Worried the US government isn’t taking the undead menace seriously? Fear not, because it looks like they’ve weighed their options and have come prepared with a complex system that will almost definitely save us all. I’m also prepared, I just don’t have a codename for my plan, which largely consists of me sitting on the roof of the tallest nearby building with a couple bags of Cheetos so I can watch the world burn.
Their plan is called CONPLAN 8888, and looking over its sentences-long scheme for saving humanity — or at the very least, the politicians and wealthy folks who matter — it doesn’t sound terribly clever.
The strategy, known as “CONPLAN 8888,” is an unclassified document that lays out how the military would best respond to a potential zombie apocalypse. The plan’s overall purpose is for the military to undertake operations to “preserve ‘non-zombie’ humans from the threats posed by a zombie horde.”
CONPLAN 8888 follows a three-step approach to ensuring these goals by 1) maintaining a defensive perimeter to protect human life; 2) conducting operations that will eradicate zombie threats; and 3) aiding civil authorities in restoring law and order.
See how serious they’re taking the ever-looming threat of a zombie apocalypse? Someone at the Pentagon’s Defense Department took minutes out of their day to think up that strategy, and when the dead begin to rise it will be swiftly enforced and likely save 2′s and 3′s of people. Then those folks can thank the intern that carved three minutes out of his or her lunch break to compose it.
Okay, no, the Pentagon doesn’t believe something like this will ever happen.
CONPLAN 8888 is merely a training tool for aspiring military strategists. The zombie scenario was chosen because it’s safely based in fiction and wouldn’t cause any issues if it were leaked, whereas a plan codenamed Russia, for example, could potentially cause problems if leaked.