Horror In Your House Brings You The Worst of 2007

This past year has been plagued with terrible horror films hitting theaters, flopping, thus making the genre look weakened. Today a slew of crappy horror films are coming to DVD, ones that I’m assuming most of you have never seen since they were out of theaters only a few weeks after release. The only box office success was Sony’s craptacular Ghost Rider, which was one of the top grossers until big summer blow out. Read on to see what else hits DVD tomorrow.
Horror in your House
June 12, 2007
By: Tex Massacre

Ashura: Animeigo

Demons hunger to walk the streets of Edo, and all that stands in their way are the fearsome warriors known as Demon Wardens. But when Izumo, their greatest swords- man, accidentally slays an innocent child, he vows never to spill blood again. Later, signs and portents herald the rebirth of Ashura, Queen of the Demons. When she manifests, all Edo shall burn, and the demons shall have dominion over the Earth. And Izumo’s old rival from his Demon Warden days, Jaku, is for some reason, helping them!

Black Christmas (HD-DVD): Weinstein Co./Genius Products

An escaped maniac returns to his childhood home on Christmas Eve, which is now a sorority house, and begins to murder the sorority sisters one by one.

I swear it seems like this film gets a new release every other week? I know that’s not actually true…but it feels true.

Blood & Chocolate: Sony Pictures

Teen werewolf Vivian has spent her entire life trying to hide her secret. But when she falls for a human and ignores the werewolf who desires her, she finds she must choose between love and family.

All the good graces that we allotted the werewolf film after UNDERWORLD and GINGER SNAPS have been totally destroyed thanks to VAN HELSING, UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION and this latest dismal production.

The Clown Murders: Image

Four friends don clown costumes and kidnap one of their old girlfriends in what’s supposed to be an innocent Halloween prank. Tensions flare quickly, but old jealousy and resentment turn to suspicion and terror when the group realizes that a clown among them has a real ax to grind – and wants them dead! Is a murdering red-nosed stranger stalking the hapless kidnappers, or is one of their own is determined to make sure this is one prank that will make them die laughing? Part psychological thriller, part edge-of-your-seat horror.

After last weeks release of the Oliver Stone film SEIZURE, this week we get an obscure 1976 horror film starring John Candy! Poor John. If you thought the humiliation of WAGONS EAST was all Hollywood had left for the guy, you have to check this schlock-fest out.

Creature Features Collection: Elite Entertainment

From werewolves to bats; aliens to maniacal robots; mummies to zombies. For almost 100 years, the film industry has graced the screen with an eclectic array of movie monsters and some of those most notable screen legends are highlighted in Elite Entertainment’s “Creature Features.” Each episode – The Beast, The Machines and The Dead – Features an abundance of classic film clips form some of Hollywood’s greatest horror and science fiction films.

Death Knows Your Name: CreepFX/Maverick

A human skill unearthed in the abandoned hospital wing of an insane asylum, unleashes an evil course and leads a psychiatrist to discover his own corpse from a past life.

Ghost Rider: Sony Pictures

In this hell-on-wheels thriller, Nicolas Cage stars as Johnny Blaze, a badass stunt cyclist who makes a Faustian bargain with the sinister Mephisto to save a loved one. Years later, he offers Johnny the chance to reclaim his soul by vanquishing Blackheart—Mephisto’s archenemy and son, who’s scheming to depose his pop.

I know this film make mad bank at the box office…but I say…NO COMMENT!

Hellboy: Bloody & Iron: Starz/Anchor Bay

In 1939, young Professor Bruttenholm destroyed Erzsebet Ondrushko, a female vampire who bathed in the blood of innocents to stay young. Now someone in upstate New York is trying to bring her back, and the elderly Professor Broom has decided to investigate it himself. He takes the top BPRD agents, Hellboy, Liz Sherman and Abe Sapien, who are more worried about his welfare than the return of any vampire. Their tune changes when they face a horde of ghosts, a phantom wolf pack, witches, harpies, a giant werewolf and Erzsebet herself. Hellboy ends up battling the Queen of Witches, the goddess Hecate, who wants him to embrace his true destiny, a destiny that includes the destruction of mankind.

