10 Classic Horror Movies That Suck (According To The Internet)!!!

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Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with them. While it’s impossible to objectively state that someone is wrong about their hatred (or passion for) a film, some folks come pretty close to proving that axiom wrong.

I decided to spend some time on IMDB looking at what people had to say about films like The Exorcist, Jaws, The Shining, Gremlins, and Psycho and it’s pretty hilarious when you come across someone who HATES a movie most of us regard as a classic. Even if something like Jaws isn’t your favorite movie, you have to admit that it’s at least halfway decent, right?

So head below for some reviews that boldly fly in the face of conventional wisdom! I applaud them all for their originality!
Click to ENLARGE!

PSYCHO

Everyone looks like they are wearing the same clothes because the whole thing is in black and white…” and “all the blood is white” ~ because of old people.

THE SHINING

Somehow a black man enters the hotel…” ~ Aside from being racist, did this person watch the beginning of the movie?

SCREAM

This guy complains about the ending yet goes on to praise Scream 2 of all things? And what “professional actors” is he talking about?

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1974)

I dunno, this sounds like the best bus ride ever. Hope they didn’t beat this kid too badly.

HALLOWEEN

The villain is not shown as someone unstoppable” ~ well, they DON’T stop him actually. So yeah, he is. Actually Freddy and Jason are “stopped” in pretty much all of their movies, Myers is the one who keeps on going.

THE EXORCIST

Women. Doctors. Priests. Not scary.

JAWS

2 for one! I think I have to go with the guy up top because he seems to be attempting to make the case that Deep Blue Sea is somehow more realistic.

AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON

Complaining about this movie’s effects work isn’t the best angle from which to make one’s attack.

THE THING

Watch ‘The Great Escape’, this will explain how long it takes to move dirt.

GREMLINS

Ok, so this one is a joke. But it’s one of the best damn fake reviews I’ve ever read.

 
  • WalkWithMeInDarkness

    All of these movies are good. Some are favorites of mine (Halloween, Scream). Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but most people on IMDB come off like total fucking trolls who spit at classic movies just to set themselves apart. It’s the same way with modern films, a lot of people hate Paranormal Activity and Twilight just because they’re popular (I don’t, I truly hate them because I think they’re bad films). I respect the opinions of others, but I’ll never hesitate to completely disagree and defend the honor of horror films (or any kind of film) I love.

    • EvanDickson

      Oh totally. I LOVE all of these movies, these reviews are just hilarious!

    • Palkotaz

      Are all people really entitled to an opinion? Really?….Really? You read the above and still believe that? Just saying.

      • WalkWithMeInDarkness

        Yes, they are. Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one. And in this case, it’s my opinion that the people who wrote those reviews ARE assholes. But they have freedom of speech and the right to voice their opinions, not matter how dumb I may think said opinions are. In a perfect world, these trolls would stay under the bridge where they belong, but until then, we can keep enjoying good films while they waste their lives talking shit on the internet.

        • WalkWithMeInDarkness

          Sorry, I meant NO matter.

  • Canucklehead

    The internet? Pffffft, is that thing still around?

  • kevnk

    WOW..just WOW. i love all those films, Psycho and American Werwolf are in my top 5 movies ever.. that why i don’t go to the forums on imdb anymore. rather then finding like minded people to talk about movies with, i find that most of whats on there is just trolls and people who cant help but hate on things and usually have the attention span of a goldfish. (I know what you did last summer, better then Psycho..really?..had to be written by a 14 year old girl). and how about the transformation scene in American Werewolf in London, it still holds up and hasn’t been dethroned (imo)as the best werewolf transformation in a movie. and i always loved jakes decomposing looks as the movie goes on. and its all practical!!

    • wildgator25

      Best transformation to wolf is AWiL?? That honor goes to Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf sir!

      :)

      • Shagatron

        I haven’t seen American Werewolf yet, but have you seen the transformation in Trick ‘r Treat? Ho-lee shit.

        • kevnk

          i gotta say i really did dig that one too. sweet dreams playing over it was kinda a perfect tone too.

      • kevnk

        well..when your right, your right!

  • CaptainHowdee

    Those reviews caused me to lose a few IQ points.

  • brianunfried

    More proof that the movie “Idiocracy” is coming true.

  • megamelfina

    The scariest part is that some people actually found these reviews “helpful”.

    • Mayday

      Indeed.

  • EvilHead1981

    The majority, if not all, are idiotic, but are opinions. Opinions can be dumb. The only one that really “disturbs” me is the one for Psycho. That’s straight up “youth/modern pride” ignorance right there. People like that need to be purged from this world, sever their genetic lines so they don’t produce a generational stream of likewise idiots.

