[BD Caption Contest] What Would Jesse Say?!
The First Prize winner this week is Lou (please DM me your US mailing address) you get a The Strange Kids Club Poster Set!
![Cujo Caption Lou 11 23 12 [BD Caption Contest] What Would Jesse Say?!](http://cdn.bloody-disgusting.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Cujo_Caption_Lou_11_23_12.jpg "Cujo_Caption_Lou_11_23_12")
This week (ie for next week’s winners) we will be giving away a Mystery Prize (aka a bunch of weird DVD’s) to both the first and second place winners.
Head inside to see the Runner-Up for last week’s contest and to start this week’s contest!
![Cujo Caption Googopqp 11 23 12 [BD Caption Contest] What Would Jesse Say?!](http://cdn.bloody-disgusting.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Cujo_Caption_Googopqp_11_23_12.jpg "Cujo_Caption_Googopqp_11_23_12")
Our runner-up is Googopqp – who entered so many times he was bound to get it right! Let that be a reminder to enter as many times as you want! Please DM me your US mailing address for a The Strange Kids Club Poster Set!
![Cujo Caption DoktorH 11 23 12 [BD Caption Contest] What Would Jesse Say?!](http://cdn.bloody-disgusting.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Cujo_Caption_DoktorH_11_23_12.jpg "Cujo_Caption_DoktorH_11_23_12")
Our Third Place (no prizes for third but wanted to mention it) is DoktorH.
Rules:
1. We pick a still from a movie – or in this cas a clip from a movie. You head to the comments section and submit your best one-liners, zingers, pathos riddled couplets etc… In this week’s case you have to do is come up with a caption from the video below! It can be from the POV of one of the characters, or a comment on it as a whole!
2. You can enter as many times as you like and submit as many captions as you want, but each caption must be in a separate comment. Otherwise it will be too hard to tell where one caption ends and the other begins. Your entries can be posted anytime after the still is announced – just be sure to check that I haven’t announced that the contest is closed in the comments (you don’t want to submit your winning zinger after we’ve picked the winner). Also any racist, sexist, homophobic or generally hateful jokes will be disqualified. You don’t have to be insanely PC – just use your best judgement. Try and keep it brief! It has to fit on the photo now!
3. We pick the winner and announce them and their winning caption when the next photo in the contest is posted. We will address you by your BD Infected name. You can then DM me your US mailing address (no PO boxes) and I will send you your prize in a timely manner (i.e. you should have it in a couple of weeks). You must be a US resident to receive your prize!
![Near Dark Jesse Caption 11 23 12 [BD Caption Contest] What Would Jesse Say?!](http://cdn.bloody-disgusting.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Near_Dark_Jesse_Caption_11_23_12.jpg "Near_Dark_Jesse_Caption_11_23_12")
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I’ll have a double cheeseburger and medium fries, please.
You all may think this is Near Dark, but this is actually one of many George Lucas’s latest additions for Disney’s new Star Wars box set.
Where to, Miss Daisy?
This is what 40 years of smoking cigarettes looks like.
Fight with curling iron. Curling iron won.
Girlfriend won fart contest.
Lone survivor of the Salem Witch Trials.
Flicked cigarette at Chuck Norris, Burst into flames
Here’s some water for that third degree burn.
Had staring contest with Chuck Norris, stared on fire
*started not *stared
What do you mean, This is Sparta?
When you feel a disturbance in the force, get the hell out of there
Is this where I audition for Tales from the Crypt?
These are not the vampires you’re looking for.
Nice!
still smoking from holocaust furnaces
what the fuck is wrong with you?
A lot, apparently (Pizzas don’t scream).
meet the new marlboro man!
come on, get in the car
you like twilight right?
Damn it Edward. You said I would sparkle!
You just went full vampire. Never go full vampire!
Hey Edward. Betchya can’t do this.
Note to self…
NEVER light a fart in the car!
If I was a little bit younger…I would be the goddamn Batman!
Excuse me, I need directions to the Jedi Temple
So you’re telling me I can do WORSE than Piranha 2?
Pardon me…do you have any Grey Poupon?
When they said I would be smoking in a movie with Bill Paxton I thought it would be Club Dread!!!!
Give me that knife and hold out your hand Paxton!!!
This Isn’t Twilight Charlie Brown… Starring Lance Henriksen as Linus
Do you know how long I’ve been driving around in search of a Twinkie?
Don’t think about it too much, they always pick a lame quote to win anyways.
Resurrected Obi Wan from Star Wars Episode VII?
Cheech and Chong???
Pussies!
“My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire. You wait ’till mom finds out, buddy!”