Id: Tokyo Shock/Media Blasters

A man known as the bloodthirsty killer roams the forest. The sound of water flowing deep beneath the earth fills his mind. He hears an unknown voice, passing through the depths of his unconscious – his id – emanating from the murmuring of the underground stream. Drawn together in the realm of the id, brings about the appearance of the “Human-hog” monster, which resonates a foul stench.

Masters of Horror: The Screwfly Solution: Anchor Bay

A pair of scientists race to discover why the collective libido of men across the globe has suddenly turned into homicidal bloodlust. The battle of the sexes takes on a whole new meaning as the researchers try to unravel the mystery—and female corpses continue to pile up.

Joe Dante delivers one of the better releases from Season 2 of MOH—Defiantly one worth checking out.

Primevil: Hollywood Pictures

A news team is sent to South Africa to capture and bring home a legendary 25-foot crocodile. Their difficult task turns potentially deadly when a warlord targets them for death.

This film makes me nostalgic for crap like EATEN ALIVE, ALLIGATOR and hell…even LAKE PLACID. In fact, what didn’t the just shoot a sequel to LAKE PLACID and slaughter even more of the Golden Girls!!!!

Shock Cinema Collection: Tempe Entertainment

This 2-disc set, rarely seen since its initial home video release in the early ‘90s! Disc 1 includes exclusive interviews with: Charles Band, Fred Olen Ray, Jeff Burr, Scott Spiegel, David DeCoteau, C. Courtney Joyner, Ernest D. Farino, Daniel M. Peterson, Chris Roth, J.R. Bookwalter, Mark McGee, Forrest J. Ackerman, Robert Quarry, Steve Neill, Deanna Lund, Ted Newsom, Melissa Moore, Joel Bender, Michael Burnett, Gary Graver, Frederick Bailey and John Goodwin! Disc 2 (first time on DVD) features rare clips and behind-the-scenes footage from MURDER WEAPON and ROBOT NINJA as well as blooper reels from NIGHTMARE SISTERS and DR. ALIEN and much more!

J.R. Bookwalter and his Tempe Entertainment bring us more campy goodness with this collection of the best of the worst of b-moviedom. If you recognize the names of more that a handful of the directors listed above, this might be the must see DVD of the month for you.

Silk: Tartan

When a Canadian research photographer is killed, leaving behind a photo of a boy in an otherwise empty room, paranormal investigative scientist, Hashimoto, and his team investigate the scene. As the team gets closer to solving the riddle of the boy’s past, they learn the horrifying truth.

They Came From the Grave! (CARNAGE FOR THE DESTROYER, DEAD & ROTTING, FILTHY McNASTY, MULVA: ZOMBIE ASS KICKER, MY DEAD GIRLFRIEND) Tempe Entertainment

Resurrect a bargain with THEY CAME FROM THE GRAVE! This low-priced set includes 5 gory features on 4 discs, complete with enough bonus features to fill several coffins. Includes: MY DEAD GIRLFRIEND (2006), CARNAGE FOR THE DESTROYER (2006), DEAD & ROTTING Special Edition (2002), FILTHY McNASTY (2002) and MULVA: ZOMBIE ASS KICKER! (2000).

Count ‘em up fanboys, this set has 3 Chris Seaver films in it for only $19.99…that’s like 15 bucks more than Chris spent on the budget! Seriously, I love “The Seavage’s” films, they’ve got no qualms about their stupidity, and that takes nerve—or at least a sense to ignore the good tastes of 99.9% of the public.

Zombie Bloodbath Trilogy: Camp Motion Pictures (TEX’S PICK OF THE WEEK)

Zombie Bloodbath Trilogy presents three zombie-themed, shot-on-video, DIY feature films from cult director, Todd Sheets. Inspired by Fulci and Romero, each feature delivers non-stop gore FX and zombie action sequences. Features include: Zombie Bloodbath, Zombie Bloodbath 2: Rage of The Undead and Zombie Bloodbath 3: Zombie Armageddon.

Now, if you really want ultra-low budget look no further. Todd Sheets is the reigning king of DIY cinema and these three films show that, if nothing else, Todd’s pop must be a butcher…. I mean how else does this guy get THAT much bloody meat on the screen. Plots are secondary to the carnage but these three films, shot over an 8-year time span, actually show marked improvement on the part of one of the few truly maverick moviemakers out there. Chris Seaver and this guy should start up a production company real quick!