Connect with us

Editorials

‘Doom’ Review: Gorehound Gumbo

Published

on

After a twelve year hiatus, the Doom we know and love has returned, and it’s even learned some new tricks since we last saw it. Developer id Software had to overcome numerous obstacles over its troubled development, even going so far as to start from scratch back in 2011 when the team realized it “lacked a soul,” and the result is a bloody good time.

Referring to a video game’s soul seems a bit silly. I sometimes refer to it as the “core”, a central idea or mechanic that much, if not all, of the rest of the game revolves around — but when Bethesda broke the news that its pre-2011 iteration lacked a spirit, and that it “didn’t have the passion and soul of what an id game is,” the meaning is clear. It just didn’t feel like a Doom game.

The “soul” of a video game is the foundation for everything else, and for Doom, it’s about the flow of the combat. Its the fast pacing and fluid movement that transforms every battle into a bloody ballet that doesn’t stop until the last man, woman or demon is left standing atop a sea of mangled corpses and spent shells. You either run out of enemies or you’re overcome by them.

Doom doesn’t set aside any time for you to reload, take cover or find another weapon, and thanks to the addition of Glory Kills, even wounds can be mended without ever having to pause.

Glory Kills are brutal executions that double as a tremendously satisfying way of finishing a staggered foe without breaking up the purposeful flow of the combat. When an enemy takes enough damage they become temporarily incapacitated, leaving their supple demon bodies vulnerable to all sorts of terrible things, like a finishing move that effectively transforms them into a living piñata filled with health, ammunition, or even armor, when you have the required perk.

This is what separates Doom from just about every other game in the genre it created, the exception being the handful of other 90s era shooters we still occasionally hear from today, such as Wolfenstein or Unreal Tournament. There’s no pesky stamina meter you need to monitor either, so you never have to take a break from the gory fun so your character can catch his breath.

There’s more to these games than the frantic combat that makes them so addictive, but that’s a crucial part of it. It’s also one of the many areas where this reboot truly succeeds in modernizing the gameplay without sacrificing any of the many different things that form the Doom experience. This is the most impressive, and respectful series reboot I’ve played since the 2003 Resident Evil remake for the GameCube.

DoomRev_A2

The world is there, in all its dusty glory. Villains assume their roles with the requisite amount of malevolence, their philosophical musings, agendas and general dialogue marinated in just enough sinister intent so as to make them easily identifiable as big ole meanies. They’re the co-narrators of this tale of renewable energy and demon genocide because they have to be. Maybe our marine will follow in the Master Chief’s footsteps and gradually learn to speak like a human being, but I doubt it. That’s not what Doom is about.

Even the Union Aerospace Corporation, which owns and operates the Mars facility on which much of the game is set, hasn’t let up on their maniacally dickish pursuits of Hellscience, nor have they found a way to contain the shit when it inevitably hits the fan. It seems as if they’re struggling to graduate from Shit Containment 101, alongside most other evil video game corporations.

The story and dialogue are mercifully thin, their sole purpose to quickly provide you with enough substance and motivation to mull over as you venture to Mars to Hell and back. Neither are ever bad, but they’re also never really all that good. That’s par for the course with this series, which has always treated both as a checkmark in a box on a list of things modern video games need to have.

So in that case: does Doom have a story and dialogue? Check.

Before it was thrown out, pre-2011 Doom was much less linear than the first two games, which weren’t completely linear themselves. The openness of their design has always been part of the appeal of this series, as it allows players to explore freely, without nagging reminders from NPCs, tooltips, beacons, blips, and the like whose job is to annoy you into quickly closing the distance between you and your objective.

Pre-2011 Doom sounded like it was more or less an open-world game, and though the game we got doesn’t go quite as far as its creators originally intended, it is considerably more open in its expansive level design than any of its predecessors.

The game basically recaps your accomplishments at the end of each chapter — total kills, upgrades procured, hidden collectibles discovered — so you’ll want to explore all of it, if only to make sure you’re properly geared up for the final showdown.

The arsenal is traditional for these games, and it does a fine job in covering all your bases. The shotgun, super shotgun (sawed-off) and chainsaw are swell at carving demons from within their personal bubbles, and the chainsaw even showers you with gore and ammo, should you find yourself in need of the latter. The heavy assault rifle, plasma rifle, and pistol are more adept at long-range combat, then there’s the chaingun, gauss cannon and rocket launcher, which you might want to save for bigger foes.

Plus, most of the weapons have two mods that equip them with secondary abilities, like the shotgun’s burst fire mode, the assault rifle’s micro-missiles, or the rocket launcher’s homing capabilities.

Self-improvement isn’t limited to your arsenal, your Praetor Suit can also be upgraded using tokens that buffer your resistance to environmental hazards, boost your agility, and enhance the efficacy of power-ups, among other improvements. There are also small glass Sauron Eyes you can break to release their unholy essence, granting you a permanent boost to your base health, armor or ammo capacity.

