It’s not the years, Honey… It’s the mileage.

Girl – What happened to you, Dillon? You used to be someone I could trust.

Guy – I woke up. Why don’t you? You’re an asset. An expendable asset. And I used you to get the job done, got it?

Guy – You’re bleeding.

Girl – Ain’t got time to bleed…

We are all here to do what we are all here to do…

Girl – I love you.

Guy – *Dramatic Pause* I know…

Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny…

Girl – I can’t go back, can I?…

Dude – No. But if you could, would you really want to? I feel I owe you an apology…

Girl – Why do my eyes hurt?

Dude – You’ve never used them before…

This was a particularly bad case of somebody being cut in half.

If you can’t smell the one you love, smell the one you’re with…

The best smell in the world is that of the man you love…

Cry ‘Havoc’, and let slip the dogs of war, that this foul deed shall smell above the earth with carrion men, groaning for burial…

It’s a formidable scent… It stings the nostrils. In a good way

What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair…

OOOHHHHH GOOOOODDDDD NO, it smells like, like a used diaper… filled with… Indian food. Oh, excuse me…

What the hell is that smell?!?!

This could be our last night on Earth. You don’t want to die a virgin, do you?

I thought you were incredibly brave. And I mean that in strictly the most clinical and professional sense possible, with no emotional, intimate, sexual, or any other undertones that you could possibly infer.

When I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world, I made my arms short and I roamed the back yard, I chased the […]

Hey Derek, you know what’s good for shoulder pain?… If you lick my butt hole.