*Sniff* *Sniff* I smell smoke. Do you smell smoke?
“…it’ll be dark soon, and we mostly come at night… mostly.”
Hey, i just watched ‘aliens’ on HBO to.
We can’t stop here. This is bat country.
AAAAH!! … coffee through my damn nose!
“Let’s put it this way: I fought for the South. Not bad for a vampire, huh?”
“Hey Louise, better slow down, I’ll just die if we get caught over a speeding ticket. Are you sure we should be driving like this, I mean in broad daylight and everything?”
does my skin look ashy?
can you pass the ointment?
funny story, i was smoking in bed last night…
i ain’t got time to burn.
bill paxton’s acting is explosive!
Yo
this be dope weed bro
“Get in loser, we’re going shopping!”
“Where is the nearest pumpkin patch? This old witch lady has had me driving in circles forever now!”
May the schwartz be with you!
I am supposed to tell you Uncle Maul sent me.
You’re lettin’ all the stank out.
Hey how am I driving, man? ..
I think we’re parked.
I know what you’re thinkin’, but I swear we just smoked my last one.
*sniff* *sniff*…..tell me you didn’t just cut one in my ride!?
Yes, I smoke after sex.
Can you smell what Jesse’s been cooking?
“I’m a shoo in for this year’s Billy Bob Thornton Jedi Knight look-alike contest.”
Homer, you can speak with your mouth, ya know
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
i said it was puff puff pass!
Be honest…does my spray tan look natural?
Gas, ass or grass, kid. In or out?
Is it hot in here or is it just that I’m a bloody thirsty vampire in the middle of the fu*king dessert?
why have they not put me in a game since resident evil 4?
yea them 10′s… but I keep em clean tho.
It’s getting hot in here.
So put on all your clothes.
One day, I’ll patent this look, call it a Snuggie, and sell it to millions of douchebags.
That was funny!
Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me.
Drink Viper they said…..it’s great they said
Never again will I pick up a lizard
I found the spice.
I can teach you the dusty pinkie.
We find wisdom thru the burning bush.
My crotch is smoking…?!
“No, I am not in Prometheus”
“Yes, it’s true. I am the secret indgredient to Eggs Erroneous.”
*ingredient
Wanna see my Pumpkinhead?
They see me rollin’, they hatin’!!!
Trying to catch me riding dirty!!!
There’s no time to explain… get in!!!
Your mom asked me to pick you up!!!
Use Ios maps they said…
Please tell me…what is an Obi Wan?
I should have won.
I am so hot…Yeah fuck that song.
Please tell me HOW DID THE FLAMING HOMO JOKE GO AGAIN!!!
Chestnuts roasting on open flame. You start the Christmas song there???
YOUR STILL GETTING COAL I WAS IN THE CHIMNEY WHEN YOU FLOODED IT GAS!!!!
YOUR STILL GETTING COAL. I WAS IN THE CHIMNEY WHEN YOU FLOODED IT WITH GAS!!
Arsonist still at large? Weird radio shit right?
Look me in the eyes and ask yourself “Do i really want a hit of this?”
Let’s go. I’ll drive.
WWDCD?
……………….What Would David Carradine Do?
The real Fred Claus. Not funny, really, really not funny.
Just trying to get up the nerve to go to confession… why do you ask?
Ash Wednesday…
………….The day HE came home!
I’m late for the Masters Of The Universe meeting! They said it was in the Coachella Valley? Is this the right way?
I knew I should’a made that left turn at Albequerque!
Hey kid. Want some candy?
Yes, officer. I live in this car. Did you really have to ask?
$10 for HJ. $20 for BJ. And the Hepatitis is free.
You down with Hep-uh-tite-is-cee? Yeah, you know me!
*REVISION*: Ten for an HJ. Twenty for a BJ. And the Hep-C is FREE.
My loins burn for you.
I gotta see the doctor about this burning sensation.
50 SPF my ass!
“Shut up little boy. Let’s not turn this rape into a murder.”
“Don’t just stare at it. Eat it.”
“You boys like me-hi-co?!?”
These aren’t the droids your looking for.
“These aren’t the droids you are looking for.”
“Sandpeople are easily frightened.”
Mind if I smoke?
What’s the problem, officer?
isn’t it ironic? dontcha think?
I been putting out fire with gasoline
putting out fire…
Is it just me, or is it hot in here?
They told me the AC was fixed! It’s not my fault!
Should we roll down the windows?
That’s the last Pinto I’ll ever drive!
Sing with me! I’m burnin’ I’m burnin’ I’m burnin’ for you…
The warning label said do not incinerate, but who the hell listens to those?