DoomRev_A3

The Runes make up the final piece of this self-improvement puzzle, though getting them may prove to be a challenge as you’ll have to find the hidden portal that takes you to an isolated area where you must conquer a trial. Each trial comes with specific objectives that must be completed before the time runs out, with the reward being a Rune that enhances your marine’s equipment (grenades), his penchant for Glory Kills, etc. No more than three can be equipped, and if you can get it, you’ll want one of them to be the Rune that gives you one extra life. That would’ve saved me some frustration, not that I ever die.

There’s multiplayer too! You might’ve seen one of the many multiplayer-centric trailers I’ve shared here over the last few months that break down its maps, modes, power-ups, and customization features. I’ve never loved the arena-based combat, but I have played enough to say it’s decidedly Doom in flavor.

The Doom multiplayer is designed for a very specific audience to which I do not belong. I’m awful at it. I’m too slow to react to an enemy’s presence, and I’m far too easily distracted by shiny objects. I can’t be sure, but I think my armor actually attracts more bullets to my tender flesh. With that said, it’s still enormously amusing in small, bite-sized portions. If you’re a fan of the multiplayer offerings in the first two games, you’ll probably like what id has done to update it.

The verticality of the level design really stood out to me. Opponents can come from anywhere, and based on my experience, an awareness of one’s surroundings, and specifically what’s above you, is often just as important to one’s survival as anything else.

Classic Doom multiplayer with a modern twist is one-half of id Software’s strategy for fostering an active community around this game, and it’s joined by the new SnapMap modding utility. For the uninitiated, SnapMap is a level editor that allows the curious and/or the creative to come up with their own creations, similar to the Forge Bungie introduced with Halo 3, or Steam Workshop, if you’re a PC gamer.

It’s powerful and more than capable of realizing the imaginations of those who think about more than which structure(s) look the most like the head of a penis, yet it appears easy enough to use for those who do think about that sort of thing. I imagine SnapMap will be the feature that keeps Doom interesting long after the season pass has finished inflating the multiplayer, so I’m eager to see if it catches on with modders.

I’m relieved and more than a little giddy to be able to say that Doom has returned in all its gory glory. It’s made up for the solid, if somewhat bland and predictable experience that was Doom 3, and I think it’s new enough to entice newcomers while staying familiar enough to keep from upsetting Doom vets. Whichever group you belong to, I absolutely recommend you check it out.

The Final Word: id Software has successfully reinvented the classic Doom experience for a modern audience without actually having to reinvent anything. It’s not a reboot, it’s a revival. If you’ve ever wondered what Doom might look like in 2016, this is it.

BDREV_DOOM

BD2016_YTBD2016_ST

Gamer, writer, terrible dancer, longtime toast enthusiast. Legend has it Adam was born with a controller in one hand and the Kraken's left eye in the other. Legends are often wrong.

Editorials

‘Amityville Karen’ Is a Weak Update on ‘Serial Mom’ [Amityville IP]

Published

on

Amityville Karen horror

Twice a month Joe Lipsett will dissect a new Amityville Horror film to explore how the “franchise” has evolved in increasingly ludicrous directions. This is “The Amityville IP.”

A bizarre recurring issue with the Amityville “franchise” is that the films tend to be needlessly complicated. Back in the day, the first sequels moved away from the original film’s religious-themed haunted house storyline in favor of streamlined, easily digestible concepts such as “haunted lamp” or “haunted mirror.”

As the budgets plummeted and indie filmmakers capitalized on the brand’s notoriety, it seems the wrong lessons were learned. Runtimes have ballooned past the 90-minute mark and the narratives are often saggy and unfocused.

Both issues are clearly on display in Amityville Karen (2022), a film that starts off rough, but promising, and ends with a confused whimper.

The promise is embodied by the tinge of self-awareness in Julie Anne Prescott (The Amityville Harvest)’s screenplay, namely the nods to John Waters’ classic 1994 satire, Serial Mom. In that film, Beverly Sutphin (an iconic Kathleen Turner) is a bored, white suburban woman who punished individuals who didn’t adhere to her rigid definition of social norms. What is “Karen” but a contemporary equivalent?

In director/actor Shawn C. Phillips’ film, Karen (Lauren Francesca) is perpetually outraged. In her introductory scenes, she makes derogatory comments about immigrants, calls a female neighbor a whore, and nearly runs over a family blocking her driveway. She’s a broad, albeit familiar persona; in many ways, she’s less of a character than a caricature (the living embodiment of the name/meme).

These early scenes also establish a fairly straightforward plot. Karen is a code enforcement officer with plans to shut down a local winery she has deemed disgusting. They’re preparing for a big wine tasting event, which Karen plans to ruin, but when she steals a bottle of cursed Amityville wine, it activates her murderous rage and goes on a killing spree.

Simple enough, right?

Unfortunately, Amityville Karen spins out of control almost immediately. At nearly every opportunity, Prescott’s screenplay eschews narrative cohesion and simplicity in favour of overly complicated developments and extraneous characters.

