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Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead! Uwe Boll Announces Retirement From Filmmaking!

Uwe Boll as Adolf Hitler in 'Blubberella'

When it comes to video game-to-film adaptations, there is probably no one more reviled than Uwe Boll, the man who brought us Alone in the Dark, House of the Dead, BloodRayne, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, and Postal, as well as other original movies. Each of these films could conceivably become an ouroboros of “this one is worse than the others”, with no film able to distinguish itself as being particularly interesting or watchable. Honestly, it became somewhat of a joke whenever he got funding for a new film as none of his releases were profitable. Yes, House of the Dead earned more than its budget but we have to remember that theaters take a cut, marketing costs aren’t applied to budgets, and other factors come into play. Basically, he’s a colossal failure and the only thing he was good at was literally fighting critics in a boxing ring.

It seems that his constant string of failures have finally wore him down as Boll has told Metro that he will be retiring from filmmaking after the release of his upcoming film Rampage: President Down, the third film in the series he began back in 2009. He tells the site, “‘Rampage 3’ will be watched on Netflix, DVD or iTunes or whatever. They’ll say, ‘That wonderful movie! I liked it blah, blah, blah,’ then watch Avengers. With streaming everywhere there is just a big wave of movies flooding around and you have no impact.

What it ultimately boils down to, Boll says, is that there is no money to be made doing this kind of work anymore:

The market is dead. you don’t make any money anymore on movies because the DVD and Blu Ray market worldwide has dropped 80 per cent in the last three years. That is the real reason; I just cannot afford to make movies. I can’t go back to student filmmaking because I have made so many movies in my life, and I can’t make cheaper and cheaper movies at my age. It’s a shame. I would be happy to make movies but it is just not financially profitable.

Boll hopes that his retirement will force critics to revisit his films with fresh eyes as he seems to still be very proud of his output. “Now when I don’t make any more movies maybe they’ll find the time to actually watch the movies, starting with Postal in 2005, the movies of the last ten years. They will see they were a lot of very interesting movies and a lot of movies that I think made sense and said a point about things. They deserve to be discussed bigger than they were,” he laments.

Still, he maintains a rather pompous attitude regarding his movies, going so far as to say that 2013’s Assault on Wall Street was a better film than Oliver Stone’s Wall Street 2.

It’s way better than Wall Street 2 by Oliver Stone. It’s better researched, it’s better written, it’s better, but it doesn’t have Michael Douglas. It’s not Jason Bourne or any bullshit movie where they make stuff up. My movies are real.

Sure Uwe, you keep telling yourself that.



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COMMENTS

67 Comments
  • shawn lawson

    Say what you will….im gonna miss him. Sure he put out ALOT of q@1bullshit but ill always have fond memories. The first Rampage is great. Seed is so mean spirited and dark i love it. Alone in the Dark i saw with an ex on superbowl sunday. Needless to say we had theater to self and ended up foolin around. What? We were alone in the dark. .anyways, thanks for the shit movies my man. They were far from worst uve ever seen

  • Creepshow

    Thankfully, I only assaulted myself with House of the Dead. To call that film shit, would be an insult to actual fecal matter.

    • Joe Brick (TGOL)

      You actually assaulted yourself while watching a movie, lol.. stick to your porn moron and remember not every Director makes a brilliant movie each every time, I’m sure you know a whole lot more about fecal matters than movies.

      • Creepshow

        Der..Der….Der-Der. – Joe “dumb as a” Brick.

  • Fr0gg0

    Naw

  • WALKTER

    I don’t think he was ever cut out for it, if you’re gonna put yourself out there you should have some pretty thick skin and he obviously doesn’t. The guy doesn’t know how to take criticism, and as human being he should by now, what is he 50?
    He handles it as tactfully as a twelve year old.

  • If you saw his films you pretty much actively looked for them, so anybody moaning about them deserved everything they got, and like Ed Wood if you honestly thought he was the worst film maker ever you plainly haven’t seen enough films.

    • SpacemanSpliffz

      comparing uwe boll to ed wood is not gonna sway anybody here sir, no one.

  • SpacemanSpliffz

    good riddance to bad rubbish

  • Marc D

    Postal was actually watchable and O.K.

