Editorials
13 Key Witch Movie Titles!
As the nights cool down and the veil between the living and the dead grows thinner and thinner, what better time to look at some wickedly cool witch movies, and thank the Dark Lord for their existence? From a little girl who calls on Satan to banish a teacher from the earth, to a witchy woman who makes the mistake of falling for a mortal, to an adulterous preacher who leads his followers into the fray after he is banished from the town for his crimes, it’s all here, in this list, every wonderfully sacrilegious example of devout worshippers of dark spirits on film, in this list. Look no further, for I have gathered for you all that you could ask for as you drop your supplies into your sacred cauldron and look for worthy witch movie titles to watch this fall season. Read on, revisit some classics, and hopefully discover a few new gems, in this collection of enchanting films, which are listed in no particular order, below.
Viy
When a seminary student named Khoma is first seduced and then taunted by a ghastly witch, he retaliates, and in the process, strikes her nearly to death. Panicked, he flees back home, but is soon called upon to say blessings over the body of a rich merchant’s dying girl – the same dying girl whose wounds Khoma inflicted himself just a few hours before. He prays over the witch’s body, for the next three nights, locked in a chapel with her corpse, and each night is worse than the last. Every evening the witch’s body walks around the chapel blindly, reaching for Khoma and calling his name. Khoma’s physical body is protected by a sacred chalk circle, but spiritually, he’s coming apart at the seams. The witch inches a little closer with the coming of each nightfall, and Khoma knows he’s doomed, but this is one curse he can’t escape, for he has already has his penance set in stone, and it was all set into motion the day he dared lash out against one of Satan’s afflicted children.
Eyes of Fire
Body swallowing soil, disappearing ancient forest dwellers, and a scattered downpour of raining skulls – all of this and more permeates every scene of the stunning period piece horror film Eyes of Fire. Revolving around a group of settlers who take off into the woods after their preacher is accused of adultery, this puritanical nightmare, beautifully captured by director Avery Crounse, gently melds together a compelling blend of fantasy and reality that slowly reels its viewers in until they, too, are engulfed in this strange world. It’s daring and it’s haunting, and everything a movie about 1700s witches should be.
Belladonna of Sadness
Originally released in West Germany in June of 1973, then restored and re-released in 2016, this trippy little animated Japanese revenge flick features some truly gorgeous watercolor paintings, a psychedelic rock fused score, and a heartbreaking tale about a poor girl who is horribly scorned. Abused and ejected from her village, the girl, Jeanne, only has one option left: she must give in to Satan’s sweet seductions and embrace a life of free sex, boundless limitations, and Paganism. As she tumbles down her dark rabbit hole of temptation and black magicks, the girl, now known as Belladonna, finds that less and less of her soul remains intact, as the Dark Lord’s influence spreads, and the witch completely takes over.
Race with the Devil
When two young couples embark on a cross country journey together with nothing but an RV underfoot and a relaxing dream of exploring the nation in mind, they believe what any young people setting out on a destination vacation would: that they are in for the trip of a lifetime. Little do they know, their exciting little excursion into unfamiliar terrain might be the last time any one of them is seen alive. Complete with devil worshippers, human sacrifice, and a written warning from witches caught in the act, the 1975 Peter Fonda and Warren Oats gem Race with the Devil is as riveting and wholly intense as it is eerily insistent on condemning gossiping gawkers to their irrevocable fate. This one isn’t to be missed.
Poison for the Fairies
Two little ten-year-old girls attend school together in Mexico City during the 1960s. One is named Flavia, and she is the wealthy newcomer to the town. The other is Veronica, and she is a witch. At least, that’s what she tells her newfound friend Flavia before she threatens to curse her with the devil’s wrath if she tattles to anyone. Victoria talks about Satan a lot, and of spells, and sticks her tongue out at crosses, and gathers supplies to poison fairies, who she claims despise witches. At first, it all seems like fun and games, but as their friendship blossoms, and Flavia begins to realize how wicked Veronica truly is, she suddenly doesn’t want to play anymore – but Veronica isn’t willing to let go of the newest member of her juvenile little coven just yet. Not only is it cool to see a movie with such young actresses portraying wiccans, but this film does a terrific job of toying with the viewers’ perception of Veronica, leaving it up to debate whether or not she really is a witch well through the end of the feature.