    • divisionbell

      I have to admit that when I read about how dumb Hitchcock was for making it black and white I nearly wet my pants…and my brain hurt a little…

  • HostelTakeover

    *Sniff sniff* You smell that?? It’s troll shit. *flush*

  • ThunderDragoon

    This is why I can’t read reviews. I get pissed off lol. Especially when I really love a movie and somebody comes along and says it’s a terrible movie and I should feel bad for liking it. Yeah… that’s why I tend to avoid message boards or talking about a movie I love to people.

  • Sick_skwerl

    That Gremlins review is easiest the funniest thing I’ve seen all week.

  • Skull-And-Crossbones

    i just died a little on the inside

  • Shagatron

    But The Exorcist is awful!

  • evilfairydust

    Women. Doctors. Priests. Not scary. HILARIOUS!

  • Ghoulstille

    Idiots are usually the most opinionated.

  • MissUsagi

    Wow…I want to know what idiots wrote these reviews and slap them.

  • kaido

    I’ve never been a fan of any of the Halloween films to be honest…

  • mobstar67

    these reviews probably come from todays teenagers maybe 14-19 with zero atttention span…..
    Jaws.!! bad acting and needing to be a little more like Deep Blue See is probably the most disturbibg comments ive ever heard…Jesus Christ how twisted up they are

  • djblack1313

    i admit i’m a frequent IMDB forum (depending on the show/movie/actress/etc) user and even though i enjoy discussing things with people on that site, it’s also a magnet for some of the most hateful, negative people ever. why go on a board for a show/movie just to troll/spew venom at said show/movie as well as anyone who likes the show/movie. happens constantly. some of these “reviews” seem like overt troll-isms but i’m not sure.

    they are funny to read because i couldn’t agree any less with them. these movies listed in this article are amazing!

    • djblack1313

      p.s.

      for the record (as you guys know) there’s a huge difference between the trolls/tools who are just all about tearing anything down and just want to anger people and those who may have critiques/dislikes about a show or movie/etc.

      for example, i’ve loved DEXTER’s seasons 1-5 but the show has gotten so bad it’s disheartening. so sometimes venting (on a site like the Dexter board on IMDB) isn’t about trolling. lol. just sayin’.

      • kevnk

        yea, i think ive seen you on imdb djblack. seriously that place is a cesspool for those types of people.i agree with ya about legit criticism, but some of the stuff i read on there, i sit there and wonder what would compel some of those people to think some of that stuff, let alone type it out and spew it into the world.

        • djblack1313

          kevnk, i couldn’t agree more. it’s taken me a while to acquire the patience to deal with the trolls on this site. lol.

          but i have to add that there are some wonderful, kind, incredible folks there too. i’m a RES EVIL (movie) IMDB board regular (since EXTINCTION) and there’s about 25 of us who have become a sort of RES EVIL “family” if you will. some of the nicest people i’ve ever talked to.

          when i lost my mom & little brother to cancer (2 months apart) a year and a half ago, the RE “family” was so kind and supportive and really made a decimating time a little less horrible. it showed me that people online and in the world still can be kind/loving/wonderful. on IMDB that’s a rare thing.

          i challenge anyone to go the IMDB’s THE WALKING DEAD board and even try to discuss anything about the show. you will get attacked by board trolls (they are many). it’s the worst, most caustic forum board i’ve ever come across. it’s really sad and these “reviews” in this article above remind me of what you’d find on TWD board (but that board gets NASTY times a million). lol

          • djblack1313

            OOPS! when i said,

            “it’s taken me a while to acquire the patience to deal with the trolls on this site”,

            i meant on IMDB not Bloody-disgusting! LOL

  • Skratchy

    These are almost ALL obviously written by 10 year olds that either have cell phones of their own, which is scary in it of itself, or they borrowed mommy’s iPad.

    Deep Blue Sea? Better than Jaws? Are you insane, child? Absolutely insane?!

  • joe31183

    Perfect evidence of a failing education system. The lack of competent reasoning is disturbing. And other people actually found that crap “helpful.”

  • DBZEROGRAVITY

    wow, how sad the viewing audience have gotten. can the new generation really not sit down and just enjoy a movie? no wonder studios keep putting out shit films jam-packed with zero plot, too-fast-to-see action and sparkly “monsters”. if you’re taking advice from these people on movies i pity you

  • sj123

    Scream and The Exorcist are the only movies that are okey. The rest just sucks. It just looks terrible! Too old, and nothing really made back then was scary.

  • j.c

    It has been said that if you give 500 monkeys typewriters, in a thousand years they will eventually type Shakespeare. Fortunately for us, the internet has come along to prove that old saying wrong.

  • BWAShotgun

    Idiots. All of these are good and there is my favorite horror movie, too – The Shining.

  • Fredchnris

    All are good. But Evil Dead is a still great horror movie of all times.

  • VictorCrowley

    I actually thought Scream 2 was quite good. 3 was the one that disappointed me.