Try and say that five times fast, spectacular Splatterhouse schwag, spectacular Splatiwejfwfiefhwei. I think I just had an aneurism. Well, before I go to the doctor to see what I just did to break my feeble geeky brain, I’m here to give away some spectac, err, fantastic Splatterhouse schwag. Come one, come all! I have t-shirts, shoes, PS3 and Xbox 360 copies of the game and, get this, foldable speakers. You want to know what they do? They fold. It’s a crazy world we live in, right? Back in my day we had to walk fifteen miles uphill in the freezing snow just for a muffin. But damn, those muffins were delicious.
Before you do whatever I ask of you to earn some of this superb schwag you should know we give you free things because we want you to be ours forever. So in a way, accepting gifts from us is essentially the same thing as strapping on a tight leather suit and maybe even a snazzy red ball gag and letting us make you our love slave. So as long as you’re alright with that, why don’t you throw on your gear and come on a little adventure with me? I promise to make it worth your while. [UPDATE: Don’t bother commenting anymore as this delicious contest is over.]
What we have here is some rather splendid Splatterhouse schwag that, since I’m in such a generous mood, will be bestowing upon you saucy lads and ladettes. There’s so much here to give that there will be multiple winners here, so your chances of winning some sweet, sweet schwag are pretty solid. But that’s not even the best thing about this giveaway; since Christmas is coming ever closer I won’t be asking you to make me laugh with a witty comment or be clever in really any way. Instead, since our Second Annual Fear Awards are coming up I’ll simply ask you what your favorite horror game of 2010 is and why.
On 12/26 while many of you are drooling glassey-eyed next to the fireplace in your post-Christmas comas, I’ll look through the comments and the ones I agree with will get some free shit. Err, I mean I’ll look through the comments and randomly (wink, wink) choose the winners who will then be sent a private message from yours truly (so make sure you have an eye on your inboxes around that time).
But you might be saying to yourself (undoubtedly in a strong southern drawl), Oh gee Willie, how on this sweet and bountiful planet could I sift through this year’s copious offering of horrifying goodness? Don’t worry, Uncle Adam’s here to soothe your worries away and make this all as effortless as possible. I mean, why should you be expected to do actual work? If you need help sifting through this year’s goods, look below to find my list of major releases, arcade titles and DLC I’ve compiled for easy perusal and please do let me know if I missed something (but doing so probably won’t improve your chances of getting free things).
Amnesia: The Dark Descent
Saw 2: Flesh and Blood
Dead Rising 2
Dead Space: Ignition
Left 4 Dead 2: The Passing
Left 4 Dead 2: The Sacrifice
Alan Wake: The Writer
Alan Wake: The Signal
Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare
Mass Effect 2: Overlord
Dead Rising 2: Case Zero
Dead Rising 2: Case West
Dead Space: Ignition
Call of Duty: Black Ops Zombies Mode
Castlevania: Lords of Shadow