It’s been over a decade since Resident Evil made its transition to the silver screen, kicking off a bombastic new story and timeline that traded the cast of the games for femme fatale Alice (Milla Jovovich) and her mission to enlist as many alternate timeline versions of the characters many of us had grown up playing as over the years to take down her former employers-turned-Saturday-morning-cartoon-villains.

Despite their wildly inconsistent quality and a tenuous relation to the story arc of the games, each film managed to beat the record made by its predecessor until that trend was ruined in 2012 by Retribution.

Taking into account how much money each individual film makes, I’d say the series is roughly half a sequel’s earnings short of reaching a billion dollars in box office earnings. Including the two CGI films would likely be enough to for to say that milestone has been reached. So while people like me may not be happy, money is louder than even the most desperate cries from upset fans, and the dollars say they’re doing something right.

This winning formula isn’t an unobtainable thing. It doesn’t require a deep well of knowledge of the inner workings of the movie industry or a film critic’s eye to comprehend. Resident Evil makes money because it hides its poorly realized characters and thin story with as much gore, guns and girls that it can get away with.

Milla Jovovich has stripped down in almost every one of these films. The only time you’ll find her character without a weapon is when the screenwriter has decided to shoehorn a nude scene into the story. There’s a reason for that.

Because of the monumental success the series has accrued over each theatrical run, I wasn’t surprised when Constantin Films announced their plans to bring us a Resident Evil TV series. Not surprised, but certainly worried.

I have largely enjoyed the time I’ve spent with Paul W.S. Anderson’s vision of Resident Evil. That’s not sarcasm either. I genuinely have enjoyed the earlier films, and younger Adam would be able to attest to that fact if he wasn’t busy watching the first Resident Evil for the hundredth time (I wish I was exaggerating).

Anderson has a Michael Bay-esque eye for stylish displays of action and violence on a screen, and that style has an undeniable appeal. I only wish it hadn’t overcome what little substance the films originally had.

If you’re wondering why I waited over a week to share my thoughts on the TV show, my source of my hesitation is whether or not there’s a point in it. The box office numbers point at a still very healthy film franchise that could probably spawn a successful TV series so long as it stuck with the three G’s I mentioned earlier. Coming up with a dramatically different way to approach to the TV series could make it better, but there’s a good chance that anyone with creative input on this project is too busy searching for a money vault the size of Scrooge McDuck’s to bother listening.

We’ve spent just under a billion dollars to see choreographed fight scenes, attractive women shooting guns and attractive women kicking zombies in the face when their guns run out of bullets, so there’s little incentive for anyone to try and be clever with it this time around.

The thing that finally helped me decide to write this is the chance, however small it may be, that starting a discussion like this could mean no more of this.

As much as I liked seeing it when I punched dudes in the latest Mortal Kombat,

Did anyone else find it awkward when during a showdown near the end of Resident Evil: Retribution it seemed to forget that it was a movie? Less of that would be nice.

Let’s say the direction the TV series takes is still undecided and that the decision-making folks at Constantin Films are willing to consider making something that’s worthy of the legacy of the games. For this endeavor to be successful, we’ll need to forget everything that’s been established in the movies.

Have you forgotten it yet? Good. On to step two.

Now that we have a clean slate, we can take a look at what’s brought the competition success. In the budding genre of zombie-themed television, AMC’s The Walking Dead reigns supreme. If Capcom can use AMC’s hit series as inspiration for Resident Evil: Revelations 2, it makes sense that the makers of a Resident Evil series would do the same.

There are a number of factors at play here, but I’m sure that no insignificant portion of AMC’s success with adapting The Walking Dead for television lies with their decision to stick with the comic’s focus on characters and human drama rather than focusing too heavily on the zombie apocalypse that surrounds them.

Zombies are fun, but living people are something we can all relate to. The fact that my grandparents are willing to set aside their distaste for gore because they love the characters in The Walking Dead is proof enough that this works. As important as it is to entertain people like me who genuinely think a zombie apocalypse would be cool, it’s not enough to keep the interest of those who know better.

Thankfully, Capcom has done most of the work already. There’s already a strong cast of varied and (mostly) likeable characters, including Jill Valentine, Chris and Claire Redfield, Leon Kennedy and Ada Wong, many of which have had nearly two decades to become interesting, fleshed out fictional people. It’d be a waste not to use them.

It’s worth mentioning that before a cast can be gathered that’s strong enough to carry the story when the screen isn’t crowded by explosions or bullets whizzing by surprised faces in slow-mo, we really do need to forget about the movies. They just did so much wrong.