Bell Book and Candle
Released the same year and only a few months later than Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo, this charming little riff on the dangers of an enchantress falling in love with an everyday plain old human male sees Kim Novak and Jimmy Stewart paired up yet again in a romance that’s just as endearing as their time together onscreen before, although this time, their love is fueled by magic – literally. When talented witch Gillian Holroyd (Novak) sees something she wants, she takes it, but when she places a love spell on newly engaged bachelor Shepherd Henderson (Stewart), she’s shocked to learn that her lovesick spellbound puppy’s feelings are not unrequited. For the first time in her life, she’s fallen in love, and isn’t it just her luck, it happens to be with a mortal. She’s been meddling with dark forces her entire life, but now, Gil will find that there’s no potion that can fix a broken heart.
Haxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages
Originally intended as a documentary about the origin of witch hunts and superstitions of witches, Benjamin Christensen’s 1922 silent film Haxan: Witchcraft Through the Ages details the accounts of pointed fingers that led to events like the Salem Witch Trials through such disturbing dramatic reenactments (especially for the 1920s time period in which it was released) that it comes across as more of a German expressionist horror film than a historical retelling of true events. Aside from the delightfully blasphemous depictions of graphic nudity and ancient torture tactics, it’s just downright impressive how well made this movie is, considering the era that it came out in, and the restrictions that director Chirstensen had to overcome.
Black Sunday
One of director Mario Bava’s best, Black Sunday is a merciless and very honest depiction of the Salem Witch Trials, and a unique and heavily atmospheric take on a witch’s curse as it lives on through the centuries. Starring Barbara Steele as the wronged woman first executed and then brought back from the dead, this princess seeks vengeance on those who tortured her until her final breath, but she doesn’t mind leaving some bodies in her wake along the way. This witch comes back to life slowly, piece by piece, as each body she drains fills her bare bones more and more, until she is nearly human again. Once she is fully revitalized, will any living mortal be able to stop her path of destruction? It’s unlikely, but it sure is fun to watch them try.
I Married a Witch
Just as the TV sitcom Bewitched proved, a show that was actually partially inspired by this 1942 gem, when a witch falls in love with a mortal, the results can be pretty damn hilarious. Starring old Hollywood icon Veronica Lake, I Married a Witch follows the story of Jennifer the witch, and her warlock father Daniel, as they seek vengeance upon Wallace Wooley, a descendent of the man who burned them both at the stake back in 1672. Now, in the present day 1940s setting, Veronica hopes to bring misery and suffering to the newest member of the Wallace clan by placing Wally under a love spell, but what she didn’t plan on was falling in love with the man whom she had been conditioned to hate.
The Brotherhood of Satan
It was supposed to be a simple trip to grandmother’s house to celebrate their daughter’s birthday, but this family just stumbled through the wrong town, and they’ll pay dearly for their mistake. This group is accidentally drawn into a small town’s Satanic activity after their car breaks down and they are forced to reside in those houses, the ones where people keep mysteriously dying choking to death without any sign of an intruder, leading them to believe more and more than spiritual or supernatural forces may be at work. Could it be that they are at the mercy of the unholy practice of witchcraft? And what are they to make of it when all the town children go missing, including their very own daughter? Can they put a stop to the sorcery and save their kin, or are they doomed to succumb to the evil wrath of those magical beings who draw their powers from the Prince of Darkness? Only time will tell in this wicked little special feature, where the elderly are to be feared, and they children are only a pawn in their sick games.
The Witch
Cast out into the wilderness after the man of the house, William, calls the town’s clergy into question, this frazzled little family made up of New England settlers has no choice but to set up camp outside of the safety of the plantation’s walls, out yonder in dangerous territory, nearly where the witch of the wood supposedly resides. Once their crops start mysteriously dying and their children go missing, one by one the family begins pointing their fingers, first at each other, and then mainly at their teenage daughter Thomasin. A young woman entering adulthood while simultaneously discovering her own sexuality, Thomasin is the perfect scapegoat for her family’s ill will, even though she’s not the one causing their misfortune – or is she?
