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The 5 Best (And 1 Worst) Films Of John Carpenter!!!

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I’m a writer/director guy. Meaning, moreso than who starred in any given film, I plan my trip to the theater based on who wrote and/or directed it. When I become invested in someone’s creative output, I’ll often follow their “voice” through all kinds of highs and lows, which means finding things to love in their lesser projects. I understand why the public at large doesn’t have the time or inclination to subscribe to this practice (though many more people seem capable of forging this kind of unbreakable alliance with sports teams), but I honestly think it’s an interesting – and compassionate – way to watch films (or listen to music).

Every career has peaks and valleys. In some careers the valleys are more severe and in others the peaks are more triumphant, but they exist. They’re unavoidable from both creative and commercial standpoints. I think it would be fun to examine this from time to time on BD (even though some of the most exciting voices in horror need another film or two under their belt to qualify), with the amount of “Bests” and “Worsts” varying each time.

First up? John Carpenter. I feel like he’s the perfect starting point. Not only does he have a large output, but he’s had one of the more interesting careers in horror, full of ups and downs (and the occasional creative triumph that he was punished for professionally).

Head inside for the 5 Best (And 1 Worst) Films Of John Carpenter.

1: THE THING

No surprise here, most Carpenter fans I talk to have either this or Halloween at the top of their list. For me, The Thing just has a better replay value. It’s an incredibly assured film, expertly paced with a perfectly dour tonal pitch. Carpenter has made several classics, but none quite as perfectly balanced. It was also his first foray into big-budget (at the time $10M was a lot for a horror film) studio filmmaking. Famously, The Thing tanked at the box office. In an alternate universe where this film was a hit, Carpenter’s post 1982 career-trajectory looks quite a bit different.

2: HALLOWEEN

Halloween has had the biggest cultural impact out of any film in Carpenter’s filmography. Without it, the slasher genre as we know and love it today wouldn’t exist (and if it did, it wouldn’t be the same – there certainly wouldn’t be a Friday The 13th). Aside from its massive popularity, Halloween is another near-perfect film. On only his third feature (after Dark Star and Assault On Precinct 13), Carpenter had mastered a sense of restraint that eludes most horror filmmakers to this day. I’m not just talking about the largely bloodless nature of the film – the decision to simply not explain how or why Michael Myers became evil incarnate is a master stroke. He just is, which is scarier than any cause and effect scenario.

3: BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA

Initially I put Big Trouble In Little China at number four, just under Escape From New York. But, as good as Escape is, I simply don’t reach for my copy of it nearly as much as I reach for this one. China is just too much fun. It feels huge, has a great villain in Lo Pan and is more fun than the last two Indiana Jones films combined. It also plays out a neat reversal on the hero/sidekick dynamic, with Kurt Russell’s Jack Burton being way more ineffectual than Dennis Dun’s Wang Chi despite his leading man status and placement. You can really feel Carpenter spreading his wings here but, much like The Thing, his ambition went unrewarded financially.

4: ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK

Escape From New York gave birth to Carpenter’s most iconic anti-hero in Kurt Russell’s Snake Plissken in addition to an entertainingly menacing and apocalyptic vision of New York City. This film, along with They Live, really hammers home Carpenter’s mistrust of authority and actually feels a bit dangerous at times. It certainly doesn’t play it safe when it comes to its characters.

5: IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS

I know a lot of people would put They Live in this spot but, truth be told, that film only works for me in fits and starts (not that it doesn’t have some brilliant moments). Dark Star and Assault On Precinct 13 might be “cooler” contenders as well, but there’s something relentlessly entertaining about In The Mouth Of Madness. It has a great madcap energy, some genuinely freaky images, a great villain in Jurgen Prochnow’s Sutter Cane and a deliciously unhinged performance by Sam Neill at its center. From opening to closing credits, it’s every bit as alive as some of Carpenter’s more traditionally well regarded works.

The Worst

GHOSTS OF MARS

It’s not like the five movies above are the only great Carpenter films. The tender Starman is surprisingly great and They Live works as an entertaining political statement while The Fog, Christine and Prince Of Darkness are all rock solid horror films.

While Vampires and Escape From L.A. were fairly flawed, they actually have their moments. But I can’t really say the same for Ghosts Of Mars. The red planet might be our closest neighbor, but you’d have to travel light years beyond it to find a universe in which this film actually works.

The Ward is something of an improvement, but I can’t help but agree with the general consensus that Carpenter probably feels discouraged with the film business (and with making movies in general). I can’t say I blame him, he’s made more great films than most “name” directors but has rarely attained anything resembling their commercial success. Here’s hoping he gets back in the saddle and, afforded the opportunity, makes another great film. I know he’s got at least one left in him.

What are your favorite (and least favorite) John Carpenter films?

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‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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