The Park (China)

Asian horror cinema comes to Screamfest LA in 3-D?! Just the two words “Asian” and “3D” had me excited beyond belief- especially when the Hong Kong film The Park takes place in an abandoned amusement park.

The film, which was produced by one of the famous Pang brothers (The Eye), takes us to an abandoned amusement park that is haunted beyond belief. Years ago a fatal accident caused the park to close and it has been abandoned ever since. While in school a student finds a newspaper regarding this age old accident and decides to go “stick his nose where it doesn’t belong.” He is sucked into the dark gritty earth never to return. After a few days his sister decides to go look for her brother, even after her witch mother tells her not to. Of course she brings along a group of her best friends to joke around, cause a ruckus and piss the spirits off. Next thing you know the park is glowing with evil spirits- story fin.

So was it good? No, not even close. If the blood wasn’t as heightened as it was, it would have been worse than Disney’s ‘Haunted Manson.’ The film is rehashed Asian horror cinema garbage. Not only is it the same junk only thinned out, but the “weapon” of choice is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen and when introduced- if you can’t figure out that it’s the big finale’s weapon- then you haven’t seen enough horror flicks. The director/writer basically say, “This camera is a weapon against ghosts.” A camera? Come on! Just wait until the end, it’s a laugh- oh and did I mention the crappy 3-D?

How many 3-D movies have you seen in which you were excited to pull off your glasses because the effects were so horribly done? It barely looked 3-D, it was more of a way of adding some depth to the film instead of bringing it forward. To top it all off, they’d flash a 3-D logo on the screen when you were supposed to get your glasses on, but the scene would start right away so you’d miss stuff- brilliant, just brilliant..

Although the movie was a disappointment, they had some cool kills and a couple really neat visual props. One kill, which had everyone screaming, was a mega-sweet decapitation, there’s nothing like a rolling head across the screen! The props were awesome too, there was a giant Jaws popping out of the water by the building and there were scary clowns hanging from trees- hella’ cool!

But overall the film was a two thumbs downer. Clich√©, overdone material and a lousy script ruined what could have been a cool film. I’m starting to think the Pang brothers might be a little over hyped? I would recommend avoiding ‘The Park’ at all costs, just like the kids should have done. But on second thought, if you want to waste a few bucks, the end is so bad it’s HILARIOUS! So then again maybe you should take a peak…

Official Score