That’s the last time I do stunts for a low budget production!
C’mon they said! It’ll be fun they said!
WTF are you lookin’ at?
Have I ever told you, you have beautiful eyes?
So, yeah, he passed.
What do you mean ‘Blue Oyster Cult sucks’?
Zoom zoom.
Man I dig Jim Morrison.
Calvin Klein skin lotion for vampires. Its not a bad tan, Im just sun burnt!
BRING ME THE HEAD…
OF CHRISTOPHER WALKEN.
Hey James, you got a part for me in Avatar 2?
Or a couple dollars I can borrow??
Old Dirty Bastard
Is it me, or does something smell in here?
Dude, what’s the rush?
Serious face
Who smelt it, dealt it.
Never go full retard
“It took me five years… To grow this awesome goatee”
“You.. me.. staring contst…. Annnnnnd GO”
“Shower?… I don’t need no stinking shower”
May I borrow…some lotion?
I went full retard……now I’m out of a job
When there’s smoke, there’s…not glitter
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSMOKIN’!
“jesus wept.”
“Dude, you want to hotbox this bitch?”
“Hey little girl is your daddy home..
…did he go and leave you all alone.”
patience, young grasshopper.
smoke if you got em’.
only YOU can prevent forest fires.
I’m a firestarter, terrific firestarter.
You’re the firestarter, twisted firestarter.
“Nothing a little fairy blood can’t cure.” ::wink:::
“Surgeon General warns….My ass.”
If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.
Don’t you mean “Hi, How are you?”..Officer.
“I thought it was ‘The sun’ll come out ..tomorrow!?”
Don’t drink and drive…
…park and spark
Pardon me,
Do you have any Grey Poupon?
What’s this $*#% I’ve been hearing about
about sparkling vampires
Don’t B Negative
B Positive
Shut the door. You’re letting all the smoke out.
How do you like my Mother Teresa Halloween costume?
I survived the Civil War and all I got was this dirty towel.
What did you say about my driving?
Do you smell something burning?
Get outta my dreams…get into my car.
Yes Mary… I know how to get to Wal-Mart…
Hey kid… Hop in… I swear there is some candy in the backseat
No… I don’t have ‘time’ to talk about Jesus…
“…were you serious about me smelling?”
I have a SCORCHING case of herpes
Use soap, it’s okay.
Come with me if you want to live…forever!
Correction: “Sooooo…were you serious about me smelling?”
“You would tell me if I didn’t look nice, right?”
I don’t mean to pry…but I think you’re on fire.
My Mom told me to never ride with strangers but you look normal enough.
“No, that isn’t an axe in the backseat, now lock the door before I get angry.”
Ever see that movie The Hitcher? No? Good.
God told me I would burn for doing those horrible Pumpkinhead sequels.
Come on let me play Bishop one more time!!!
Why am I always mistaken for being African American?
I’ll have a bloody Mary…and a drink too.
Just call me Sister Mary Jugular. It’s Latin for thirsty.
Stop crying, eat the candy I gave you and stop calling me Grandma.
I shouldn’t have eaten those tamales from Taco Bell.
I quit smoking. Why do you ask?
Why do you call this car Christine?
No, I played Ed Harley in the movie not Haggis.
My boys are on fire for you, baby. Literally.
dave?
Dave’s not here man.
So you’re saying the exhaust pipe should be outside?
It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s sunny… and we’re vampires. ..Hit it.
Why, this car is automatic
It’s systematic, it’s hydromatic
Why, it’s greased lightning
If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour … you’re gonna see some serious shit.
I’ll be Christian Grey. You’ll be Anastasia. You have no safewords.
I’m the man in the box.
I am ‘The Most Interesting Man in the World’
Dink dink, dink dink dink dink dink!
Fuck Twilight!
Mom said this would happen if I masterbated.
No, Obi-Wan Kenobi is not my father.
It tastes like burning.
Not bad for a vampire.
Believe in your smellf!
YEA….I’m sexy and i know it !!!!!!!!
I’m RICK JAMES…..BITCH !!!!!!!!!
Watch the upholstery
DAT ASS
Did someone say, under age girls?
“Do I look like a Jedi to you?”
“I’m Wearing this towel on my head because my asshole just made it a Sauna in here”
“You ever had smoked balls aged to perfection?”
“Huh…..So this is Tijuana?”
“Showers?, We Don’t need no stinking showers!”
“My daughters pregnant, where can i find Justin Bieber!!!”
“What? Its called Heroine Sheik!”
“You think this is bad, you should see the other guy.”
“Can i crash on your couch? Oscar the grouch kicked me out again.”
