We’re gonna do this the scanner way, I’m gonna suck your brain dry!

I’m just a sweet transvestite

Trust me.

I love that chicken at POPeyes!

Look into my “Jackson Galaxy” eyes!

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”

How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday?
Tell her a joke on Friday?

Guard:That’s some bad hat, Harry.
Bruce:I’m not wearing a hat, that’s my hair.

Here’s to swimmin’ with bow-legged women.

Dennis, will you take my hand?
Dennis the Guard: That would leave you with one!

We’ll never survive.
Guard: Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.

Hello, my name is Bruce, you killed my Dada, prepare to die!

Guard: Stop saying that!

What do you do with a dog with no legs? Take it for a drag.

Like math? We could add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide our legs, and multiply!

I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

If it’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s people groveling.

You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like… and then… spank me.