Pet Sematary Two

“Sequels suck,” so said the acclaimed Horror Einstien Randy, in 1997’s “Scream 2.” He shouldn’t be talking, considering that movie could’ve been a whole lot better. But he’s not entirely wrong. Some sequels have their faults; they either have different actors return to play a character who has al ready been portrayed, or they have an entirely different storyline that doesn’t have anything to do with the series (i.e. “Children of the Corn 7: Revelation.”) Well, in this case, the following film doesn’t have either of those faults. I didn’t say it doesn’t have OTHER faults, because it definitely does.

“Pet Sematary Two” doesn’t start off where the second one left off. It’s set about four years later, in the same town, mind you, where 13-year-old Jeff (Edward Furlong) has been sent to live with father after his mother, a Hollywood scream queen, dies in a freak special FX accident. He’s not the happiest camper in the world, and he doesn’t mind showing it. The first day of school, he gets into a fight, and his kitten he had been hiding in his jacket (all day, for some reason… surprised it didn’t shit everywhere) is stolen by the local bully, who takes the cat to the (dun dun dun) Pet Sematary. This is where the movie gets kind of cheesy. First off, any hardcore fan of the original would know that the graveyard isn’t that accessible to anybody; Jeff follows a path that goes off the highway. Second off, it’s entirely different (look-wise and atmosphere-wise as well) and it just doesn’t give off the feel it should. The first film, you knew it was a place of evil, a place where bad things were bound to happen. In this film, you wonder who flew a helicopter of garbage over the site and just let it all go down.

Anyway, Jeff gets his kitten back, makes a new friend (Drew, who is one of the only characters I cared about in this movie,) whose dog just happens to get shot by mean old Gus, his stepfather. Drew, who is heartbroken, has Jeff help him bury his dog. Where does he bury it? I’ll give you a hint: starts with “P” and ends with “et Sematary.” Of course, the dog is resurrected, and yes, the dog is creepy as hell, but you can tell that the FX people didn’t put a lot of time into its mask, considering you can tell it’s a person with a dog mask on.

Gus gets killed, the scared Drew and Jeff, who have developed quite a friendship (helping each other bury things in cemeteries,) bury Gus, and he too comes back. And throughout this whole time, Jeff is having bad dreams about his mother, and being possessed by the power of the cemetery as well. Jeff’s father, played by Anthony Edwards (who I wish would’ve gotten his throat chewed off) gets a new girlfriend, and Jeff doesn’t approve… So you see, the director (Mary Lambert, director of the original) tries to mix drama with horror. On rare occasions, very talented directors can pull it off. Ms. Lambert, however, turns this seemingly good movie into a soap opera that should be titled, “Days of Our Mentally Challenged Directors Who Shouldn’t Be Able To Sit Behind A Camera And Ruin A Sequel To A Movie That Kicked Ass Lives.”

All in all, “Pet Sematary Two” was okay. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t the best movie in the entire world and definitely didn’t live up to its predecessor, (definitely not… the first film almost made me shit myself) but it’s worth a watch if you like yelling at your television to characters who probably wouldn’t listen to you anyway.

Official Score