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Thirst (Kr)

“At the hands of a less competent director, THIRST could have been an abomination, but thankfully Chan-wook delivers something above par that should probably be met with two cans of Red Bull.”

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Quite possibly my favorite director on the planet right now is Park Chan-wook, who brought us such classics as JSA, OLDBOY, SYMPATHY FOR MR. VENGEANCE and LADY VENGEANCE. For this legendary Korean director to take on the horror genre is like having Paul Thomas Anderson turn to horror. While Chan-wook has been primed for the genre with the amount of bloodshed in his previous films, he also took his love for lengthy exposition-filled drama along for the ride, which just doesn’t digest well in horror. At the hands of a less competent director, THIRST could have been an abomination, but thankfully Chan-wook delivers something above par that should probably be met with two cans of Red Bull.

THIRST finds Korea’s leading man, Song Kang-ho (The Host), as a much-loved priest who becomes a vampire after a failed medical experiment; he becomes a tortured and depraved soul.

Park Chan-wook is known for his character pieces and his ability to really mold a personality for his protagonist. While typically this works for Chan-wook, it hinders THIRST a great deal. The film carries an overcomplicated plot that is not only confusing, but also drags the film to an unnecessary 133-minute length. There are unusually subplots such as one involving a vengeful spirit that’s supposed to provide a level of comic relief. THIRST is a solid drama for most of 133 minutes, so when it goes over-the-top for these segments, it literally takes you out of the movie. In fact, whenever Chan-wook attempts to throw comedy into the film, whether it be in-your-face or subtly, it’s completely lost in translation (like many Asian comedies). Even though Park has said in interviews that he loves the comedy aspect and really would like audiences to relish in it, the movie should have been 30 minutes shorter (at least) as most of the comedy could have easily been trimmed.

With that said, THIRST succeeds on so many other levels that it’s hard to focus on the negative. The most impressive aspect of the screenplay (co-written by Chan-wook and Seo-Gyeong Jeong) are the dueling leads. Sang-hyun plays a priest who believes that life is precious and volunteers for a secret vaccine development project to help save lives from a deadly virus. He becomes infected and returns to life as a blood-sucking vampire. He is also conflicted between the carnal desire for blood and his faith, which forbids him to kill, therefore leading him to a hospital where he drinks from people in comas. He meets Tae-ju (Kim Ok-bin), who is married to his childhood friend. The two fall in love and she becomes the pawn that forces him to choose evil over good. While he still holds down his principals as a Priest, he feels like a traitor to his faith and begins to bend his own rules – until they break. Tae-ju is filled with darkness as she seduces Sang-huyn into killing her husband (his friend) and eventually he kills her as well, but his love for her causes him to reanimate her as a vampire. From this point on Chan-wook does the tango with audience as the two polar opposite vampires battle for control over one another. One of the strongest aspects of THIRST is this physical and narrative battle between these two, who both love each other, can’t live without each other, and yet aren’t compatible in the least. But in an odd and beautiful way completely contrast each other.

For the hardcore horror fans, while most of the film is loaded with heavy exposition, there are still some pretty bloody and violent moments throughout. Chan-wook takes a page from George A. Romero’s MARTIN and brings the realism to THIRST. He gives Sang-huyn disgusting blisters when he doesn’t feed, when the duo have sex he fills the audience’s ears with gross sound effects and has the characters lick each other’s armpits and feet, and when the blood flows none of it sounds appealing (the slurping sounds are disgusting). There is nothing enchanting about THIRST; even the look of the film itself if darker and duller than any of Park Chan-wook’s previous works.

It’s quite unfortunate that THIRST never got trimmed and tightened up, as it really is just way too long. What the film really lacks is momentum; anyone with an attention span as short as mine is guaranteed to squirm through most of the 133 minutes. Beyond the pacing issues, this vampire tale is one worthy of seeing in a theater, just muster up enough energy to stay awake through it all – the finale is definitely worthy of your full attention.

Horror movie fanatic who co-founded Bloody Disgusting in 2001. Producer on Southbound, V/H/S/2/3/94, SiREN, Under the Bed, and A Horrible Way to Die. Chicago-based. Horror, pizza and basketball connoisseur. Taco Bell daily. Franchise favs: Hellraiser, Child's Play, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Scream and Friday the 13th. Horror 365 days a year.

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Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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