Kill, Bang, Marry. A timeless game for classy folk around the globe. Like Hungry Hungry Hippos or Candy Land…it’s a game our children will remember fondly. And today, it’s a game you’ll remember fondly as we play our first ever game of Kill, Bang, Marry with writer Joshua Williamson of Image Shadowline’s “Ghosted” & the upcoming Image Comics’ “Nailbiter”. Every time I say *DING DING* I want you to imagine a scantily clad Harley Quinn walking around a boxing ring with a “new round” sign. *DING DING* Round One: Kill, Bang, Marry
1. Nimble Jack from Colder
2. DC’s Bloody Mary
3. Cal McDonald from Criminal Macabre
1. Marry Nimble Jack. At least things would be interesting. We’d travel the world weirding people out. And he is nimble, right?
2. Bang Bloody Mary. Damn red heads. And I don’t think she’d get as attached as the other two.
3. Kill Cal. Sorry, Steve! They made me choose! He’d probably be brought back from the dead somehow anyway.
*DING DING* Round Two: Kill, Bang, Marry
1. DC’s Matter Eater Lad
2. Suzie from Sex Criminals
3. Old Hob (TMNT)
1. Bang Matter Eater. I’m not going to explain why, but yeah. But… Go Legion!
2. Marry Suzie! Oh Suzie. You gotta get away from that Jon. He’s no good. I knew it from the moment I met him. You deserve so much better.
3. Kill Old Hob. He keeps fucking with my boys the Ninja Turtles. And he always seems pretty miserable.
*DING DING* Round Three: Kill, Bang, Marry
1. DC’s Vibe (from the 80s, not the reboot)
2. Evil Mel from Coffin Hill
3. Floronic Man
1. Marry Vibe. Any guy who would wear that outfit would have some interesting stories for when the marriage got stale and we’d be stuck at a table having dinner with nothing to say. I’d start by asking him if he shaved his whole chest or just the exposed areas from that crazy costume. [Ed. Note: We’re hoping he only shaves that deep, deep V… *wink*]
2. Bang Evil Mel. Something about those eyes.
3. Kill Floronic Man. Plant people freak me out. He’d have to go bye-bye.
*DING DING* Bonus Round! Rat Queens: Kill, Bang, Marry
This was the hardest of all of these…
1. Marry Dee. I dig her style. She’s got the whole skull motif thing going on.
2. Kill Violet. Poor Violet. You seem nice. It’s not that you’re not my type… It’s just the other two…. Listen… it’s not you it’s me. [Ed. Note: You’ll have to go through me first!]
3. Bang Hannah. The tattoos, the attitude, that hair… She’d probably eat me alive but it would be worth it.
Thanks, Joshua, for playing our game and sufficiently creeping us out! Everyone, if you want Josh to creep you out some more, make sure to pick up his new serial killer comic book Nailbiter out through Image in early May.
AROUND THE WEB
this week in horror
More in Comics
Hellboy’s story begins when Grigori Rasputin calls upon the demon and brings him to our...
The filmmakers weren’t lying when they said Spider-Man wouldn’t appear in the Ruben Fleisher-directed...
Speculation often comes with an egg in the face, but this one is too...
With Twentieth Century Fox going dark with their X-Men spinoff, New Mutants, I had...