Earlier today, I posted a recap of my experience at the 7th annual Telluride Horror Show, the three-day festival that takes place in Telluride, Colorado. At that event, there were multiple feature-length films as well as fun events that brought the community together and allowed us to meet, chat, and forge friendships.

On top of the feature-length films and the events, there were also short film blocks, two of which I was able to attend: the “Horror Squirm” and “Horror Ha-Ha” blocks. Below, I’ve got capsule reviews of each of the films there and I’ve also included any that are available to watch online. I highly recommend checking them all out, even the ones I didn’t enjoy, and letting me know which ones were your favorites in the comments!

Horror Squirm Block

A Reasonable Request

A young man asks his father for something that will change their relationship forever.

Well, I definitely squirmed in my seat, I’ll tell you that! The premise is very simple: a man asks his father if he can give him a blowjob so that he can get paid a lot of money from someone with a rather…interesting fetish.

Shot in a single location and built entirely on the interaction between the father and the son, the short starts out incredibly uncomfortable and quickly evolves into something absolutely hysterical. Then, out of nowhere, it ends on a rather sweet, almost charming note. That being said, I still had to cover my face from the awkwardness.

4/5

Eat My Shit

A young girl with a strange deformity is just trying to be seen as normal in a world that is unrelentingly cruel towards those that are different.

It’s vulgar and disgusting yet there is an odd sense of empathy and emotion behind the short. Within the few minutes it runs, you feel bad for the main character as she desperately wants to fit in and be “normal”. Then she does something that makes you realize that even if she WERE normal, she’d still be an asshole (no pun intended). So, in a weird way, she’s already just as human as the rest of us.

4.5/5

I Want You Inside Me

The tale of a young woman who loses her virginity AND her boyfriend at the same time. We follow her in the days after that event takes place to find out the dark secret she’s harboring inside.

The short takes a while to get going but it builds up to a fantastic FX gag that is rather disconcerting but, at the same time, incredibly effective. Still, I imagine that a few edits could’ve taken it from 13 minutes to about 10, maybe 11 and it would’ve had the same impact.

3.5/5

Kitchen_Remodel.wmv

I honestly don’t know how to describe this movie aside from saying it’s a sex tape gone really, really wrong.

Although there are lots of “what the fuck” moments happening in this night-vision homemade sex tape, it ultimately feels rather pointless. If you’ve seen the episode of South Park where the alien TV CEOs get really high and then start banging it out, you’ll know what to expect.

2/5

Gwilliam

A romantic yet disturbing tale of a love forged between a man and a goblin.

This is another “oh so wrong” short that’s oddly (very, very oddly) heartwarming at the end. Still, it’s absolutely disgusting and brought forth lots of groans and laughter from the audience. Personally, I couldn’t stop laughing!

4/5

When Susurrus Stirs

A man finds purpose in his meaningless life when he becomes host to an ancient creature named Susurrus.

Very David Cronenberg-esque in that it’s built on body horror. The story is…alright. Honestly, there’s not much to it, so it never really stood out as being the most important part of the short. What seemed to take focus here was the absolutely stellar practical FX work, which looks magnificent. The CGI, when utilized, is tolerable and doesn’t really detract from the overall experience.

3/5

The Procedure

A man is captured and forced to endure a strange experiment.

I want to give away what happens but I refuse to do so! The Procedure is wickedly clever and side-splitting in its execution. Simple and to the point, it doesn’t waste a single frame.

5/5

Kill The Baby

A man decides to kill his baby. Chaos ensues.

I’ve never walked out on a movie before but I had to here. It starts out very funny, very witty, and very clever. However, as the episodes progress, it becomes mean-spirited, cruel, malicious, and simply unpleasant. Where there was humor, now there’s just an unpleasant air. I did my best to stay to the end and I nearly made it but I just couldn’t do it.

Since I didn’t finish the film, I won’t give this a rating.

Conclusion

Many of the shorts didn’t exactly make me feeling like squirming. In fact, most were rather engaging and kept my eyes on the screen. Only a few rare moments made me look away, either due to laughter or that awkward embarrassment some people, like myself, get from someone being the butt of a joke. Overall, it was a damn solid block, apart from ending with “Kill the Baby”.

Horror Ha-Ha Block

The Black Bear

Rule #1: Never feed bears. Rule #2: Do not approach within 100 meters. Rule #3: Avoid surprising bears. Rule #4: Keep your dog on a leash.
Now you know the rules, we wish you a pleasant stay in the natural park of the black bear.

