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5 Tales of Beach Horror from TV Anthologies [Series of Frights]

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Pictured: "Monsterland" - 'Palacios, TX'

Series of Frights is a recurring column that mainly focuses on horror in television. Specifically, it takes a closer look at five episodes or stories each one adhering to an overall theme from different anthology series or the occasional movie made for TV. With anthologies becoming popular again, especially on television, now is the perfect time to see what this timeless mode of storytelling has to offer.

The beach is that terminal stage before entering the water and possibly never returning. Lakes, oceans, seas — these unfathomable places can create nostalgia as well as dread. Not everyone is capable of readily stepping foot in these wet expanses, so the shore seems like the safest place to be.

The characters in the following anthology episodes realize even dry land cannot stop water’s influences or dangers, though. Something unimaginable or terrifying can appear from the waves and onto the beach just as easily as people can wet their toes.


Night Gallery (1970-1973)
Brenda

The namesake of this Night Gallery episode does not make it easy to like her. As soon as audiences meet young Brenda (Laurie Prange) in this Margaret St. Clair adaptation, she is wantonly destroying another child’s sandcastle. The other girl is distraught not only because her creation is ruined but because Brenda is nasty to her and every other kid on the island. Like the other families there, Brenda’s is vacationing on this undisclosed getaway from the mainland. What should have been a fun summer has turned out to be a lonely one for Brenda, and she only has herself to blame.

Everything changes when Brenda comes across a bizarre creature in the nearby woods; a muck monster covered in seaweed has washed ashore. She traps the thing in a pit before ultimately deciding to sic the creature on her parents. After leaving the door open at night, the monster slips into Brenda’s house. Eventually, Brenda’s parents and the neighbors drive the intruder back to the pit and bury it under a mound of rocks.

As easy as it is to dismiss Brenda as a brat with no redeeming value, she warms up at the end. She starts to act more human. And shortly before leaving the island, Brenda promises to come back to see the monster. She keeps her word; there in the pit, the trapped creature waits, showing signs it is still alive underneath the rocks. Flowers poke through the mound’s cracks, reflecting Brenda’s own personal growth since they last met.

The monster is less a freak of nature and more a physical manifestation of Brenda’s wellbeing. Her trapping it early on suggests the stagnancy in her emotional development; she repeatedly apologizes for her immature behavior yet still acts out. It is only when she sees the monster confront her parents does she recognize what is happening to herself. The creature approaches Brenda’s father not out of intent to harm him but to get him to see past its troubling veneer.


Tales of the Unexpected (1979-1988)
A Harmless Vanity

Although Tales of the Unexpected was inspired by Roald Dahl’s sizable output, most of the series is made up of other authors’ works. Theda O’Henle’s “A Harmless Vanity” is one notable example; Jeremy Paul turns her sordid story into a memorable, late-season offering befitting of the show’s title.

Mary (Sheila Gish) now suspects her husband George (Keith Barron) is cheating on her after her best friend Liz (Carol MacReady) planted the idea in her head. So, she sets up a meeting on the beach with the other woman. The encounter is awkward, but the real trouble starts when Mary’s rival Carol (Phoebe Nicholls) goes for a swim.

After an extensive makeover — a dramatic paint job from head to toe on top of a strenuous diet — Mary is ready to meet George’s apparent paramour. It seems probable Mary is going to do away with George’s lover herself at the beach until something in the tide turns, narratively speaking. The three women’s insecurities instead come out as they talk, and it seems more and more unlikely murder is in the wind.

A number of Unexpected episodes centered around affairs of the heart and body, yet none of them are as shocking as this one. In fact, it is not entirely clear if there really was a dalliance or not. That ambiguity is partly why director Giles Foster’s yarn is so suspenseful and compelling. Most of all, the audience also has no idea where this story is going until that devastating ending.


The Ray Bradbury Theater (1985-1992)
The Lake

The late Ray Bradbury expressed how much he loved this story; he even cried after writing it. The inspiration came from a lake he visited at a young age and wondering what was below the surface.

The Ray Bradbury Theater’s visual translation of “The Lake” captures the dreaminess and tangible pathos of the source material while also briefly expanding on the element of terror. Melancholy is still center stage as a man returns to a place of both great comfort and trauma. 