  • G.A. McGillivray

    I’ve enjoyed every movie he’s ever made… The Rampage movies are excellent. Postal was hilarious, Seed was killer crazy, Stoic was realistically depressing, 1968 Tunnel Rats was an excellent addition to Vietnam era movies, Assault on Wall Street was maddening and just a reflection of current news at the time, Attack on Darfur is again about something no one in any first world country wants to deal with etc etc.

    The big mistake, was making video game adaptations early in his career. You can never please game players. Once you’re marked as ‘defiling’ video games you’re in trouble.

    If you haven’t seen any of the movies I listed above, check them out – if you can find them!

  • Kaijudude

    I’ve always liked His movies Most people don’t , but i do . if only Exactly becaus of their faults . They’re just cheesy good fun.

  • Matt

    I actually liked some of his movies. The Rampage movies, Postal, In the Name of the King (I like all of Jason Statham’s movies), and Bloodrayne (Yes, I liked Bloodrayne,
    Kristanna Loken was smokin’ hot and kickin’ ass in that one).

    • Richter Belmont

      Kristanna Loken can suck me dry anytime! Of blood …. I meant blood?

      • Kristoffer Groves

        If there’s blood coming out of you down there, you really need to go to the clinic for some penicillin. Be sure to mention my name to receive a 20% discount.

    • PsychoMantis18

      Ahhhh, this explains a lot…

      • Joe Brick (TGOL)

        Ahhh does it retard, lol

        • PsychoMantis18

          And a comma after it and before retard, retard.

          • Kristoffer Groves

            It’s grammatically incorrect to start a sentence with the word “and,” dumbf@ck.

          • PsychoMantis18

            No, it’s not, dumb-fuck.

            Your error aside, I have no issue with poor spelling or bad grammar and make many mistakes myself, but when a troll calls you a retard after such a fault, it’s all too easy….

          • Kristoffer Groves

            Lol, just yanking your chain

          • PsychoMantis18

            Consider it yanked.

      • Matt

        wah waaah wah wah wah waaaah

        • PsychoMantis18

          What’s wrong? Cyber-hug?

          • Joe Brick (TGOL)

            What’s worse is that you’re just another Cyber- gaylord trolling for dìck pics, lmfao

          • Creepshow

            Everyone stop looking!!
            I found the person that still says gaylord. Witness his mugshot, in all its glory.

          • Joe Brick (TGOL)

            Lol you seem to know all about it, Mr Fudged.

          • Creepshow

            Good one, Corky.

          • Joe Brick (TGOL)

            Awh that the best you can do, lol

          • PsychoMantis18

            You’re laughing your arse off at your own crappy insults?

            I wish I was as easily amused as you.

          • Creepshow

            I’m considering changing my name to Cyber Gaylord. That name just fucking rocks!

          • PsychoMantis18

            You’re not wrong, it is quite brilliant. Definitely a milkshake that will bring all the boys to the yard.

          • Joe Brick (TGOL)

            Join the lame train of comebacks with your brother Creepshow, rofl

          • PsychoMantis18

            And now you’re rolling on the floor laughing? You sound a bit special.

          • Joe Brick (TGOL)

            And is never the way to begin a sentence, poor grammar is unacceptable. Still rofl.

          • PsychoMantis18

            Don’t get much right, do ya?

            Being a troll is all well and good when you actually have some wit and know how to stir… but you, you’re failing miserably.

  • Richter Belmont

    The amount of hate he garnered from the gamer community was hilarious. As a gamer myself, I once despised him but learned to like the personality (especially after his boxing invitational), and eventually came to regard ‘In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale’ in a good light, as well as ‘Bloodrayne’ despite the terribly clichéd dialogue. ‘House Of The Dead’ and ‘Alone In The Dark’ have developed into the it’s so bad it’s good category for me, too. Weird.

  • Kieran Fisher

    Assault On Wall Street is better than Wall Street 2. It’s a great movie. Boll has made a few good flicks in his time and doesn’t get the credit he deserves for them. The Rampage movies, Tunnel Rats, Darfur, Stoic, Auschwitz and Heart of America are all raw, uncompromising works of political rage. Postal is silly un-PC fun. Granted, he’s made some absolute shit, but he’s far from terrible when he actually cares about the project he’s working on.

    • zybch

      WoWS was the only one of his that I thought was any good. The rest? Hell no.