If you’re going to start a block of horror shorts that focuses on being comedic, there probably could not have been a better choice than this French-Canadian entry. Based upon a real manual that explains how to handle yourself if you encounter a wild bear, it turns the information into a gory, violent, and very, very funny clip. I’m not exactly into the bear rape scene (SPOILER) but I don’t really like watching rape in any movie, so…

4.5/5

Handjob Cabin

A trailer for the breakout horror film “Handjob Cabin” – the story of four friends whose cabin vacation turns deadly when they find a sexually frustrated ghost.

I wrote about this “trailer” last year and I still absolutely adore it. The humor does wear thin after a few viewings (just like I predicted), but being in an audience that hadn’t seen it before worked to my advantage. Their genuine laughter at seeing it for the first time made it hysterical all over again. Yes, my humor is unrefined and rather simplistic. However, I’m okay with that.

4/5

Girl #2

“Hell Week” takes on a whole new meaning when a terrifying killer is on the loose and sorority sisters Jenn and Stacey must fight to survive a night of horror. Will they become victims? Or come face to face with another evil?

It’s extremely well made and looks very solid, although the killer kinda looks like that “Narp” guy Michael from Hot Fuzz, just with acne issues. My only issue is that I get the joke, I just didn’t find it that funny.

3/5

Bill’s Landscape and Exorcism Services

A trio of bumbling landscapers chase their passion for exorcism into a shady gig to cleanse a girl of a malicious demon.

It’s not bad but it’s not great. It’s a mediocre short that tries way too hard to be funny. Plus, the editing isn’t exactly solid, making some actions and motions feel forced.

2.5/5

Conventional

A scream queen deals with her fall from stardom.

This one was weird in that I’m not sure why it landed in the “Ha-Ha” block. It’s actually a rather tragic story of a horror actress who realizes she’s fading into obscurity and winds up sinking into depravity at horror cons. When it ended, there certainly wasn’t a smile on my face. Rather, there was a sense of sadness for Karen Gillan’s character. It’s a very effective, solid, and relevant short that just happened to end up in the wrong block.

Oh, and there’s a shout out to Bloody-Disgusting, which nearly made me leap up from my seat and cheer.

4/5

Nuts

A quiet morning turns dangerous when a man is attacked by his zombified neighbor. The man soon discovers that zombies may be the least of his problems.

Short, to the point, and funny. I imagine this would be something an over-enthused horror fan would go through, under the right circumstances of course.

4/5

Harum Skarum

I hope you like wetting your bed forever.

This is essentially a proof-of-concept trailer for a kid-driven horror anthology series. While the production is solid and it’s a fun clip, it doesn’t exactly have a purpose. I’d almost rather they have taken one of the “stories” in their short, fleshed it out, and given us something robust and that makes sense.

3/5

Death Metal

A metalhead gets passed down a satanic guitar that riffs to shreds.

As a metalhead, I loved it. It embraces its silly premise and goes 100% overboard with gore and violence. The metal is kinda weak but a baby practically detonates all over its mother, so I’m cool with that complaint being pushed to the side.

4.5/5

Ghost Story Club

The kids of Ghost Story Club are looking for a new member to tell scary stories by the campfire. But when Gary’s Uncle Wally comes by to tell a spooky tale, it turns out Wally may have a horrible misunderstanding about ghosts.

Fucking FANTASTIC! Witty, funny, and wonderfully created, it’s one of those shorts that makes you want to follow the director’s work and see what else they’ve got up their sleeves. The acting is spot on, the presentation of the “ghost story” is hilarious, and the wrap up is great.

5/5

Judy

A man opens a door to a robot that boasts exceptional ability and intelligence, but the man has only one thing on his mind: Practiced vulgarity that escalates to a darkly hysterical extreme.

I didn’t like it. Either the short is mocking men and saying that no matter how advanced things can get, we’re still just going to try to find a way to have sex with it OR it’s mocking a woman who is clearly in an abusive relationship and the punchline is that she’s going to get murdered at the end. Not really for me.

2/5

Overtime

It’s getting late on a Friday night and Ralph is keen to get out of the office, but the boss won’t let him. No big deal, right? It’s just that the full moon is rising and Ralph is kind of a werewolf.

It’s awesome seeing a werewolf short! It’s got a solid transformation and there is a fun story. Great production. Would love to see a feature-length about navigating the issues of trying to get ahead in the workforce while at the same time hiding your werewolf disease.

4/5

Strangers in the Night

Two lonely people find the love they were searching for. Well, one lonely person and one banshee!

I really liked this short! There was some fantastic CGI and the story was actually very touching. The constant screaming from the banshee got a little annoying but I guess that’s they’re known for, so…

4.5/5

Conclusion

There were some fantastic moments in here. Opening with The Black Bear and closing with Strangers in the Night was definitely the right way to go. While some shorts didn’t really appeal to me, the overall block was a huge success!