Editorials
[Special Feature] 10 Actors We’d Like To See Do Horror!
A lot of times bigger names tend to steer clear of the horror genre. It’s often not seen as prestigious, the budgets are lower (and thus the salary) and it’s rarely recognized come awards time. Sometimes it’s the choice of the actor not to indulge in the more bloody side of things, and sometimes their representation simply guides them away from it.
Contrary to popular belief, most horror fans are able to enjoy many films that are well outside the genre. I’ve personally noticed that many of my colleagues have an affinity for romantic comedies (myself included), however strange that may seem.
With that being in mind, have you ever been watching one of your favorite actors and wondered why they’ve only rarely (if at all) dipped their toes into your favorite category of film? I can’t put words into the mouths of people on this list – but I bet more of them than you would suspect would actually like to “slum it” a bit in the killing fields.
Either way, here’s a list of people I’d like to see get in the horror game every once in a while. While a couple of those singled out have actually been in a few slashers (etc…) at the very beginning of careers – many of them have never had the chance to be horribly murdered (or survive a series of horrible murders) onscreen.
Hit the jump to check it out and be sure to list any I may have missed in the comments!
He embodies an intriguing mix of aloof and charming masculinity in his iconic role as Don Draper on AMC’s “Mad Men” and his surprisingly impeccable comic timing has been on display for a while now in projects like “30 Rock” and Bridesmaids. But I think we’re missing out on the truly momentous horror performance he might have inside of him.
If there’s anybody out there who could pull off an A-list version of the “Ash”-type hero, it’s him. He’d also be a killer defensive patriarch in any home invasion thriller. Need an affably handsome serial killer who could lure unsuspecting gals into his Volkswagon? He’s your guy.
If you’re one of the few people who watches “Community” you already know how hilarious he can be as the wonderfully naive Troy Barnes. In addition to being a wonderfully subtle comic presence, he’s a great physical performer as well. It’s that combination of abilities that would make him a great horror protagonist. I’d love to see him in a madcap Evil Dead 2 type of role. And his face is so innocent, he’d probably make for a highly unsettling villain as well.
I know a lot of people who are on the Zooey Deschanel hate train, which I don’t quite get. I can certainly understand her not being someone’s cup of tea – and I pretty much can’t stand “New Girl” – but as a performer she’s inoffensive enough and I quite enjoyed her in Our Idiot Brother.
What I haven’t enjoyed her in is a good slasher, which is a shame because she’s got super expressive eyes that would be a great asset to any “final girl” role.
Despite the presence of vampire/werewolf shenanigans, the Twilight films don’t really count as horror. Not to me, at least. While Kendrick is on the rise due to her wonderful roles in Up In The Air and 50/50, her agents are probably doing their best to keep the horror scripts away from her dance card. What a waste. She’s such a delightfully smart, quick witted and sexy screen presence that she’d be a welcome addition to the genre. Her effortless incredulity would provide the audience the ultimate in relatable access points for anything supernatural.
Okay, okay, okay. So he was in Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers, but that was way before he was Paul F*cking Rudd. He’s practically a hero and a legend at this point, not “the kid from Clueless”. I’m not sure which subgenre of horror I’d like him best in, but I’d almost like to see him return to the world of slashers – albeit ones without Druid mythology. If Friday The 13th Part 6: Jason Lives was ever remade for absolutely no reason – I’d totally cast him as a 40 year-old Tommy Jarvis. Realistically, if he were ever to do another horror film, we’d probably have to settle for him as the beleaguered dad of “one of the kids”.
Jason Segel’s roles in “Freaks And Geeks” and Forgetting Sarah Marshall, cemented him as another incredibly relatable performer. Someone who could translate misgivings you may have about yourself to the screen in a superbly warm-hearted manner. He’s an exceptionally honest mainstream performer, great at making his audience see their flaws less as shortcomings and more as attributes.
Which is a long way of saying that’s it’s a blast to see him frightened onscreen. Now we just need to give one of his characters a much more visceral reason to scream.
Why bother even writing a paragraph about him? When has he ever been less than amazing? He’s already played monsters of sorts in Gangs Of New York and There Will Be Blood – I say we give him an even broader canvas to go bananas.
What horror role do you think he’d fancy enough to let drag him away from shoe-cobbling?
Clooney’s actually been in at least three horror movies. The little seen Grizzly: The Concert, as well as Return Of The Killer Tomatoes and, of course, From Dusk Till Dawn. But it’s been a good, long while since our modern day Cary Grant (or whomever) has hit us up with an entry in our favorite genre. He’s mastered a soft, pragmatic menace (and charm) that would be perfect for a number of roles. What would you like to see him take on?
We can only hope Fright Night never gets remade again, but he’d make a great Jerry Dandridge – even if he would never in a million years take that part.
Another performer who could play victim or killer with equal success. She’s quite sweet-natured in at least 99% of her onscreen work – but there’s a steely and determined undercurrent to her presence that could actually be frightening. Her matter-of-fact clarity could turn terrifying perfect if she ever chose to go the psychopath route.
After making a huge splash, literally and figuratively, as Alexandra King in The Descendants Shailene Woodley has been emblazoned on my radar as a highly capable dramatic and comedic performer. She’s certainly got the acerbic and angry “don’t f*ck with me” vibe down, but what made her truly special in that film was her ability to slyly reveal wounded, caring layers of her character that necessitated that defense mechanism.
