One of the big reasons I’m a huge fan of horror is the grim, dark, distressed atmosphere that many of the films exude. From haunted houses to mind bending labyrinths, gothic castles to torture dens, spaceships to dark forests, horror has some of the most unique and interesting locations within films.
But sometimes the depressive atmosphere can end up being a bit much and bring me down. And who better to brighten my day and the mood of the scene than America’s talk show host and convicted inside trader Martha Stewart to come and tidy things up a bit! Head on down to see 10 Horror Locations That Could Use Martha Stewart’s Touch!!!
Note: This list was inspired by Zach Shildwachter.
The Cabin (Evil Dead)
No matter which incarnation of the film we look at (the 1981 original, the 1987 sequel, or the 2013 remake), the cabin has always needed a bit of love in terms of the decoration. The basement, in particular, could use some serious attention. I’m thinking a little vegetable garden outside, a small pond with some koi, and perhaps a nice bookshelf for the fantastic literature found within would really bring things together!
The Puritan’s Compound (Clive Barker’s Lord Of Illusions)
For as magical and mysterious as Nix may be, he is truly awful at the upkeep of his compound. I mean, he has nearly 20 cultists that all live together and apparently they are all AWFUL at making sure they take care of their weekly chores. Does no one have a vacuum or a paintbrush? Martha would come in and, at the very least, make sure the wiring was put away and the walls were mudded, sanded, and painted. People could get a splinter, don’t ya know?
112 Ocean Avenue (The Amityville Horror)
When your house is doing everything it can to get you to leave or commit some murders, would it really hurt to at least have a few pleasant curtains or perhaps a few nice paintings? A couple of vases with some flowers and some potpourri would also freshen the air up a bit and maybe even get rid of some of those flies.
The Boiler Room (A Nightmare On Elm Street)
There isn’t really that much one can do with a boiler room but that doesn’t mean good ole’ Martha Stewart won’t figure out something! A fresh pastel paint job on the walls, a throw rug or two, and a few air fresheners would really tie the room together! I’d like to think that anyone having a Freddy nightmare would feel quite comfortable up until they’ve got four razor fingers exposing their innards. Maybe the gore will match the paint?
The Nostromo (Alien)
I never understood why spaceships have to be so cold and bleak. If people are going to live on these ships for months at a time, don’t you think a somewhat more pleasant environment would be nice? At the very least, it’d definitely make it much harder for the alien to camouflage itself amongst chains, pipes, tunnels, etc…
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