Leatherface 3D / Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D

[The Revelator]

Originally Posted by DudeClassicMan

You know what this shit was in a nutshell? An MTV Films Production; Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Varsity Blues. Think about that for a second.

Spoiler Below

Edgy (she likes the dark meat) nosey little pseudo goth teenybopper comes into town and uncovers long buried town secret going against the big bad old fuddy duddy good old boy small town establishment that had burned most of her clan alive. (Never mind the fact how hard any of these small town conspiracies are to take in 2013. This, Madison County, Creature, any-fucking-thing. Isolated small towns or small town conspiracies ain’t 2012-2013 material.) With some choice vintage Leatherface kills sprinkled in for posterity which is just barely enough of a saving grace to make this one a good disposable watch. The only thing missing was Coach Bud Kilmer being in on the conspiracy somehow because Jed jumped off sides in the big game. I mean have you seen any of these shitty Texass actors that made up the police force here in anything else? Me neither.

Now, let’s be honest here; this is all absolutely retarded fucking dogshit. Who cares if they used vigilante justice or not to bring down the Sawyer/Carson clan? Against a clan of murdering cannibals? In short, as a TCM movie, this thing was almost as fucking idiotic as Next Generation. But at least I’m certain that movie considered itself a total joke.

Anybody who claims this works better than TCM 2 as a direct sequel to the original is a fucking idiot. Because none of these extra fucking Sawyers and Carsons that crawled out of the woodwork even existed in the original. This extended family angle was created out of whole cloth. There wasn’t any big ass clan or extended family ever remotely hinted at in the original; ever. That was the whole point!

It was only ever three deranged peckerwoods who devolved into murder and cannibalism. The overarching point was how fucked up the family dynamic was between these three idiots. For that matter, the only other film that really achieved the dynamic of the original TCM was the original The Hills Have Eyes and how the only one who had a conscience left was the daughter.

Come to think of it while the facts are the original certainly wasn’t based closely enough on Ed Gein to validate or justify “based on a true story” Deranged is a pretty close cinematic cousin to TCM as you’re gonna find. The extended clan bullshit of TCM3D extinguishes the whole point of the original; men behaving badly after they lost the only job they knew how to do and no matriarch or any other woman in sight. Stir crazy motherfuckers. That’s how the trio in the original came off too; not as overwrought overscripted movie characters but as very authentic stripped down raw feeling deranged denizens of some back road you don’t ever wanna get lost down.

And even with the extended clan shit they peddled in this, I don’t get why vigilantism suddenly turns these fuckers into anti-heroes or victims. Come to think of it, didn’t they rip this Molotov cocktail shit off from the way Freddy got his? Burned alive by vigilantes? I guess that’s what happens when these fucking brand name franchises go on and on with sequels and remakes or remakes of sequels; eventually they cross pollinate and cannibalize each other’s ideas because they’ve exhausted everything else.

Now what was good about it? Leatherface and the kills. For example, even though the Leatherface in TCM 3 was a pretty bad ass motherfucker, I think he was as far away from Gunnar’s portrayal as Bryniarski was in the remake. TCM 3’s Leatherface was the alpha male of that particular clan. That’s not what the original Leatherface was at all.

But here Leatherface once again felt like a frightened severely underdeveloped retardo more than a mildly retarded mute out for revenge against the world. That's right, Byrniarski's guy wasn't any more retarded than Forrest Gump.

Don’t get me wrong. This new Leatherface can’t touch the master Gunnar. But the performance was nuanced enough and physically the guy looked clumsy and chubby enough that he clearly wasn’t carrying himself like some Lou Ferrigno Hulk badass in a fat suit and dead skin mask.

All in all, I guess this particular abortion wasn’t any worse than any other sequel in all these big horror properties that are the equivalent to PukeDonald’s franchises. I’ve never seen the last Halloween sequel with Chia LePoof and Busta Rhymes but I can’t imagine I’d like it at all so I guess TCM3D at least beats it out. Just go in expecting to see a stupid piece of shit as far away from the ideas set down in the original TCM as possible. This is a fast food remake/sequel with no appreciation for the original. Enjoy the cinematic McNuggets.

this post in a nutshell

"this movie is fucking stupid"

[Myerszilla]

Originally Posted by TheHorrorGuru

I think it's safe to say Rob Zombie has already given us his versions of both TCM and TCM 2 with House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects. Him doing a Chainsaw film would just be a rehash of concepts he already perfected.

Agreed. I've always believed one of the best aspects about those films is that he manages to perfectly homage those TCM films without going overboard.

I don't think Zombie would want to do a Chainsaw movie anyway. Would probably just laugh the idea off.

[NightmareWarrior]

March 2013 release date for dvd.

[Deadly Fiend]

Originally Posted by NightmareWarrior

March 2013 release date for dvd.

Nice, looking forward to picking this up. It better be a director's cut!

[Myerszilla]

Originally Posted by NightmareWarrior

March 2013 release date for dvd.

I figured it'd be either March or April based on the box office. Definitely looking forward to adding this to the collection.

[NightmareWarrior]

hope there is plenty of special features on the dvd, but this is lionsgate so there usually are.

[Myerszilla]

Would hope so, it'd be nice to have a featurette on how they came about Leatherface's look, because the concept art was fucking amazing, & I wish he had used some of those masks too.

[Rusted]

Originally Posted by Myerszilla

Would hope so, it'd be nice to have a featurette on how they came about Leatherface's look, because the concept art was fucking amazing, & I wish he had used some of those masks too.

The mask was a letdown in this film. Very generic. The concept art shows that the other designs were way better but they didn't use any of them.

[Myerszilla]

I admittedly did really like the first mask a lot. The second mask was a lot more generic, but I liked the fresh look of the first one that was worn. Still, it would've been nice to have seen one of the masks in the concept art used, especially this one:

[DudeClassicMan]

Originally Posted by Myerszilla

I admittedly did really like the first mask a lot. The second mask was a lot more generic, but I liked the fresh look of the first one that was worn. Still, it would've been nice to have seen one of the masks in the concept art used, especially this one:

Of course, this money grubbing cash-in piece of shit didn't go with a mask like that. Doing so meant they would've given an actual shit about honoring the timeline of the original movie. I also bet the bean counters just didn't consider that nearly a "bankable" enough image to sell their movie on. Biggest sham of a TCM movie besides Next Gen.