The films tried to weave familiar faces from the games into the reimagined story arc, but failed miserably almost every time. After a strong start with the addition of fan favorite Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory) in Resident Evil: Apocalypse, that momentum didn’t keep.

Ali Larter is a perfectly adequate actress, but a Claire Redfield she is not. The same goes for her brother, whom they added briefly to the supporting cast in Afterlife. Wentworth Miller made a valiant effort in channeling Chris Redfield, perhaps the brawniest and most sentimental character in the games, but his version didn’t possess enough of either to be effective.

I mean, come on.

I could go on about how I’m positive the casting director fell asleep when they chose the actors who would portray Albert Wesker (both versions), but I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop sharing my overwhelmingly negative feelings regarding the casting in Retribution once I get started. I’m honestly still a little raw about it.

Ah, fuck it. I’ll just have to make this quick.

Seeing as he wrote it, I imagine it was Anderson’s awful decision to turn Leon Kennedy and Barry Wheeler — the former being one of gaming’s most recognizable characters and the latter one of its most underrated — into throwaway characters with roles that had about as much of an impact on the story as Zombies #16 and #23.

What makes this even more frustrating is I like Kevin Durand. He could’ve done a fine job, if he had only been given the chance. I wouldn’t say I’m at all bitter about not seeing more Johann Urb in the film, but it might take me awhile yet to get over their mistreatment of poor, underappreciated Barry.

As I’m sure you’ve noticed already, zombies are big right now. This means Resident Evil has immediate potential for success for the simple fact that there’s a lot of people in this world who will recognize it, even if they haven’t seen the films or played the games. However, there’s going to be a significant amount of new competition in the near future between The Walking Dead and the horde of similarly themed shows that are looking to follow it, so differentiating this from everything else will require some effort.

One way this can be done is through a little more borrowing from the games — and not at all in the same way the movies have with the creatures they haphazardly stole from Resident Evil 5. Personally, if I’m in the mood to see zombies eating faces with their wet and gooey mouth tentacles, I’ll watch The Strain. The same goes for anyone looking to get their zombie fix. They’ll almost definitely turn to The Walking Dead for that.

This is where the games come in. The classic Romero zombies should be the main threat, so that means no borrowing from the Ganados, Majini, etc. from recent Resident Evil games. When the time comes to spice things up, just borrow from the pool of lab-made BOWs from the games and use them to keep things unpredictable. I’d start with Nemesis, but it may be best to save something like him for season two. The less well-known but no less memorable tier of baddies (Tyrants, Lickers) may be the best place to start.

Consider these ancillary antagonists a safety net that catches the waning interest of any viewers who require a timely dose of on-screen violence and mayhem before something shiny catches their eye and they forget what it was they were watching. A strategic appearance from one of Umbrella’s living weapons should draw these viewers right back in, so long as there’s a competent cast of characters to carry the quiet moments.

As if this plan didn’t already sound totally doable, it gets the job done while keeping the budget down. That keeps the people with the money happy and it means less confusion for the viewers when they see a 10-foot tall axe-wielding man stomp onto the screen wearing a bag over his head that seems to have been applied with comically large spikes.

Even Resident Evil 5 didn’t bother trying to explain away that one.

The Axeman is an easy example to use, there are plenty more nonsensical creatures the games have introduced over the years that look cool, but make absolutely no sense whatsoever in the context of the game. These monsters tend to make even less sense after they’ve been written in by a screenwriter who could never love or understand the games as much as the fans do, and certainly not enough to come up with a reason for why they’ve been allowed to exist.

While I think this is more than enough to build a foundation for a television adaptation that’s actually worthy of being an extension of one of gaming’s most influential franchises, I’d like to add one more thing.

Please keep the scope small.

Every episode is going to have a fraction of the budget the films do, and if an episode is 2/3 the length of a $50 million film but has a $1 million budget, things will need to be a lot more intimate. I wish this was common knowledge, but I still see new TV shows with ambitions that exceed their limitations, so it clearly hasn’t caught on yet.

CGI heavy shows and television don’t often produce the best results, so keeping this series as grounded as possible in gritty realism, human drama and biological terror will be far more effective than spending money on realistic face tentacles.

It’s a small thing, but I thought it worth mentioning.

That’s it. I’m out of opinions. Well, maybe not out of them, but I have diminished most of my reserves. Now it’s your turn to let me know how much you agree or disagree with everything I just wrote, but first, would you kindly answer this poll?