Did you hear? Metro: Last Light is out right now. If you’re not in your fallout bunker yet, it’s too late. I’d say you have just about the perfect amount of time to watch this launch trailer before you’re vaporized like that scene in Terminator 2 when the bombs drop and faces start melting. The good news is, the time it takes for a face to melt varies from person to person, so you might have enough life left in you to read my review.
I’d go on, but the Bloody Disgusting fallout shelter feels a little warm — I think TJ messed with the thermometer again — and I refuse to listen to the screams of my fellow man as each and every one of you gets turned into smoldering, crispy husks in a room that isn’t at exactly 70 degrees.
Metro: Last Light is available now on the PS3, PC and Xbox 360.