The Guyver

What a terrible movie ‘The Guyver’ was, seriously it was one of the worst movies I’ve seen in awhile- but goddamn was it funny! So you have this horror/action film from 1991, which is loaded with cheesy lines, terrible fight sequences and the main character that is a cross between Ultraman and the Power Rangers, who wouldn’t laugh at this atrocity? So bad it’s fun to watch…

The second the movie popped on the screen it had me laughing so hard I was crying. They did a ‘Star Wars’ style introduction with one of the most hilarious and ridiculous intros ever. I wish I had the time to transcribe it for you. In the movie, which is based on a Japanese anime comic, a young man discovers a mechanical device that merges with his own body, turning him into a cyborg superhero called ‘The Guyver.’ When strange creatures start appearing, trying to take the device back, he begins to uncover a secret plot to genetically engineer terrifying monsters. For such a obnoxious movie, the plot gets so thick, which is why I find it so incredibly funny. These monsters are aliens, who came to Earth and created man as the ultimate weapon, only man gets his ass kicked by these aliens. It just gets weirder and weirder.

The aliens looked like they were a mix of a Gremlin and the monsters in the ‘Power Rangers.’ But not to completely rip on the FX, because there were some really cool scenes, which is probably why my brother and I used to watch this when we were kids. The movie was produced by Brian Yuzna of ‘Re-Animator,’ which would also explain the appearance by Jeffrey Combs as a scientist. There were some cool mutations, transformations and uber-monsters.

After watched the entire film, you got to wonder if they took this seriously when they made it. Besides having a cast that was so terrible at acting (the fat girl from ‘Mulva’ would be jealous), they had terrible dialogue. The Guyver says to the Dr. who is going to ‘harm’ his girlfriend, “Don’t hurt her” in which he replies, “oh I will!” The Guyver replies, “No you won’t” and then the Dr. says, “Yes I WILL!!” and so on- it’s hilarious! But that doesn’t even take the cake, they have a black rapping alien! Here’s the best part, he can’t rap or rhyme- he’s terrible! Every character had a point somewhere in the movie where I laughed- especially the lead girl Vivian Wu, who played Mizky. She is on my top ten list of worst acting performances of all time. She was terribly unbelievable as a character, unmotivated, and had an accent that was so thick, you wonder whom she “suckee suckeed” to get the part…

‘The Guyver’ is easily one of the worst movies ever made, but it’s still something fun to watch. When you and your friends are sitting around the boob-tube and are in dyer need of a good laugh, ‘The Guyver’ will deliver, I promise you that! I recommend picking this up to rent on DVD if not for the laugh, for the… what the hell am I talking about?- It’s all laughs!

Official Score