|starring||Greg Brown, Brian C. Connely|
|tagline||Being Dead Rots!|
In a poor attempt to try and make a zombie movie in the vein of Tales from the Crypt, Brain Damage film’s The Zombie Chronicles is a waste of 90 minutes of your time. You see all of the Zombie scenes in the film in the title sequence (I am not kidding at all!!). But you can’t blame a extremely low budget company for at least trying because there are some genuinely good zombie effects, for a z-grade horror film.
The gist of the story is this: This journalist is trying to seek out a town in order to find out if a certain curse that is a word of mouth legend about it is actually true. On her way she hits a stranger with her car that tells her he really hit her and that he needs a ride to this town she is searching for (I am not giving any names because honestly they are of no consequence – in one ear out the other). So she agrees and they journey forth, and a long boring conversation ensues. They end up stopping at this abandoned barn where the stranger wants to take a break from driving, but actually it is where he stashed his booze!!! So they sit and chat, he decides to tell her some boring tales of the horrible activities that go on in this realm where the dead walk, the living are outsiders, and we the viewer feel like we’ve done something awful to deserve this punishment we are put through. She records these stories for her piece about the town. Then in classic Creepshow/Tales from the Darkside/Tales from the Crypt style we see 2 stories (of a trilogy the box tells us) of zombie terror (more like zombie boredom). The first is a god-awful tale of a drill instructor that gets his come up’ns from a cadet that he killed back in the day. Blah…. The acting is atrocious and the sound editing is even worse. The second story is about 3 friends that go camping and disturb a family of zombies (don’t ask how because it isn’t worth your time). There is some good footage in this segment but there also is some of the worst of the film. The zombies look pretty decent (considering) and one death in particular is quite noteworthy (a girl who’s face is torn off exposing the bones underneath). But in front of this story ending action is some real high school drama class rejects acting. I fast-forwarded through the boring running scenes that last forever (as I also did with most of the revenge aspects of the first story). Then after it ended I thought to myself “Hey, where is this 3rd story the box promised” (even though I really hoped it would just end). Well the 3rd story in this self-proclaimed trilogy of terror was the journist’s story. There isn’t really anything worthwhile about it at all. It ends the movie and I won’t ruin it for you, but you see the end in the title sequence I mentioned earlier.
This movie is an awful attempt at a zombie movie. Maybe I am a snob and a film purist, but I feel that the look of the movie that was obviously shot on video (looked no better quality than my home videos – I am not lying), killed any attempt at me taking it serious at all. I can’t look at it and think of anything but amateur. The editing wasn’t half bad, but the acting, dialog, film quality, sound design, and plot left more than a lot to be desired. Unless you can put up with a movie that looks like Redneck Zombies (which I liked despite it’s terrible visual quality because it had sense of humor) and plays like a jr high flunky rendition of Tales from the Crypt, I would not even think of picking this movie up at the video store. It is preying on your need to see every zombie movie ever made (I know that is an obsession of mine). Use self-control and just say no.