Take, for example, the wine tasting event. The film spends an entire day at the winery: first during the day as a band plays, then at a beer tasting (???) that night. Neither of these events are the much touted wine-tasting, however; that is actually a private party happening later at server Troy (James Duval)’s house.

Weirdly though, following Troy’s death, the party’s location is inexplicably moved to Karen’s house for the climax of the film, but the whole event plays like an afterthought and features a litany of characters we have never met before.

This is a recurring issue throughout Amityville Karen, which frequently introduces random characters for a scene or two. Karen is typically absent from these scenes, which makes them feel superfluous and unimportant. When the actress is on screen, the film has an anchor and a narrative drive. The scenes without her, on the other hand, feel bloated and directionless (blame editor Will Collazo Jr., who allows these moments to play out interminably).

Compounding the issue is that the majority of the actors are non-professionals and these scenes play like poorly performed improv. The result is long, dull stretches that features bad actors talking over each other, repeating the same dialogue, and generally doing nothing to advance the narrative or develop the characters.

While Karen is one-note and histrionic throughout the film, at least there’s a game willingness to Francesca’s performance. It feels appropriately campy, though as the film progresses, it becomes less and less clear if Amityville Karen is actually in on the joke.

Like Amityville Cop before it, there are legit moments of self-awareness (the Serial Mom references), but it’s never certain how much of this is intentional. Take, for example, Karen’s glaringly obvious wig: it unconvincingly fails to conceal Francesca’s dark hair in the back, but is that on purpose or is it a technical error?

Ultimately there’s very little to recommend about Amityville Karen. Despite the game performance by its lead and the gentle homages to Serial Mom’s prank call and white shoes after Labor Day jokes, the never-ending improv scenes by non-professional actors, the bloated screenplay, and the jittery direction by Phillips doom the production.

Clocking in at an insufferable 100 minutes, Amityville Karen ranks among the worst of the “franchise,” coming in just above Phillips’ other entry, Amityville Hex.

Amityville Karen

The Amityville IP Awards go to…

  • Favorite Subplot: In the afternoon event, there’s a self-proclaimed “hot boy summer” band consisting of burly, bare-chested men who play instruments that don’t make sound (for real, there’s no audio of their music). There’s also a scheming manager who is skimming money off the top, but that’s not as funny.
  • Least Favorite Subplot: For reasons that don’t make any sense, the winery is also hosting a beer tasting which means there are multiple scenes of bartender Alex (Phillips) hoping to bring in women, mistakenly conflating a pint of beer with a “flight,” and goading never before seen characters to chug. One of them describes the beer as such: “It looks like a vampire menstruating in a cup” (it’s a gold-colored IPA for the record, so…no).
  • Amityville Connection: The rationale for Karen’s killing spree is attributed to Amityville wine, whose crop was planted on cursed land. This is explained by vino groupie Annie (Jennifer Nangle) to band groupie Bianca (Lilith Stabs). It’s a lot of nonsense, but it is kind of fun when Annie claims to “taste the damnation in every sip.”
  • Neverending Story: The film ends with an exhaustive FIVE MINUTE montage of Phillips’ friends posing as reporters in front of terrible green screen discussing the “killer Karen” story. My kingdom for Amityville’s regular reporter Peter Sommers (John R. Walker) to return!
  • Best Line 1: Winery owner Dallas (Derek K. Long), describing Karen: “She’s like a walking constipation with a hemorrhoid”
  • Best Line 2: Karen, when a half-naked, bleeding woman emerges from her closet: “Is this a dream? This dream is offensive! Stop being naked!”
  • Best Line 3: Troy, upset that Karen may cancel the wine tasting at his house: “I sanded that deck for days. You don’t just sand a deck for days and then let someone shit on it!”
  • Worst Death: Karen kills a Pool Boy (Dustin Clingan) after pushing his head under water for literally 1 second, then screeches “This is for putting leaves on my plants!”
  • Least Clear Death(s): The bodies of a phone salesman and a barista are seen in Karen’s closet and bathroom, though how she killed them are completely unclear
  • Best Death: Troy is stabbed in the back of the neck with a bottle opener, which Karen proceeds to crank
  • Wannabe Lynch: After drinking the wine, Karen is confronted in her home by Barnaby (Carl Solomon) who makes her sign a crude, hand drawn blood contract and informs her that her belly is “pregnant from the juices of his grapes.” Phillips films Barnaby like a cross between the unhoused man in Mulholland Drive and the Mystery Man in Lost Highway. It’s interesting, even if the character makes absolutely no sense.
  • Single Image Summary: At one point, a random man emerges from the shower in a towel and excitedly poops himself. This sequence perfectly encapsulates the experience of watching Amityville Karen.
  • Pray for Joe: Many of these folks will be back in Amityville Shark House and Amityville Webcam, so we’re not out of the woods yet…

Next time: let’s hope Christmas comes early with 2022’s Amityville Christmas Vacation. It was the winner of Fangoria’s Best Amityville award, after all!

Amityville Karen movie

Continue Reading