“Is this the audition for Magic Mike?”
“You like my new look? it’s called i live in a dumpster!”
“Drive a hybrid and everyone gives you dirty looks.”
“Just read the script for AVP…AMAZING!!!”
“Oh shit, is that a unicorn?!?!”
“See what happens when you don’t put the toilet seat down?!?!”
“There’s something on my shirt? NO SHIT!”
“You shop at Hobos-R-Us Too?”
“Thinkin I gotta fuck somebody before the week ends!”
“She’s naked, and I’m a peepin tom”
“Back up in your ass with the resurrection, Is the group harder than an erection!”
“Ahh fuck, chuck’s on a killin’ spree again”
Mis pantalones estan en fuego
Thankfully, my junk is flame retardant.
“Oh no Me Underwears!”
“Damn that Roadrunners fast!”
“Do you mind if my crotch smokes?”
“I know its a nasty habit, but they don’t make Nicoret underoos.”
“This is what happens when you go to hell wearing gasoline drawers.”
“This is your junk on broil….any questions?”
“Good, Bad I’m the one with a smoldering crotch”
“Sorry for the smoke i just gave Richard Pryor a lift.”
“*sniff sniff* i think it’s time to flip my balls over.”
“Sorry for my appearance it’s laundry day.”
“Damn when McDonalds says caution hot coffee they ain’t lying.”
“welcome to my home, there’s a quiche cooking on the manifold.”
“Have you heard the one about Drunk Superman?…Oh shit my dick’s on fire!
“I don’t think Penicillin is gonna get rid of this one Doc.”
“Can i have a cup of water, Thirsty? no i need to put my crotch fire out.”
“Was she hot?!?! Look at my britches, need i say more.”
“Heated seats can be a blessing, and a curse.”
“You ever seen a hotdog cooked too long in the microwave? well you’re about to.”
“I bought the hand warmers, what i use them to warm is my own damn business.”
“I’m replacing smokey the bear, Only you can prevent penis fires.”
“One drawback of using baby powder, you fart and everyone will know.”
“Fire! duhn duhn duhn, duhn duhn duhn Fire!”
“My pants, my pants, my pants are on fire. we don’t need no water let my Corduroy’s burn.”
“Yeah leather pants make your junk uncomfortable, but it’s worth it.”
“I’m telling you tanning bed seats are the way of the future.”
“Dude we have to find a White Castle ASAP!”
“Funny you should mention that all my Ex’s call me Mt. Vesuvius.”
“Never trust a kid holding a magnifying glass.”
“Great! my moms gonna be pissed i ruined her car seat again.”
“And they laughed when i said i was gonna put a fog machine in, who’s laughing now?”
“I’m an amateur firefighter, sometimes work comes home with me.”
“I work part time as a male stripper, they forgot to oil up the pole.”
“People keep throwing money at me like I’m homeless or something.”
“May cause Spontaneous Combustion?!?!”
“For the last time NO this is not the car from The Forsaken!”
“Nobody plays John Ryder like me bitch!”
“Before anyone says anything i know Lance Henriksen wasn’t in The Hitcher it was Lance taking at shot at Rutger Hauer now you’re in the loop.”
“Anyone seen Damien?”
“Looking for a pasty white bald kid about yea high.”
“I have to find my dog Max, Nature created him. Science perfected him. But no one can control him.”
“Listen here Gene Hackman nobody shoots Ace Hanlon and gets away with it!”
“The Mangler 2 = career suicide”
“Did someone sing Take Me Home Tonight?”
“Not sure if you want to take this taxi, unless you’re willing to go downtown.”
“C’mon I’ve got to get this car back to the set for Harry and the Hendersons.”
“I LOVE CAMPING!”
“I cannot believe you wiped your ass with this towel and threw it at me.”
“I’m calling you out Scrubbing Bubbles! Let’s do this!”
“I bet you thought turning over that Porta-Potty with me in it was funny huh?”
“What the hell happened last night?”
“Found this outfit at the Goodwill.”
“Eau de Toilettte is The same thing as Toilet water i looked it up.”
“I’m gonna pop some tags,Only got 20 dollars in my pocket,
I’m hunting, lookin’ for a come-up This is fucking awesome.”
“You’ll never believe this, But i found Jimmy Hoffa!”
“To Hell with AA I need a beer!”
“Look Bill Paxton you either shut it, or I’m gonna show you the knife trick again!”
“Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.”
“What did the skeleton say to the bartender? I’ll have a beer and a mop.”
“I could tell my parents hated me. My bathtub toys were a toaster and a radio.”
“My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap. He was in the electric chair.”
