Horror In Your House Solves ‘Cloverfield’ Mysteries?

This is a pretty big Horror In Your House as there are plenty of options arriving on DVD this Tuesday, April 22. Obviously you’re going to want to go get your hands on CLOVERFIELD (even though there’s no Blu-ray release); then you can also pick of Genius Products’ BLACK HOUSE or just avoid Warner Home Video’s ONE MISSED CALL at all costs. Read on to see what else is arriving this week.

Horror in Your House – April 22, 2008
By: Tex Massacre

BLACK HOUSE: Genius Entertainment

When an insurance investigator arrives at the scene of his latest case, a run-down house in the middle of nowhere, he discovers a little boy hanging from the ceiling. The child’s father is eager for insurance compensation, while the frail, grieving mother bears signs of physical abuse on her body. The police close the case as suicide, but the insurance investigator suspects foul play and fears that the mother may be the next target. Projecting his own troubled past into the case, he soon discovers the shocking repercussions of digging too deep.

TEX SAYS: Insurance Fraud leads to murder and then so much more in this Hitchcockian entry from the Asian Horror front–a pretty solid thriller with a classic everyman protagonist.

BRITISH HORROR COLLECTION QUADRUPLE FEATURE (4-disc set): Shriek Show/Media Blasters

Make that four-for-gore as the Shriek Show delivers this set of screamers, including: FRIGHTMARE, HOUSE OF WHIPCORD, THE FLESH AND BLOOD SHOW and DIE SCREAMING MARIANNE.

CLOVERFIELD: Paramount

Five young New Yorkers throw their friend a going-away party the night that a monster the size of a skyscraper descends upon the city. Told from the point of view of their video camera the film is a document of their attempt to survive the most surreal horrifying event of their lives.

TEX SAYS: Monster movies make a comeback in a big way in this stomping spectacular from the mind of J.J. Abrams. Don’t pass this one up; it’ll wash away all your horrible memories of Roland Emmerich’s craptacular re-make of GODZILLA.

DEMONS AND WITCHES (10-disc set): BCI Eclipse

This 10-pack of fright films features: WITCHCRAFT X, WITCHCRAFT XI, WITCHCRAFT XII, THE STRANGERS, CRYSTAL FORCE II, DEMONSOUL, BLOODBATH, EVIL SISTER, THE SCREAMING and HELL SPAWN.

DIARIES OF THE LIVING DEAD: DEAD SUMMER/DEADHUNTER: SRS Cinema

DEAD SUMMER: A small Pennsylvania town has been quarantined from the rest of the world due to an unknown disease that’s causing the dead to be re-animated. It’s no mystery that these re-animated dead are zombies. Supplies are dropped off by helicopter and the town has adapted to this new way of life. The slow-like walking dead have become nothing more than an annoyance–that all changes when a young group of friends accidentally trigger the zombies into something more ferocious and primal. Now on the run from these increasingly violent creatures, the young group desperately tries to find a way to subdue them and to gain help from the outside world.

DEADHUNTER: 20 Years ago a construction project on the subway in the Spanish city of Sevilla suddenly closed. No explanation. Many workers died. Those who did not were buried alive. Until today, it has remained a mystery. But when work begins anew in that area, it unleashes the victims, now re-animated as zombies, who invade the city and consume the citizens. As the death toll mounts and all hope seems lost, the last hope for the city arrives in the form of a Special Forces group called “”The Deadhunters””. If they can’t stop the bloodbath, they will certainly die trying.

LOST MISSION: Vanguard

A psychological thriller, about a training mission deep into the Alpine mountains of northern Italy, and deep into the minds of the soldiers who are about to be tested for life. Five American Soldiers in training are sent deep into the woods of northern Italy, where they encounter a deadly sniper, who seems to be following every move they make. The soldiers, led by a Lieutenant that is in over his head, must escape to their rendez-vous location, before they are all shot down, but will they be able to trust their own eyes and ears, or their fellow soldiers, facing their struggle to survive?

ONE MISSED CALL: Warner Brothers

It happens to one. Then another. And another. College students discover eerie voicemail messages on their cell phones. Each call comes from the near future. Each call has the chilling voice of the student during his or her last moments alive. And each call comes true. Terror is One Missed Call away in this got-your-number shocker based on the hit Japanese thriller.

TEX SAYS: How anyone at Warner Brothers could think a remake of Takashi Miike’s version of Yasushi Akimoto’s novel would be a good idea is beyond me. And casting Shannyn Sossamon (CATACOMBS) in your film is like the kiss of death too boot. Take some time to rent the original first if you decide you’re really gonna watch this version

THE ORPHANAGE: New Line

Returning to her childhood home – a mysterious, seaside orphanage – Laura and her family unknowingly unleash a long-forgotten, evil spirit. Now, thrust into a chilling nightmare that involves the disappearance of her young son, Laura must confront the memories of her past before the ghosts of the orphanage destroy her…and everyone she has ever loved.

TEX SAYS: J.A. Bayona & Guillermo del Toro make magic together in this gothic fairytale that is rapidly become one of my top 5 films of the year. A must see and a must own. It fits perfectly into the PAN’S LABYRINTH and DEVIL’S BACKBONE world of Spanish Cinema.

SCARED TO DEATH: Retromedia

TEX SAYS: In this ALIEN clone from 1980–Director William Malone’s (HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL) debut feature–a retired cop, turned novelist, tracks down the Syngenor, a synthesized genetic organism that’s been on a wild killing spree.

SÉANCE: Lionsgate

A college student thinks her dorm room is being haunted by the ghost of a little girl. Though her roommates think she is crazy, they decide to hold a séance during the Thanksgiving break in an attempt to get rid of the troublesome spirit. What they don’t realize is that their séance can’t bring back a ghost that is already present. Instead, they invite in something much more terrifying – the little girl’s killer.

TEX SAYS: VACANCY writer Mark L. Smith takes the Director’s chair in this paint-by-numbers thriller that features a near mute performance by HIGHLANDER Adrian Paul. It’s only memorable for a few minor comedic moments wrapped in the fake jump scares and morose melodrama.

SICK NURSES: Magnet Pictures

Dr. Tah is a charming but devious surgeon who has a profitable side business supplying black market dealers with fresh human organs for transplant. Dr. Tah’s staff of alluring nurses help him find a steady source of victims, but one of his aides, Tahwan is shocked to find that her sister Nook is on the doctor’s list of upcoming cases, and threatens to turn him in to the police. Dr. Tah puts Tahwan under the knife to keep her quiet, and she conveniently dies during surgery. But a few days later, as Dr. Tah is receiving an award for his work saving lives, the ghost of Tahwan begins stalking the halls of the hospital, and she seeks violent revenge against the doctor and her fellow nurses who failed to come to her rescue.