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‘Friday the 13th: The Game’ Never Misses a Cardio Day

I’ve long been curious as to how Jason managed to catch up to his prey when his chasing game seemed so underdeveloped and his prey — is it weird that I’m calling people that? — consisted almost exclusively of young, healthy folks who were literally running for their life. Was the reason grounded in reality, or was it something mystical? He might’ve possessed an extensive knowledge of short-cuts, or maybe he folded the forest so point A, Jason, and point B, the chasee, could coexist in the same space and time, then he’d just give them a poke and walk away.

Neither, apparently. It had everything to do with stamina, says Friday the 13th: The Game. Jason wasn’t using wormholes, and that chee chee chee, ah ah ah sound was actually a strange noise he makes when he laughs because that’s to be expected from someone who’s trying to hide their nightmare of a face behind a sheet of fiberglass with holes poked in it.

That’s right, Jason has a weird laugh and we’re all one missed cardio day away from being bisected lengthwise in a forest. Thanks, game. Friday the 13th isn’t even out yet and it’s already claimed its first victim. My dreams. Enjoy your damn videos.

Friday the 13th: The Game releases this fall for PC, PS4 and Xbox One.

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