The Blood on Satan’s Claw
Linda Hayden’s ultra sultry portrayal of the dangerously charming Angel Blake is reason enough to see this movie, but there’s much more to love in the highly underrated and vastly underseen Blood on Satan’s Claw. Set in seventeenth century England, this film tells the story of a group of local village children who go against their preachers’ teachings, and flock to the warm embrace of Satan. Once they have converted to become a follower of the Dark Lord, they bear a mark; a a patch of fur somewhere on their bodies, that signifies their newfound alliance, otherwise known as the skin of Satan. Their devious antics are downright malevolent, but it is admittedly entertaining watching them play the innocent child card and get away with their crimes.
The Crucible
Abigail Williams has always been a naughty child, but when she falls for married man John Proctor and he refuses to leave his wife after their brief encounter, Abby will do anything to claim him as her own, even if that means resorting to sorcery. Based on the play by Arthur Miller, Nicholas Hyther’s The Crucible is made powerful by its two leads performances, Winona Ryder as the deranged and selfish little Abigail, and the always impressive Daniel Day Lewis as the guilt ridden man searching for his morality Mr. Proctor. This film is not only a well adapted version of Miller’s original commentary on black listing during the Red Scare, but also serves as a unique reversal of perspective on the usual witch tropes in film, and shows how some women (and people in general) could use the witch hunt of Salem to push their own personal agendas into the spotlight.
Twice a month Joe Lipsett will dissect a new Amityville Horror film to explore how the “franchise” has evolved in increasingly ludicrous directions. This is “The Amityville IP.”
A bizarre recurring issue with the Amityville “franchise” is that the films tend to be needlessly complicated. Back in the day, the first sequels moved away from the original film’s religious-themed haunted house storyline in favor of streamlined, easily digestible concepts such as “haunted lamp” or “haunted mirror.”
As the budgets plummeted and indie filmmakers capitalized on the brand’s notoriety, it seems the wrong lessons were learned. Runtimes have ballooned past the 90-minute mark and the narratives are often saggy and unfocused.
Both issues are clearly on display in Amityville Karen (2022), a film that starts off rough, but promising, and ends with a confused whimper.
The promise is embodied by the tinge of self-awareness in Julie Anne Prescott (The Amityville Harvest)’s screenplay, namely the nods to John Waters’ classic 1994 satire, Serial Mom. In that film, Beverly Sutphin (an iconic Kathleen Turner) is a bored, white suburban woman who punished individuals who didn’t adhere to her rigid definition of social norms. What is “Karen” but a contemporary equivalent?
In director/actor Shawn C. Phillips’ film, Karen (Lauren Francesca) is perpetually outraged. In her introductory scenes, she makes derogatory comments about immigrants, calls a female neighbor a whore, and nearly runs over a family blocking her driveway. She’s a broad, albeit familiar persona; in many ways, she’s less of a character than a caricature (the living embodiment of the name/meme).
These early scenes also establish a fairly straightforward plot. Karen is a code enforcement officer with plans to shut down a local winery she has deemed disgusting. They’re preparing for a big wine tasting event, which Karen plans to ruin, but when she steals a bottle of cursed Amityville wine, it activates her murderous rage and goes on a killing spree.
Simple enough, right?
Unfortunately, Amityville Karen spins out of control almost immediately. At nearly every opportunity, Prescott’s screenplay eschews narrative cohesion and simplicity in favour of overly complicated developments and extraneous characters.
Take, for example, the wine tasting event. The film spends an entire day at the winery: first during the day as a band plays, then at a beer tasting (???) that night. Neither of these events are the much touted wine-tasting, however; that is actually a private party happening later at server Troy (James Duval)’s house.
Weirdly though, following Troy’s death, the party’s location is inexplicably moved to Karen’s house for the climax of the film, but the whole event plays like an afterthought and features a litany of characters we have never met before.
This is a recurring issue throughout Amityville Karen, which frequently introduces random characters for a scene or two. Karen is typically absent from these scenes, which makes them feel superfluous and unimportant. When the actress is on screen, the film has an anchor and a narrative drive. The scenes without her, on the other hand, feel bloated and directionless (blame editor Will Collazo Jr., who allows these moments to play out interminably).
