in a holiday glow – is as delightful as it sounds.

As for the individual segments, we figured we’d rank them for Christmas this year!


1) SANTA VS. ZOMBIE ELVES

It’s common for horror anthologies to have one standout segment, and A Christmas Horror Story‘s best tale centers on Santa Claus himself. Set on the North Pole, Santa’s workshop runs red with blood when his diminutive elves start one-by-one contracting a nasty zombie virus, forcing this particularly badass incarnation of Kris Kringle to wield his staff like a broadsword and lay waste to his foul-mouthed helpers.

There’s just something endlessly entertaining about watching Santa Claus brutally kill zombie elves, and the segment is appropriately gory and indeed a whole lot of fun. The tale of North Pole carnage has the polished look of a film with a much higher budget than this one had, and George Buza is fantastic as the jolly old elf.

And just wait until you see the final battle, which paves the way for a delightfully cruel twist.


2) THE CHRISTMAS CHANGELING 

While Santa’s slaying of undead elves is the most fun segment in A Christmas Horror Story, writer Pascal Trottier’s tale of a family besieged by an evil force is easily the best bit of storytelling on display here. When a couple heads off into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree, their young son briefly goes missing. And when he returns to mommy’s loving arms, well, he’s not quite the same.

I mentioned earlier that the initially frustrating format of this anthology ultimately works in its favor, and it’s this segment in particular that serves as a testament to that. The short is both suspenseful and genuinely creepy, and the frequent breakaways to other stories only add to that level of suspense. Those breaks allow for the tension to mount, and optimum terror to be squeezed out of the concept.


3) KRAMPUS SPREADS HOLIDAY FEAR

Another story sees a husband dragging his wife and two teenage children to his unsavory aunt’s mansion, where they learn the legend of Krampus. After the son intentionally breaks one of the woman’s valued collectibles, which just so happens to depict Krampus, the family of four is pursued by the monster from Alpine folklore… and he’s intent on dishing out healthy doses of brutal holiday punishment.

Beating Michael Dougherty to the punch, A Christmas Horror Story was one of the first horror movies to really focus on Krampus, and the character design here is pretty badass. The story leaves a little something to be desired, as it’s a pretty straightforward monster-chasing-people affair, though it’s just fun to see the hulking beast kick ass and take names. The ending, in particular, makes this one a real treat.


4) LOCKED IN THE BASEMENT

And that brings us to the anthology’s weakest segment. Set primarily in a school basement, where some pretty nasty things went down the previous Christmas Eve, the most lackluster story centers on a group of amateur reporters who are trying to figure out precisely what happened on that cold winter night. They soon find themselves locked in the basement, and hunted by a sinister paranormal entity.

This one is pretty generic horror movie fodder, and worse yet, it barely even feels like it belongs with the rest of the tales. Whereas the other stories are rich with Christmas imagery and themes, the sore thumb of the bunch is only tenuously connected to the holiday, and it never really develops into anything all that interesting. Thankfully, the film’s overall structure prevents the dull bits from dragging the ship down, as they never last very long.


I don’t think it’s out of line to suggest that the creators of A Christmas Horror Story set out to do for Christmas what Trick ‘r Treat did for Halloween, and I must say, they didn’t come up all that short in that daunting quest. What we have here is an anthology that hits the mark much more often than it misses, the four horror stories coming together to form a highly entertaining whole worthy of annual viewing.

All around, this is holiday horror done right.

Writer in the horror community since 2008. Editor in Chief of Bloody Disgusting. Owns Eli Roth's prop corpse from Piranha 3D. Has four awesome cats. Still plays with toys.

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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