I was one of those kids that loved playing Contra on the original NES. Friends would come over and we’d crowd around my 13-inch TV, eager to shoot the hell out of Red Falcon. I’d pop in the cartridge, turn on the Nintendo, and…DAMMIT! Gimme a second here guys… ::takes out cartridge, blows like a madman on the bottom, pops it back in, turns on POWER:: Dun-DUN-Dun-dun-Dun…BUM-BUM! YES! GAME ON! And the first thing we did? ⇡-⇡-⇣-⇣-⇠-⇢-⇠-⇢-B-A-select-start. 30 lives, bitches.
Taking the role of either Bill “Mad Dog” Rizer or Lance “Scorpion” Bean, my friends and I passed the controller tackling level after level in an effort to make it as far as we could before the parents determined that enough was enough and that we had to go play outside. Although we never beat the game, my memories of us trying are still ones that I look back on with fondness. And frustration (damn, that game was hard).
Now, if you ever played Contra as a kid but were also one of the lucky kids whose parents allowed them to watch rated-R movies, the image below will BLOW YOUR MIND! Seriously, I looked at it and my views on Obamacare, Mitt Romney, the Taliban, Demi Moore, and the Higgs-Boson particle have all radically shifted. So, if you’re strong enough of constitution (wear your helm of +5 to this perk), click on brave reader. Click on.