Compounding the issue is that the majority of the actors are non-professionals and these scenes play like poorly performed improv. The result is long, dull stretches that features bad actors talking over each other, repeating the same dialogue, and generally doing nothing to advance the narrative or develop the characters.
While Karen is one-note and histrionic throughout the film, at least there’s a game willingness to Francesca’s performance. It feels appropriately campy, though as the film progresses, it becomes less and less clear if Amityville Karen is actually in on the joke.
Like Amityville Cop before it, there are legit moments of self-awareness (the Serial Mom references), but it’s never certain how much of this is intentional. Take, for example, Karen’s glaringly obvious wig: it unconvincingly fails to conceal Francesca’s dark hair in the back, but is that on purpose or is it a technical error?
Ultimately there’s very little to recommend about Amityville Karen. Despite the game performance by its lead and the gentle homages to Serial Mom’s prank call and white shoes after Labor Day jokes, the never-ending improv scenes by non-professional actors, the bloated screenplay, and the jittery direction by Phillips doom the production.
Clocking in at an insufferable 100 minutes, Amityville Karen ranks among the worst of the “franchise,” coming in just above Phillips’ other entry, Amityville Hex.
The Amityville IP Awards go to…
- Favorite Subplot: In the afternoon event, there’s a self-proclaimed “hot boy summer” band consisting of burly, bare-chested men who play instruments that don’t make sound (for real, there’s no audio of their music). There’s also a scheming manager who is skimming money off the top, but that’s not as funny.
- Least Favorite Subplot: For reasons that don’t make any sense, the winery is also hosting a beer tasting which means there are multiple scenes of bartender Alex (Phillips) hoping to bring in women, mistakenly conflating a pint of beer with a “flight,” and goading never before seen characters to chug. One of them describes the beer as such: “It looks like a vampire menstruating in a cup” (it’s a gold-colored IPA for the record, so…no).
- Amityville Connection: The rationale for Karen’s killing spree is attributed to Amityville wine, whose crop was planted on cursed land. This is explained by vino groupie Annie (Jennifer Nangle) to band groupie Bianca (Lilith Stabs). It’s a lot of nonsense, but it is kind of fun when Annie claims to “taste the damnation in every sip.”
- Neverending Story: The film ends with an exhaustive FIVE MINUTE montage of Phillips’ friends posing as reporters in front of terrible green screen discussing the “killer Karen” story. My kingdom for Amityville’s regular reporter Peter Sommers (John R. Walker) to return!
- Best Line 1: Winery owner Dallas (Derek K. Long), describing Karen: “She’s like a walking constipation with a hemorrhoid”
- Best Line 2: Karen, when a half-naked, bleeding woman emerges from her closet: “Is this a dream? This dream is offensive! Stop being naked!”
- Best Line 3: Troy, upset that Karen may cancel the wine tasting at his house: “I sanded that deck for days. You don’t just sand a deck for days and then let someone shit on it!”
- Worst Death: Karen kills a Pool Boy (Dustin Clingan) after pushing his head under water for literally 1 second, then screeches “This is for putting leaves on my plants!”
- Least Clear Death(s): The bodies of a phone salesman and a barista are seen in Karen’s closet and bathroom, though how she killed them are completely unclear
- Best Death: Troy is stabbed in the back of the neck with a bottle opener, which Karen proceeds to crank
- Wannabe Lynch: After drinking the wine, Karen is confronted in her home by Barnaby (Carl Solomon) who makes her sign a crude, hand drawn blood contract and informs her that her belly is “pregnant from the juices of his grapes.” Phillips films Barnaby like a cross between the unhoused man in Mulholland Drive and the Mystery Man in Lost Highway. It’s interesting, even if the character makes absolutely no sense.
- Single Image Summary: At one point, a random man emerges from the shower in a towel and excitedly poops himself. This sequence perfectly encapsulates the experience of watching Amityville Karen.
- Pray for Joe: Many of these folks will be back in Amityville Shark House and Amityville Webcam, so we’re not out of the woods yet…
Next time: let’s hope Christmas comes early with 2022’s Amityville Christmas Vacation. It was the winner of Fangoria’s Best Amityville award, after all!
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