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The 10 Worst Things That Could Happen to You in a Body Horror Film!

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Body Horror

One of the most terrifying sub-genre of horror is the body horror film. I’m one of those people who freaks out if I notice anything off-kilter with my body, so the imagery in body horror films are particularly frightening to me. There are a plethora of things that could happen to you if you find yourself trapped in a body horror film, and the following 10 things are some of the worst!

Lose Your Fingernails (The Fly and Contracted)

Why is it always the fingernails? Does anyone  immediately look away from the screen the second the fingernails start peeling off? The sound effects behind them are just gross!

Grow a Phallic Stinger (Rabid and Slither)

One of the more unrealistic symptoms on this list is growing a phallic stinger. Whether it be one from your armpit (David Cronenberg’s Rabid), or two from your stomach (James Gunn’s Slither), it can’t be a pretty feeling. That being said, it would be a pretty good defense mechanism.

Body Horror

Have Vines Crawl Around Inside You (The Ruins)

No. Just no. The mere thought of having a living organism crawl around under your skin is enough to….get under your skin (sorry). The Ruins is an extremely underrated film (it’s not perfect, but it is one of the best evil plant movies in existence and it’s based on a fantastic novel) that works as well as it does because of the paranoia it instills within the viewer. Have you ever known someone with lice? Or scabies? Or had a dog with fleas? You immediately start scratching thinking that the little bastards are all over you. That is the effect that The Ruins has on you.

Get Raped and Impregnated By the Devil (Rosemary’s Baby)

In what is arguably one of the most horrifying scenes ever put on film, young Rosemary Woodhouse (Mia Farrow) is raped by Satan himself. This one doesn’t really need any further explanation, but suffice it to say it’s absolutely despicable.

Be Reborn Out of Your Mother’s Vagina (Dead Alive)

Sure, Peter Jackson’s 1992 gorefest is plenty silly, but it’s still incredibly disgusting. I’ve gone into my issues with pus in the past, but Lionel’s (Timothy Balme’s) rebirth out of his mother’s enlarged vagina-stomach takes the cake in terms of grotesquerie. Blech.

Shave Your Skin Off (Cabin Fever)

Other than the leg-fingering scene, no moment is more cringe-worthy in Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever than the scene when Marcy (Cerina Vincent) runs her razor up her leg only to peel layers of skin off, revealing a bunch of open sores. No thank you!

Body Horror

Grow a VCR Vagina in Your Stomach (Videodrome)

One of the more bizarre entries on this list is courtesy (again) of David Cronenberg. Truth be told, I’m one of those people who just doesn’t “get” Videodrome, but that stomach VCR vagina still sent chills up my spine. Just imagine shoving a VHS into that orifice and wiggling in around in there.

Videodrome

Grow Teeth in Your Vagina (Teeth)

Full disclosure: I’m a man and thus do not have a vagina, so I can’t really imagine what this would feel like, but I can’t imagine it feels good. Granted, if you’ve seen the movie Teeth, you probably already know that Dawn (Jess Weixler) puts her “gift” to good use, but it could still be a fairly unreliable superpower. What if you were having angry sex? Accidents can happen!

Penis Turning Into a Giant Drill (Tetsuo: The Iron Man)

Now this is something that I can imagine. Maybe not the whole “slowly morph into a machine” part, but the sheer thought of my penis turning into a large drill is certainly horrifying. The sound effects and foley work of grinding metal are enough to make you cover your ears, but when the lead character rapes his girlfriend to death with his drill-penis, it almost becomes too much to handle.

Body Horror Drill Penis

Chest Morphs Into a Set of Jaws (The Thing)

I had to save the best for last, didn’t I? In what is arguably the greatest body horror film of all time, The Thing also features one of the most shocking set pieces when Norris (Charles Hallahan) appears to suffer a heart attack and Dr. Copper (Richard Dysart) attempts to revise him. Suddenly, Norris’ chest cavity opens up and becomes a giant mouth, chewing off Copper’s hands.  On a list of things of awful things that can happen to your body in a body horror film, this one ranks pretty high!

What are some other gross-out moments from body horror films that have made you turn away from the screen? What is that one thing that you just wouldn’t be able to handle if it happened to you? Let us know in the comments below!

A journalist for Bloody Disgusting since 2015, Trace writes film reviews and editorials, as well as co-hosts Bloody Disgusting's Horror Queers podcast, which looks at horror films through a queer lens. He has since become dedicated to amplifying queer voices in the horror community, while also injecting his own personal flair into film discourse. Trace lives in Austin, TX with his husband and their two dogs. Find him on Twitter @TracedThurman

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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