It’s kind of crazy how many films are coming to DVD this week, and I don’t think there’s a single one I’d waste a minute of my life on. Maybe I’m just bitter because my Bears lost, but this week is horrendous looking if you ask me. We have a few direct-to-video Lionsgate titles, which are sure to be god awful; then there’s an Echo Bridge title and a movie that was made just for the internet starring Tara Reid (wowsers). Read on to see everything you’ll probably avoid, unless you’re desperate.
Horror In Your House – February 6, 2007
By: Tex Massacre
The Amazing Screw-On Head (special edition): Lionsgate
A Civil War-era secret agent with an extraordinary special power serves under President Abraham Lincoln.
Cult comic book creator Mike Mignola’s (Hellboy) latest adaptation arrives the week and features Paul Giamatti as the titular hero.
American Psycho (Blu-ray): Lionsgate
A wealthy New York investment banking executive hides his alternate psychopathic ego from his co-workers and friends as he escalates deeper into his illogical, gratuitous fantasies.
Just think how great all those Huey Lewis songs are gonna sound one more time!
Blood Legend: Brain Damage
A young witch gathers her coven to methodically fulfill her uncle’s demands to help resurrect a demon lover from centuries past. Believing that she has completed her tasks she waits for the resurrection and her eternal rewards only to find neither are really what she expected.
Blood Mary: Echo Bridge
When a group of psychiatric hospital nurses invoke the spirit of Bloody Mary-a supposed urban myth-the slaughter begins.
The original CANDYMAN finally gets her own film.
Drawing Blood: Brain Damage
Bodies begin to pile up the moment George Adams’ wife leaves for the weekend. Unbeknownst to him, lovers, friends and neighbors cannot escape the grips of evil in his basement.
ROCKVILLE SLAYER alumni Robert Z’Dar and Joe Estevez star in this film from the Wolinksi Brothers. Previously available in the Pendulum Pictures box set Mental Maniacs
Evil Behind You: Hannover House/Allumination
Two couples find themselves as unwilling participants in a heinous experiment to open their conscious minds to the spiritual world around them. Our victims find themselves in a virtual battle for their souls as they must fight off evil forces that they did not previously know were right behind them in their daily lives.
Director Jim Carroll (No, not the Basketball Diaries guy) brings us a contradiction in terms–A Christian horror film.
Full Moon Classics–Volume 1 (Arcade, Bad Channels, Netherworld, Seedpeople, Shadowzone): Full Moon
Indie film guru Charles Band lets look a pack of great/bad horror films. Including the CGI challenged ARCADE and the alien Rock N’ Roll classic BAD CHANNELS. This set is only available direct from Full Moon. So, seriously, when is Band gonna get this stuff on store shelves?
The Grudge 2 (PG-13 & unrated special editions): Sony Pictures
In Tokyo, a young woman is exposed to the same mysterious curse that afflicted her sister. The supernatural force, which fills a person with rage before spreading to its next victim, brings together a group of previously unrelated people who attempt to unlock its secret to save their lives.
Amber Tamblyn stars in this unnecessary sequel to the reasonable scary and inarguable successful Sarah Michelle Gellar original. JU-ON creator Takashi Shimizu steps behind the lens once again proving that this is one dude who needs to get a new agent.
Hellboy: Sword of Storms: Starz Entertainment
In this first animated feature from Director Tad Stones and Creative Producers Mike Mignola and Guillermo del Toro. A folklore professor becomes unwittingly possessed by the ancient Japanese demons of Thunder and Lightning. But when The Bureau of Paranormal Research & Defense dispatches a team of agents to investigate, a cursed samurai sword sends Hellboy to a supernatural dimension of ghosts, monsters and feudal mayhem.
Ron Perlman’s back as the voice of Hellboy in this great production which debuted on The Cartoon Network back in October.
Incubus: Sony Pictures
A group of young college students who, stranded after a car accident, find themselves trapped with a deranged killer in an abandoned factory. In a desperate scramble to escape the confines of the building, the group encounters a bizarre-looking test patient in a coma suspended in a triple-locked shatterproof clear cell who holds the key to their escape and ultimately, their survival.
Tara Reid stars, but at least this time she’s not playing a scientist!
Inexchange: Razor Digital Entertainment
Maury has a problem… He is a college freshman who is taken advantage of, picked on, and ignored. However, this is the monotony that Maury has come to expect and subsequently rely on. This is what college life is for Maury, until one day when he makes an agreement and his problems begin to be eliminated one by one.
The Raven: Lionsgate
As a child, Lenore was haunted by visions of terror and read only the poems and stories of Poe. Now, as the lead singer in an L.A. band, Lenore is victimized by a supernatural killer who murders her friends and colleagues before he turns his evil sights on her. The ghost of Poe visits Lenore in her dreams and offers her a way to escape from the killer.
That’s right sports fans; it’s time for another Ulli Lommel film. I’m sure this one is better than his last 60, so I’m tempted to make it my pick of the week. Then I realized that would be almost as cruel as watching it.
Return in Red: Image
Certain electromagnetic frequencies can cause mental disruption in human beings… and now someone has decided to put that to the test on the people of a small town.
Sickness House: Brain Damage
A group of friends get together for a New Year’s Eve party without any idea that they may be trapped there longer than they expected when the house they’re in is quarantined with them all inside.
And our award for most obvious title of the week goes too…