Connect with us

Editorials

Just Hear Those Slay Bells Jingling…

Dashing through some films, I’ll give a quick review a write.
Oh, what will we see? Hope we get a fright.
Some may give a thrill, while some will have a fight.
If it has anything to do with me, we’ll watch Christmas horror that’s done right.

As we enter December, let us have a quick look at a few Christmas themed horror films!

Silent Night, Deadly Night

In 1985, a video store opened down the street from my house. As I’ve stated in reviews before, this exposed me to a large amount of horror films, or more accurately, a large amount of box art. I remember the Silent Night, Deadly Night cover with what I thought was Santa’s arm hanging out of a chimney, holding an ax. Hey, I was a little kid. Years later, when I finally saw this movie, I didn’t understand why the box art had creeped me out so much.

Silent Night, Deadly Night tells the story of a young boy who watches his parents get murdered by a dude in a Santa suit on Christmas. He grows up in an orphanage, has an issue, obviously, with Santa, and ends up on a killing spree. While it isn’t the greatest movie ever, it holds a secret place in my heart. Maybe it’s because I grew up going to Catholic school, and the ending of this film makes me smile a bit. I highly suggest checking it out if you never have seen it.

And All Through The House from the 1972 Tales from the Crypt

I saw this anthology when I was around 10 years old. And it still has some sort of great meaning to me today. It is not to be confused with the 1989 remake of this segment for the television series.

Starring Joan Collins as the ultimate the rich bitch wife, All Through The House encompasses a sick version of Murphy’s Law. Joanne Clayton (Collins) kills her husband with a fireplace poker only to have a psycho dressed as Santa tries to get inside the house. She can’t call the police because they would find out she killed her own husband, and chaos ensues. The entire anthology deserves watching as it includes one of my favorite stories, Blind Alleys

P2

This may get some reaction. Ok, a lot of reaction. I think I am one of the few people on earth that saw this film and didn’t hate it. Ok, yes, the plot is silly and it seems longwinded, but perhaps I watched it from a different standpoint.

Angela is a businesswoman who gets kidnapped by a crazy security guard on Christmas Eve. He keeps her locked in the parking garage and wants to have a lovely holiday with her, but she struggles and ends up having to kill him. If Wes Bentley went through the trouble of kidnapping me, hell, I’d be more than happy to give him an unforgettable Christmas.

Black Christmas

No, not the remake – though it was fun in a campy sort of way. I am talking the original 1974 beauty.

Inspired by the babysitter urban legend of calls coming from inside the house, this classic stars Olivia Hussey, Margot Kidder and even Andrea Martin from SCTV (who also stars in the remake). These poor sorority girls get creepy calls and stalked during a Christmas party. Unlike the remake, this twisted story never truly gives the killer a motive, making it a terrifying and definitive little jewel.

Gremlins

Ahh…Gremlins. How many parents took their children to see this movie not knowing it was half as scary as it was. Well, my parents sure did. I am still terrified of cold fried chicken and motorized chair lifts on stairs.

Billy’s inventor dad wants to get his son the ultimate gift in China Town. When the local shopkeeper will not sell the mysterious Mogwai, Randell does what he has to get it. Unfortunately, the pet comes with some rules, like don’t feed it after midnight, don’t expose it to bright light, don’t get it wet – you know, all the rules you know will be broken. Once wet, this cute little button of a creature shoots multiple furballs off its back, which, once they eat after midnight, turn into disgusting pods that then sprout some nasty green creatures who just want to, well, ruin Christmas.

Gremlins also has the most odd monologue ever, performed by Phoebe Cates.

If you haven’t seen Gremlins – there is something severely wrong with you and you need to run now and somehow obtain a copy and watch.

Rare Exports

I had the pleasure of seeing this movie last year when Danny and I discussed it on Double Murder. It is a beautiful little film with a great big ending full of gasps and cheers. It should be on everyone’s Christmas watch list!

A group of local reindeer herders start finding their sole income dead when excavations of the mountain nearby are underway. Some call it a burial mound, some a sacred grave. Either way, as the reindeer show up dead, children also start disappearing. Perhaps what is residing in the mountain is Santa Claus – and not the Coca Cola kind. The original mean guy who definitely knows if you’ve been bad or good. When Pietari’s family finds whom they think is responsible, they slowly discover they’ve actually just opened a can of worms. A big can.

Don’t fear the inevitable slay, don’t make a sound, not a whistle,
Otherwise the killer may cut you down to the gristle.
Grab your nog and your blanket and watch one of these films tonight,
Merry Christmas from me and to all a good fright!



AROUND THE WEB


COMMENTS

30 Comments

More in Editorials