First EVER Review for Lucky McKee’s ‘The Woods’!!

In my opinion one of the most surprising and kick ass independent films I’ve ever seen was Lucky McKee’s May (review), which was released on DVD last year. With the announcement of his next flick, The Woods, I was very excited, up until tonight at 5 AM. Just getting home from watching Plan 9 from Outer Space, I have sitting the first ever review for The Wood, and it’s bad – very bad. Read on to see what Noah the Movie Kid had to say about the flick that hits theaters october 1st – remember, I have NOT checked to see if this is legit yet, but it appears to be pretty real to me.
Noah the Movie Kid writes in the following review:

Last night, I was fortunate enough to catch a screening of Lucky McKee’s latest flick The Woods. Before the movie began, everyone was warned that it was a very rough cut. I don’t even to know where to start with this atrocity that they have the nerve to call an actual movie.

First off, you can tell right from the very start that the movie is half-assed and was obviously rushed. The movie opens with a cheesy flashback of three teenage witches who are being chased by a group of girls. The witches become cornered as one of the girls picks up a giant axe and throws it. The axe lands on one of the witches. Then, the title, “The Woods,” appears. The audience began screaming wildly and clapping for some unknown reason.

As the movie went on, the story became cheesier and cheesier. The entire story of the film literally had a whole Goosebumps feel to it. The movie leads to a finale that will leave you just going “what the ****?”

One of the only positive things I can say about the movie was that the acting was pretty good- except from Mr. Bruce Campbell himself. What in the name of Jesus would have possessed him to choose such a role? It doesn’t fit his personality at all, and he just sucked. I never thought I’d announce the day that Bruce Campbell stared in a movie and had absolutely no screen presence. They might as well just change the title of the film to “Bruce Campbell’s Mid-Life Crisis.”

As for the directing, Lucky McKee actually has some talent, as we saw in “May”. Just like “May”, this story features absolutely nothing new to the genre. “May” was practically a female carbon copy of the genius short “The Same” by Mark Palansky. “The Woods” doesn’t seem to cease to rip off all the popular cabin movies: everything from “Cabin Fever”, “The Faculty”- hell, it even ripped off “The Guardian” (William Friedkin). Lucky seems to be a bit schitzo as half of the movie has great shots while the other half is so, and again I stress the word, amateur. I seriously believe that one word sums up Lucky McKee, AMATEUR.

The movie does have it’s moments, don’t get me wrong but there are definitely not enough of them to say it was even an okay movie. I would be utterly shocked if this movie actually reaches theaters. It’s just too cheesy, too amateur, and too unoriginal.

I found it so surprising that once the movie ended, people were running out of the theater. Usually everyone waits politely to fill out the survey, but not this time. People were literally running to the exits and the movie was even booed. It was a bit sad because there were members of the film’s crew there. No one important: probably just the assistants to the assistants.

I’d say try to avoid this movie if possible but if you just have to see it then please don’t bother to buy a movie ticket for it. I assure you, you’re not missing anything at all. This movie truly does lower cinema, to the point of scum. Those who see “The Woods” will definitely be running out of the theaters and into the woods.