The Return of Swamp Thing came out in 1989 to capitalize off the minimal success brought on by Wes Craven’s first adaptation in 1982. Both were terribly inept interpretations of the character that came to define the cheese typically found in comic book movies of the era. While the first Swamp Thing was truly a horrible sight to behold, nothing, and I mean nothing will prepare you for the insanity of his return. In the film, Dick Durock, who would later be known for his role as Man at Subway Station in Die Hard with a Vengeance, plays Swampy. The young Heather Locklear stars as Abby Arcane. Her love for Swamp Thing is something eternal. Something everlasting, so naturally the scene in which Abby is finally ready to receive his mossy member should be as beautiful as it is otherworldly. I mean Alan Moore set the standard just a few years previous, so what could go wrong? Apparently a lot.
I almost wish I had written and directed this thing. Something about the erotic but sweet score accompanied with the heart wrenching dialogue really gets to me. It speaks volumes about the character, and gives us a unique insight into Swamp Thing’s messy home and bachelor lifestyle. I can’t say anymore, you just need to see what might be the most erotic and horrifying sex scene ever filmed.
The above is Alan Moore’s version of what it’s like to sex the Swamp Thing. Pretty much the exact same thing, right?