Lake Dead (Horrorfest) (V)

Where am I? Seriously… what has this world come to where a film like LAKE DEAD gets a theatrical release? Grab your cameras and get cracking horror fans… it looks like anyone can get their movie in After Dark’s Horrorfest. LAKE DEAD is a sad attempt at returning the ‘80s filled with cheap FX and mind numbing acting.

In the film three beautiful sisters learn of a long lost grandfather, but only make this discovery upon the news of his grisly death. Enticed to visit grandpa’s old home after hearing of an inheritance, the sister’s head to the backcountry with some friends. We quickly follow the group of friends through the gates of a redneck-infested hell. The psychotic family occupying the inherited property goes on a long awaited, and much enjoyed killing spree. As the family’s twisted motives unravel, the sisters discover a terror worse than death.

The only thing worse than death is watching this movie. There’s not a single shred of good hiding within as every moment is filled with laughable dialogue and cheesy special FX. Also in LAKE DEAD you’ll enjoy a made-for-TV score and can take a gander at locations from other films – it looks as if they didn’t even redress the sets from previous films.

I know this might sound cool, but it’s not… the first 45 minutes of the film is packed with hot girls getting naked, having sex and showing their tits. None of it is even in there for the sake of the story; it’s just a sad attempt to be “sexy” because, yeah, sex sells. The situations aren’t even realistic, but I would love to live in this world. In LAKE DEAD guys aren’t even interested in hot chicks or sex, but the girls are so horny they force them to do it (now that’s a good boy, give it to me hard…) Once again this is a weak attempt at giving homage to the ‘80s… and what the directors need to do is go and watch HATCHET where it’s done correctly.

Now that you’ve made it past the first 45-minutes without leaving to go watch a porn instead, get ready for lame FX work and monologues by our various killers. The film turns into the TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE as we have to endure two mutant twins (who hide their face with their head cause it’s scarrrryyyy) and their father walking around and yapping for the remainder of the film. When we do finally get a bit of violence and gore, most of the shots are cutaways with the camera returning on the gruesome aftermath. It’s crazy that the opening of the film is cooler than anything else that follows…. Maybe After Dark didn’t even watch the rest of the movie?

The finale to this film is so bad I wanted to gouge my eyes out. The best is the cheesy one-liner that pretty much seals the deal, “That’s how you fuck family,” as the father is shot square between the eyes (off camera). It was so bad I was laughing out loud, and not in a fun way.

I hate to take a dump on someone’s valiant efforts, but it just blows my mind that a movie like LAKE DEAD is assembled the way it is. It’s such an atrocious piece of crap that it would shock me if George Bessudo and Daniel P. Coughlin were actually horror fans. LAKE DEAD feels like just another attempt to cash in our beloved genre and I feel like their idea of what we want to see is completely wrong. Instead of trying to emulate a horror filmmaker, why didn’t these guys go and direct something they actually had a passion for? This film is officially now on my worst films of 2007 list.

Official Score