Earth vs. The Spider

?Spider-Man? meets ?The Fly?…interesting enough concept, but this poorly produced film delivers in all the wrong places.

First and foremost, the title of the movie makes NO SENSE!!!! Sure, I know that the whole point of Stan Winston?s Creature Feature line is to (*cough* sell action figures *cough*) make new versions of 50s ?B? movies, but this is a ?remake? only in the sense that two films have been released under the name ?Earth VS. The Spider?.

?Eight Legged Freaks? is a much better look at what a ?remake? of Earth Vs. The Spider might be. The plot of this creature feature has nothing to do with Earth being under attack in any way…the film should be called Dan Akroyd Vs. The Spider.

The film begins with a Peter Parker like geek (Devon Gummersall) getting ready for work. We learn that he?s a security guard at a genetics lab, and we?re introduced to the lovely lady who lives down the hall (Amelia Heinle). Of course, our hero would like to ask her out…but he?s too much of a coward to do so.

Some people bully him and the girl…we?re introduced to his Uncle Ben like security guard partner…blah…blah…blah…

Long story short, his partner dies, he gets injected with a serum that the genetics lab has been experimenting on, and BAM! – The plot is underway…

Very soon we meet a haggard Dan Akroyd who appears to be doing someone a favor by being in this boring piece of filth. He has all sorts of problems including a drunken wife who?s cheating on him, and the dealing with the death of his own partner a few months before the start of the film.

Meanwhile, our hero thinks he?s going to be a super hero…only to discover that he?s going nuts and becoming a giant Man-Spider instead.

In a nutshell…the girl next door falls for the geek…but now he?s a big spider so they can?t really get together…Dan?s wife and lover bite it…and Dan does a mercy kill on the poor pathetic bastard Man-Spider…

All in all this thing sucked….One of the things that?s wrong with all of these Creature Features is that they feel like REALLY LONG episodes of Tales from the Crypt. They have a production value to them that doesn?t really work with what they?re trying to do. Hopefully if they do any more, which I doubt they will, we?ll get to see a little more money put into it.

Being that this is something that has ?real? actors in it, and was funded by a studio, I have to hold it in a higher regard than something like Splatter Farm, Camp Blood, or Dead and Rotting. Sometimes a film is so BAD that it?s entertaining…this was just plain boring.

Official Score