Anyone who’s stuck with the series of films that call themselves Resident Evil despite having really no connection with the games at this point outside of some familiar characters and the Umbrella Corporation is fully aware that Retribution is almost definitely going to be more of the same. I have no problem admitting that I actually enjoy watching the movies for their mindless action and spectacle. All I need to do to prepare for a Resident Evil movie night is turn off my brain, get real comfy and press play. My ability to enjoy the series for what it is changed pretty drastically with the last flick, Afterlife, a movie that took the nonsensical story and awful acting to almost impressive levels of stupid. If the movies stay on track, Retribution is very likely to be the worst movie so far. Head past the break for a critical, thought-provoking analysis of the film’s new trailer (who am I kidding? I’m only going to talk about chainsaws and explosions).
For starters, here’s the trailer:
Done? Good. So the trailer starts off simply enough, with the now expected close-up of Alice’s (Milla Jovovich) eyes. Then we get to see her life in suburbia, complete with newly reincarnated Carlos Oliviera (Oded Fehr) as her husband and a young daughter. Ok, so that kiss in Extinction that had the audience aflutter–I saw it at a midnight opening so I was surrounded by fans, the cheers and applause that scene received was second only to the one that followed where Carlos whipped out a doobie and died in style–has now become a full on marriage in Retribution.
Or has it?
As we quickly realize, things are not what they seem. This happy life with the perfect family isn’t real, it’s merely a facade created by the progressively evil Umbrella Corporation to fuck with poor, poor Alice. So when Carlos gets bitten by one of those pseudo-zombies stolen from Resident Evil 5 (that’s the game, for you non-gamers) and Alice tosses her child out the window (tuck and roll, baby!) that was all a memory implanted by Umbrella, because they can totally do that now. At this point, Paul W. S. Anderson is telling us “Fuck your suspension of disbelief, this is my motherfucking version of Resident Evil.” All right, Andy (he likes it when you call him that), chill out. I threw that concept out the window faster than Alice did with her kid when superpowers were introduced into the mix.
Oh, and before we continue, I really hope this isn’t the last we see of Carlos because he looks dorky as hell.
As Alice begins to realize that these memories are a trademark of the Umbrella Corporation, thanks in part to Ada Wong–better known by fans of the games as the “bitch in the red dress” (thank you Krauser, you damn eloquent wordsmith!)–the plot of the movie becomes clearer.
Actually, I was totally messing with you, it’s still confusing as all hell.
After a few quick shots of Alice and Ada in another Umbrella facility, one that’s almost certainly underground because in a world where there’s no government to keep your facility secret from, why the fuck not?, we get this:
That confirms Ada Wong is who she says she is, though really, she looks exactly like she does in the games so that wasn’t really a question. What about the girl? She’s been designated a “clone,” so does that mean the people in her flashback/implanted memory are clones and their real counterparts are all clones created by Umbrella? Is anyone in this movie real anymore?
Nope. Looks like they made clones of pretty much everybody but the real ones are still alive. I think.
It also looks like Umbrella has an underwater base now? Because everyone knows that’s even more secretive and evil than one that’s underground. Underground facilities are so 2010.
According to Wesker, Umbrella has taken over a variety of major cities, including New York, Moscow and Tokyo–a feat that would’ve been far more impressive if there was anyone left to defend those cities. Also, why not just take over the world? Who’s stopping you at this point? Most of humanity has been decimated by the T-Virus, the legions of undead it spawned, or the monsters Umbrella keeps pumping out. I know this question is absolutely pointless, but I feel I should ask it anyway: why do they want to take over the world? There’s no money in it, there’s no one left alive to enslave. Umbrella is crazy focused on taking over cities brimming with the undead.
If the previous movies are memories crafted by Umbrella–something that’s entirely possible since one or more characters from each of the last four movies is now alive and kicking (ass) in this trailer–this could mean the world hasn’t entirely gone to shit, so there are still governments and people left to take over. Thankfully, Umbrella has made a shit-out-your-spine scary Uber-Licker that may or may not be in mass production.
I don’t know about you, but if I saw this thing charging after me I would immediately fear-pee myself and run away.
There’s more to the trailer, but I feel this is enough to prove two things: first, this movie is mad bonkers. Secondly, the 12 year-old in me desperately wants to see it. But first, I have some lingering questions:
If they can pack two close-ups of Milla’s eyes into a 2 minute long trailer, how many can we expect to see in the two hour movie? I expect no less than twenty.
Not that I’m complaining, but where are Chris and Claire?
How much slow-mo can we expect to see in this movie?
Lastly, how long can Leon’s bangs get? Seriously, if the above questions aren’t answered, this one is a must. Does he use a special conditioner, is that his special ability, what?
I’m going to leave you with this:
That, my friends, is the chainsaw man, first introduced to us in Resident Evil 4. Not content to simply pillage the games for all their cool shit, this guy has been modified somewhat. The dorky ass shades and massive headphones(?) are a nice touch, guys. I’m especially fond of the dorky grin on his face, it shows he loves what he does and what he does is ruin your day with a chainsaw.
If anything, Retribution might actually end up being more like the games than the previous films because it’s finally decided to drop everything and make a mad dash for crazy. It doesn’t care if you come along, in fact, it doesn’t even know you’re there. It’ll gladly take your money and have a fun time doing so. Resident Evil 6 is taking a similar approach by introducing three separate campaigns that follow different groups of people whose paths cross randomly throughout the game. Retribution is sort of like that, only it was all a dream.