Young Douglas (Eli Sharplin) meets Tally at the story’s eponymous locale; they connect over building sandcastles. On the last day of their vacations, Tally goes for a swim — her last one, as a matter of fact. Douglas watches helplessly as his first love disappears beneath the waters and never comes up again. Twenty-something years later, an older and married Douglas (Gordon Thomson) visits the lake with his wife Margaret (Tina Regtien). Tally’s body was never found, but it is on this day she and Douglas are finally reunited.

Pat Robins plays up the presence of the lake; he makes it an omnipotent entity that can both take things away and give them back. In this case, the water does something appalling; it removes a child from the world before she has a chance to live her life. It is hard to summon up the mental labor to explain away such a tragic death, but at the same time, there is some solace to be found in the story’s eerie ending.


Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction (1997-2002)
Morning Sickness

Over the course of four seasons, Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction adapted multiple urban legends of varying popularity. One of the more obscure but crawly myths involves a certain oceanic critter. “Morning Sickness” aired as part of the third season’s premiere, but this segment’s basis goes as far back as the 1930s. 

For one family, there is only one reason when the teenage daughter, Marissa (Heather J. Miller), exhibits pregnancy-like symptoms; she has stomach pains, intense cravings, and morning sickness. Her parents (Mary Cadorette, Don Gettinger) are convinced she and her boyfriend Jason “made a mistake,” but Marissa rebuffs their accusation and even takes a pregnancy test to prove them wrong. A negative result and a mysterious movement in Marissa’s abdomen lead to emergency surgery. What doctors assume to be a cyst turns out to be something else altogether. Something “denied by the medical community” after all these years.

Jan Harold Brunvard succinctly sums up this absurd myth in Encyclopedia of Urban Legends: “Years ago a young woman complained about gripping pains in her stomach. When operated upon, a young octopus was discovered. The explanation? She swallowed an octopus egg while swimming.” This exact outcome is used in the Beyond Belief episode. Other variations of the legend have the young woman ingesting frog, lizard, or snake eggs. Logic automatically debunks the story — stomach acids would intervene long before anything has a chance to hatch — but the fun is in the details. While this particular legend is not in circulation as much as it used to be, there are occasional resurgences in the news. 

Historically, this story has much to do with a fear of pregnancy; specifically unwanted ones. As a form of entertainment, it falls squarely into the enduring category of body horror along with baby spiders erupting from someone’s “pimple” and earwig infestations.


Monsterland (2020)

Palacios, TX

Contrasting the likes of Ariel are the more fearsome interpretations of mermaids that would make Hans Christian Anderson shiver. Movies like Sebastian Gutierrez’s She Creature and Milan Todorović’s Nymph, along with the TV series Siren, serve up these sea-maidens as monsters in disguise. The mermaid and siren’s mythologies are conflated these days with more emphasis on the former’s, but Monsterland strictly uses the word “mermaid” in the episode ‘Palacios, TX.”

Nicolas Pesce, the director of The Eyes of My Mother and Piercing, helms this story written by Mary Laws. A few Monsterland episodes are original and not based on anything from Nathan Ballingrud’s book North American Lake Monsters, and this is one of them. In “Palacios,” a former fisherman nicknamed Sharko (Trieu Tran) makes the greatest discovery; he brings home a sick mermaid (Adria Arjona) stranded on the beach. His attempts to rehabilitate her are then disrupted by locals who want to sell her.

Darker mermaid stories have a common theme; these creatures cannot be tamed, and if so, not easily. Here, Sharko is enamored with his catch to the point of fantasy. He endures the long-term health effects of an oil spill and can no longer do what he loves. With the mermaid, however, he can be himself again.

Sharko, the son of an immigrant who experienced racism during his acclimation, pours his heart out to the mermaid and reveals how he too is a fish out of water. In addition, Sharko is very much a prisoner of his own small tank; he feels trapped because of his poor health and depression. So how this dreary episode ends only makes sense given the foreboding line of “I wish I’d drowned [that day].”

Paul Lê is a Texas-based, Tomato approved critic at Bloody Disgusting, Dread Central, and Tales from the Paulside.

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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