“To be honest, It’s been a rough ride Barbara Walters.”
“I think something’s wrong with you car wash!”
“This car is death proof.”
“I live my life, a Quarter mile at a time”
“How can they see me?”
“Holy shit gas is $3.89 a gallon?!?!”
Eternal life used to be fun. Global warming helped ruin that.
If I ever get out of this sun, I’m changing my name to Bishop!
If the cops pull us over.
I’m a muslin with hand me down head dress.
Do I got dirt on my face?
“Prom is gonna be fucking awesome!”
“Lucy! You got some splaining to do!”
“Sorry to disappoint but I’m not Stephen McHattie.”
“Corinthian leather..of course only the best.”
“Mammy, How i love ya How I love ya Mammy.
Hello ladies, Look at your man, now back to me, now look at your man, now back to me. sadly he’s not me.
Oh well, whatever, nevermind
I am the way!
Thanks for picking me up! Now Drop me off at my brothers place, Ed Harley.
I may be synthetic, but I’m not stupid.
Whats your favorite song? Mine is Jessie’s Girl.
“Why would you bring Garlic?”
“Got a message for you from Hell, Your mom says What up.”
“I’m so awesome i high fived myself, and then burst into flames from the awesomeness.”
“I F-ing hate parallel parking!”
“Getting that car horn that plays La Cucaracha, Best idea EVER!”
“Who says you can’t drive with a boot on your tire?!”
“Who is this girl Cyndi Lauper, and why is she SO Unusual?!”
“Sex is a beautiful thing shared between 2 people. Between 5 its fantastic!”
“You’ll meet someone very special. Someone who won’t press charges.”
“You’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen and that’s not saying much for you.”
“Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.”
“I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know.”
“Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.”
“Nobody puts Baby in a corner!”
“To pay the fine would be admitting guilt. We haven’t broken a law. Not one dollar!”
“Back home we got a taxidermy man. He gonna have a heart attack when he see what I brung him.”
“I can see it now. I’m gonna end up back in Brooklyn with a hairless cat. Called Lester.”
Sometimes i read some of these captions and i wonder if they are seeing the same picture i am…hmph
Is the picture you’re looking at one of those with a hidden image? It’s a boat….right?
…Mine has a fisherman, I like fishing, but I’m not a very good fisherman. I always throw the fish back into the water, just put a band-aid on his mouth, tap ‘im on the patootie and let him on his way. And maybe some day, if I’m lucky, I’ll get to catch him again
Lol i think the fish is gonna treat this more like a hostage situation, and try you in a court of fishy law, and exact revenge in a made for tv thriller entitled “Where there’s a Gill, There’s a way”.
What do you mean “Punch Buggy”!?..hit me again , I’ll rip your throat out.
Do I have a match? Yea my ass and your face.
Why is that friggin’ dog keep slammin’ he’s head into my car?
“Fun Fact this is the same car Dale Earnhardt drove.”
“Just got done with spa day!”
At times like this i think WWLD..what would lestat do?
“Can i make a lamp out of your skin? because you brighten up my day.”
PLZ…. Do Not Smoke in My Car
who farted
Wait,we can’t stop here…
This is bat country!
The eighty two’s allways were a bit twichy. I’m a 451 and I think I just blew a fuse.
And this one time, on a road trip, I stuck a roman candle up my ass.
You think your life sucks. Try being a monk with spontaneous combustion disease.
Next Year, I pick where we go on vacation and I say Barrow Alaska for about 30 days.
Didn’t you mother teach you to never pick up hitchhikers.
Now that was a great yard sale! I got this whole outfit for 50 cents.
Look Linda, I know James is a asshole! I mean just look at what I’ve been reduced to.
Roles for next season’s True Blood are today. So are we leaving or not Marge?
This better not be another Bloody-Disgusting caption contest. I hated that pic!
You can stare at me like that all day long! I still find it ironic that the title of the last Pumpkinhead movie was “Ashes to Ashes”.
Names Hooker, Jessie Hooker.
Yes Severen, I believe in reincarnation!
Your gonna pay for this Mae. The “Lawnmower man” should do it.
I’m about to make a ash of myself…
For the one hundreth time….No we are not there yet!
I can to prove I was in the Cival War. For starters, I’m still wearing the fatigues they gave us.
Listen she’s your daughter not mine. So as soon as I find a coffin, your having a long talk with Mae.
Nah, I’m just not in the holiday spirit.
Excuse me, but are you Sarah Conner or not? They sent me to protect you, name’s Jesse!
mad max?
shit, wrong movie set.
oh shit wats on fire oh its me!!!
I’m sexy… and I know it