I could see her taking down Jason, no problem.
Disagree? Have a suggestion? Let us know in the comments! Who do you want to see kill or be killed?
A new breed of creature-features was unleashed in the 1990s and continued well into the next decade. Shaking off the ecological messaging of the past, these monsters existed for the sake of pure mayhem. Just to name a few: Tremors, The Relic, Anaconda, Godzilla, Deep Rising and Lake Placid all showcased this trend of irreverent creature chaos. Reptiles and other scaly beasts proved to be a popular source of inspiration for these films, but for that extra crawly experience, bugs were the best and quickest route. Spiders, in particular, led some of the worst infestations on screen in the early 2000s. And on the underbelly of this creeping new wave — specifically the direct-to-video sector — hangs an overlooked offering of spider horror: Arachnid.
In 2000, Brian Yuzna and Julio Fernández launched the Spanish production company Fantastic Factory. The Filmax banner’s objective was to create modestly budgeted genre films for international distribution. And while they achieved their goal — a total of nine English-language films were produced and shipped all across the globe — Fantastic Factory ultimately closed up shop after only five years. Arachnid, directed by Jack Sholder (Alone in the Dark, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge, The Hidden) and based on a script by Mark Sevi, was the second project from the short-lived genre house. Yuzna was drawn to the concept largely because of its universal appeal; a monster was marketable in any region, regardless of cultural preferences or restrictions. There was also the fact that spiders give everyone a case of the heebie-jeebies.
By having extraterrestrial forces be the cause of the spiders’ mutism and immensity as well as other urgent problems within the story, Arachnid incidentally pays respect to Hollywood’s golden age of schlock filmmaking. The opening sequence indeed shows a stealth plane’s pilot (Jesús Cabrero) trailing a UFO and its translucent passenger to an island in the South Pacific, but the alien business is kept to a minimum going forward. There is no time to process this seismic revelation of life beyond Earth before moving on to the film’s central plot.
Pictured: Alex Reid, Chris Potter and Neus Asensi’s characters get trapped in the spider’s web in Arachnid.
Several months since the E.T. was last sighted — and after being snuffed out by one of its own accidental creations — a medical team from Guam heads to Celebes (better known as Sulawesi nowadays), in search of whatever is behind a new illness. The doctors (played by José Sancho and Neus Asensi) already suspected a spider bite, although they failed to consider the biter could be the size of a tank. With The Descent’s Alex Reid as the snarky pilot of this doomed expedition, one who has ulterior motives for accepting the job, the film’s core characters go off in search of a spider and, hopefully, a cure.
The title makes it seem as if there is only the one arachnid in the story, but once Chris Potter and Reid’s characters plus their team step foot on the island, they encounter other altered arthropods. Yuzna felt Sevi’s script needed more creatures along the way, especially before the spider showed up in full view. The bug horror commences as one gunsman succumbs to a burrowing breed of crab-sized ticks, and random characters fend off a horrific centipede with reptilian qualities. These are just the appetizers before the greatest arachnid of them all arrives. The late Ravil Isyanov, here playing a zealous but sympathetic arachnologist, becomes a human Lunchable for the spider’s eggs. And one of the doctors gets a face full of corrosive spider spew. So, there is no shortage of grisly predation in the film, with a few bits of the monsters’ handiwork possessing a haunting quality to them.
Shot quickly and cheaply, Arachnid is fast-food horror. It’s convenient and designed for immediate consumption, and will likely not linger on the palate. Usually there is not a lot worth remembering with these slapdash genre productions, however, this is one case of spider horror where the extra effort made a difference. Apart from the egregious use of digital imagery in the outset, Jack Sholder’s film primarily employs practical effects. And these are not rubber spiders dangling from strings or being flung at the actors, either. Fantastic Factory aimed much higher by securing DDTSFX (Pan’s Labyrinth, Hellboy II: The Golden Army) and creature designer and makeup artist Steve Johnson (Species, Blade II).
Pictured: One of the spider’s web-covered victims in Arachnid.
Arachnid, while far from flawless, somewhat redeems itself by having chosen practical effects and animatronics over CGI, which had become the new normal in these kinds of films. And this class of creature-feature was definitely not getting the sort of advanced VFX found in the likes of Eight Legged Freaks. Steve Johnson’s spider was not the easiest prop to work with, and it lacks the movement and versatility of a digital depiction. However, there is no beating that sense of weight and occupation of space that makes a tangible monster more intimidating. Viewers will have trouble recalling the human characters long after watching Arachnid, yet the humongous headliner remains the stuff of nightmares.
Over the years, the director has spoken critically of the film. He originally held off on agreeing to the offer to direct in hopes that another project, a Steven Seagal picture, would finally manifest. No such luck, and Sholder accepted Arachnid only on account of his needing the work. He said of the film: “I thought I could […] make it halfway decent, but I discovered there wasn’t a whole lot I could do.” Nevertheless, Sholder’s experience as a director of not exactly high-brow yet still rather entertaining horror is evident in what he has since called a “dud.” While there is no denying the reality and outcome of Arachnid, even the most mediocre films have their strokes of brilliance, small as they may be.
Pictured: The poster for Arachnid.
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