    • Zolar Waka

      There were a couple of other good ones in there too. People who write him off because of those video game adaptations, which, less face it, wouldn’t even be good if Kubrick directed them, are missing some seriously visceral stuff. Darfur, Tunnel Rats and Rampage are three heavy duty films in every way. A lot of the others are just fun to watch.

  • TheSlitheryDee

    Rampage was awesome and I really dug the sequel as well. I’ve absolutely hated every other film of his that I’ve tried.

  • Spikedjesus

    Rampage > every wizard movie that can ever be made

  • disqus_uPh3WDxbQy

    Boll is a joke. For me he is hands down the worst director alive.

    • Joe Brick (TGOL)

      And here you are not only watching movies you claim to hate but then spend your precious time here being a fucking critic .. Join the other idiot clowns here bitchin.. Dumbass

      • disqus_uPh3WDxbQy

        First of all, Fuck Off you wretched asswipe. Secondly I learned my lesson after watching a couple of his abysmal movies. So no, I quit while I was ahead and stopped wasting my time on such inferior trash. Finally I have a right to my opinion as much as you, but since you’re such a vile piece of shit it’s clear you’re the bozo walking around with a large, red nose shoved up his ass for Mr. Boll. Congratulations!

  • zybch

    Ah hahaha

  • Baron Von Marlon

    He made Rampage and Assault On Wall Street, so I can forgive all the crap.
    Rampage is a cult classic imo. Freakin’ love that movie.

  • PsychoMantis18

    Great news. Let the delusional and talentless dick fade away.

    • Joe Brick (TGOL)

      Look up the meaning if Delusional retard you might just see your pic there, lol… Fucking nerd

      • PsychoMantis18

        OF delusional, genius.

        • Joe Brick (TGOL)

          Simple error like your daddy made.. Genius

          • PsychoMantis18

            Which one? My daddy made many.

  • dsxy

    It was better than wall Street 2 though lol

  • Rob

    Thank fucking Christ, been waiting for this fucker to piss off.

    • Joe Brick (TGOL)

      Idiot why watch them and waste even more time bitchin here, you either have no life or just the typical attention seeking pussy that makes this world the sad place it is today… for you anyway, rofl … Fucking idiot

  • Some Guy

    He will not be missed. Dude had no talent and blamed his alcoholic stupor on everyone else around him. Even his boxing matches were terrible. Quite frankly? I don’t want him to announce his retirement, I want some dude to give him a haymaker and retire him that way. Then he’ll truly be done.

    Uwe couldn’t film a plastic bag carrying dog piss for two hours while “ze techno muzik” plays on his iPod. How that guy got legitimate offers to film anything is a miracle.

    • Joe Brick (TGOL)

      Dude bet you live at home in your basement wanking off to Uwe Boll’s movies, I only wish I could give you the haymaker you deserve you fucking tard

  • Joe Brick (TGOL)

    All you fucking game playing nerds wanked off to much to games like it was porn, like the fucking idiots you are you would rather watch cgi fucken Hollywood bullshit, The world is full of fucking idiots who think they have all the answers about what makes a good film. If you watched all his movies and say you hate all of them makes you a fucking moron and a waste of space with no life, who watches films if they don’t like any of this awesome directors previous works. Anyway keep watching the Avengers, Star Wars and all the other cgi films on offer these days, let’s face it you don’t need intelligence to follow those Hollywood BS movies.

    • Harry Knowles Best

      Did you just have a seizure? Or is that how Uwe Boll fans talk? *giggle*

      • Joe Brick (TGOL)

        Nice Harry at least a more interesting comment than most here, *Chuckles*

    • disqus_uPh3WDxbQy

      Joe Brick is just a little prick who clearly invested too much time and money into Uwe Boll’s epic failures.

      • Joe Brick (TGOL)

        your life is an epic failure just trolling websites for attention, rofl.. Free clown entertainment . Thanks Bozo

    • WindowsIsDead

      Uwe, get out of the internet!

  • Rob

    Joe…eat a snickers.

  • Kristoffer Groves

    Honestly, Uwe Boll isn’t as bad as everybody says. Most of his video game movies weren’t great, but Tunnel Rats and the Rampage trilogy were pretty enjoyable. Postal is one of my all time favorite movies. Sure, it’s crass and vulgar, but so was the game series. Uwe Boll was the best possible person to direct Postal.

  • James Allard

  • Bludy_st00l

    Gon miss ole Uwe…seemed like he just made the movies he wanted to make and that my friends is something to be respected

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