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Black Friday Chopping List: Movies/Toys/Shirts

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It’s that time of year when people line up outside of department stores to maul each other while the poor bastards working in retail wish they were home with their families. Tis the season for Black motherfucking Friday.

My biggest conundrum is that while I loathe the barrage of sales-happy lunatics this time of year, I also love spending dough. Especially on myself (c’mon, we’re all friends here, let’s be honest). Luckily there’s plenty of sweet online deals this Black Friday weekend to satisfy the most rabid horror fans. So if you’ve been holding out on that pricey Blu-ray box set, action figure, or shirt, bust out the plastic and tear it up. Then when you click that “Place Order” button, sit back and relax while all those suckers inside Best Buy trample one another.

MOVIES

Black Friday happens to coincide this year with a Barnes & Noble 50% Criterion Collection sale. While this earth-shattering event happens like three times a year, it’s still cool to be reminded of all the wicked horror flicks Criterion has put out that can be picked up for 50% off (so it’s like the normal price of Blu-ray). If you haven’t yet, pick up their pristine releases of The UninvitedThe InnocentsHouseEyes Without a Face, and slew of other great horror movies.

For Black Friday, Amazon’s dropped the price on a boat load of horror box sets, including The Twilight Zone complete series (over 70% off!), the Universal Monsters set (half off!), the highly underrated Thriller: The Series, the 40th anniversary Blu of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and the Alfred Hitchcock Masterpiece Collection (over half off!).

Amazon has also seriously dropped the prices on some must-own flicks like Jaws, the undisputed Hepburn horror classic Wait Until Dark, and The Haunting (one of my all time favorites).

Check out all of Amazon’s horror deals here! There’s a lot of season Blu-rays on sale for shows like True BloodHannibal, American Horror Story, and more.

TOYS

Entertainment Earth has been holding daily deals leading up to Black Friday, with a “doorbuster deal” promised the day of. As I’m writing this a few days early, I have no clue what door this deal will be busting, but sniff around their website Friday to find out. They are gonna be throwing down sales ALL weekend, through the first week of December, so keep watch! They sell a lot of silly shit on that site, but hopefully they’ll have deals on the painfully awesome Reaction figures line.

For our high net worth readers, Gentle Giant is holding a 30% off sale through Sunday, Nov. 30th. If you’ve been waiting for a sweet deal on a Daryl Dixon mini-bust, this is your moment!

A bunch of Walking Dead and other McFarlane toys are on sale for Black Friday over at Amazon (yes, I’m an Amazon whore).

SHIRTS

Fright Rags is throwing down a Black Friday sale, though at the time of writing this their site is down while they update their inventory. I always kick myself for missing out on their stuff, maybe Friday night I should get my shit together.

For the season, they’re releasing some AMAZING Christmas shirts like “Clark’s Revenge” (a Christmas Vacation Friday the 13th mash-up, “A Christmas Gory” (Ralphie from A Christmas Story on the hunt), and Abominable Snow Massacre” (takedown of the classic Rankin/Bass stop-motion classics). Fright Rags’ gear is wicked limited so ACT FAST!

Patrick writes stuff about stuff for Bloody and Collider. His fiction has appeared in ThugLit, Shotgun Honey, Flash Fiction Magazine, and your mother's will. He'll have a ginger ale, thanks.

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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