Scratch that. Already taken

WWWOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Tea’s ready!

Everyone mentions the shredded tendril hands…
I never get any compliments on my perfectly normal feet!

My eharmony profile picture…
Is going to need cropping.

Let me guess…
I’m not invited to next year’s Christmas party!!!

If you torch me…
You will never learn the secret ingredient for my spaghetti and meat sauce!

X…Y…Z!
Now, let’s see YOU burp the entire alphabet!

I just watched ‘Tree of Life’
…Don’t waste your time.

Guys, I just saw the Thing!
He went THAAAAAT! WWWWAAAAYY!!!!

I guess I won’t be needing that vasectomy after all!
…What? It worked last week, didn’t it?!

Typing too many captions on Bloody-disgusting.com
Results in SEVERE carpal tunnel!

I bet I’m not the last…
To make a comment about hairy palms.

A lot of people say the ending of HT didn’t make sense, but remember that in the beginning of the movie, the character starts telling the story. We’re seeing it as she remembers it.

Say “ah?”
Doc, the problem is pretty obvious.

I work three separate data entry positions…
At the same time!

Large-button telephones…
Not just for the elderly!

Does this mean you guys aren’t taking me with you to Starbuck’s?
THING WANTS PUMPKIN SPICE FRAPPUCCINO!!!

It lasted longer than 4 hours. I decided watching ‘The View’ would work better than going to the doctor…
AND THEN THIS HAPPENED!!!

The jig is up.
It appears I’ve been caught, red-tentacle slimy humanoid handed.

I think we can all agree…
Next year, we vacation in the Bahamas.