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Stay Home, Watch Horror: 5 Winter Horror Movies to Stream This Week

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john carpenter the thing sequel

It may not officially be winter just yet, but a winterlike chill is already setting in for many as the holiday season is here. That means the perfect excuse to cozy up with more horror!

Okay, so anything is a good excuse for horror. But there’s just something about horror set in icy, snowy conditions that compounds the dread. It’s so much harder to escape from masked maniacs, zombie outbreaks, aliens, and more when the weather conditions threaten your life, too.

This week’s streaming picks are dedicated to terror in extreme winter weather conditions and the isolation that causes. Here’s where you can stream them…


Cold Prey – AMC+

A group of five friends snowboarding in a secluded area of the mountains in Jotunheimen are forced to find shelter when one breaks their leg. They take refuge in a deserted lodge, wholly abandoned save for the homicidal maniac dubbed the Mountain Man. Cold Prey is a fantastic modern slasher with a stunning snowy backdrop that contributes to the group’s fight for survival. Suspenseful, brutal, and with one of horror’s most underrated final girls in Jannicke.


Curtains – Tubi, Vudu

Six young actresses spend their weekend at a remote mansion enduring what may be the most eccentric audition for a movie role. Naturally, it’s the perfect setting for a masked killer to start picking them off one by one, and it just so happens to be winter. There aren’t too many slashers set in icy weather, and Curtains takes full advantage of its winter setting. The most memorable kills involve the creepy masked killer using the weather against the victims, including the film’s best death sequence set on a frozen pond. Sickles and ice skating equal bad news.


The Lodge – Hulu, Kanopy

Veronika Franz and Severin Fiala’s follow-up to Goodnight Mommy carries over the theme of children misbehaving. A holiday trip to the remote family lodge becomes a harrowing voyage into potential madness when soon-to-be stepmom Grace (Riley Keough) is left alone to take care of siblings Aidan (Jaeden Martell) and Mia (Lia McHugh). When the children seem to be making peace with Grace, a blizzard knocks the power out, trapping them all with Grace’s dark past. Moody and atmospheric, The Lodge is bleak horror. It’s isolating, chilling, and depressing. Bring extra blankets for comfort.


Pontypool – AMC+

Stephen McHattie is a commanding presence in this atypical outbreak horror movie. The actor plays shock jock DJ Grant Mazzy piecing together an outbreak in Pontypool, Ontario, from his radio station booth as events play out in real-time on air. That means much of the action happens via audio, with reports and town residents calling into the station. Yet, none of that detracts from the suspense. It’s an unusual yet effective take on an outbreak, and winter serves as an excuse to keep its main character trapped inside and feeling secluded.


The Thing – Starz

John Carpenter’s paranoia-laden masterpiece is a pinnacle of practical effects. Its snowy Antarctic setting plays a pivotal role in isolation, paranoia, and fight for survival. Fleeing from the shape-shifted alien that’s infiltrated the ranks of a research team isn’t easy, thanks to its ability to assimilate the humans and the storm raging outside. This classic keeps getting better and better with every rewatch, too.

Horror journalist, RT Top Critic, and Critics Choice Association member. Co-Host of the Bloody Disgusting Podcast. Has appeared on PBS series' Monstrum, served on the SXSW Midnighter shorts jury, and moderated horror panels for WonderCon and SeriesFest.

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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