Blood Car (V)

Just how vicious do you like your satire? Biting enough to draw blood? Co-writer and director Alex Orr’s feature film debut is hellbent on draining every drop of absurdity from gouging gas prices.

It’s the future—well, it’s two weeks into the future—and gas prices have skyrocketed past thirty-two dollars a gallon. Gone are the days of cruisin’ with your crew to chill at the mall or making it with your girl at the drive-in double feature. Oh sure, kids are still fucking in front seats of cars, but those cars are now piled ten-feet-tall in automotive graveyards the size of football fields.

Archie Andrews (Mike Brune) is a Vegan schoolteacher whose spiritual tank is overflowing with social consciousness. He sports shirts stamped with slogans like “Dolphins are Dandy” and “Meat is Murder in the Worst Degree”. He even reads his class books on the tragic injustices that have befallen the Tibetan people. Archie thinks he’s got this gas problem beat. He’s building an internal combustion engine that runs on wheatgrass juice. The only problem is that his invention doesn’t work at all. But after Archie cuts his hand on a broken bottle of Russian Vodka, all it takes is a little drop of blood before all engines are go on a bloodbath of Roger Corman proportions.

How delicate are your sensibilities when it comes to the slaughter of war vets, old folks, grade-schoolers, squirrels and a precious little pug? How about an onslaught of bizarro sex, filthy dialogue and fairy-tale set pieces? Not weird enough yet? I got it…What about MY GIRL star Anna Chlumsky’s first feature film appearance in a decade as the neo-hippie proprietor of The Veg-Table, who passes her time dreaming of Archie and penciling pornographic pictures of the pair in her notebook.

I know what you’re saying…it’s ridiculous. You’re right, that’s exactly what it is! BLOOD CAR is an unholy union of absurdist humor and surrealistic horror. It’s DESPERATE LIVING cross-pollinated with LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS. No one in their right mind would make a movie like this…and yes, with that statement I concede that despite my love for the man, Lloyd Kaufman is not is his right mind either. But the correlation between a Troma film and BLOOD CAR is not that far off base…it’s just unfair to BLOOD CAR.

That the films sensibilities are so far out of whack with reality makes the production a daunting task to critique. It’s likely to turn off as many viewers as it turns on. Anything technically inconsistent in the film can be chalked up as added charm. It’s raining in one scene and crystal clear in the next. Everyone is in tank tops and short sleeve shirts and yet their breath is showing. Actors are cut together in sequences that clearly were not shot at the same time. But, despite all the quirks, the film works on a gut-busting level that like the nastiest comedies forces us to laugh at situations that should shock us outright. The film is also a cacophony of jacked film sequences—it’s like a decoupage lampshade in Quentin Tarantino’s Jungle Room. The crew behind this flick seems to be clipping everything from THE WILD BUNCH to NATURAL BORN KILLERS along the way. Even the crack government team that is desperate to get a hold of this new technology is a Tony Scott-cyber-geek-assortment of twenty-something hacker nerds running around in suits and sunglasses. It’s so blatantly derivative that you’d cry your eyes out if you weren’t so preoccupied with laughing your ass off.

Sensory overload isn’t a term that one often tosses about when referring to feature-length motion pictures. It often best describes music videos. I’m not likening BLOOD CAR to an MTV-styled barrage of flash cuts and syncopated breakbeats and the film could never withstand 72-minutes of that kind of Attention Deficit Destruction. But, what BLOOD CAR does manage to do is ride roughshod over your cortex with an onslaught of insanity. It works strictly as a comedy more than anything else. Part of that success, and what makes the film stand out in that genre, is its uncanny ability to make you hoot and holler for things that are simply not funny in real life—the murder of children and animals chief amongst them. However, in the heightened-reality of BLOOD CAR those elements are fodder for a shockingly hearty good time.

So yeah…I laughed…I guess that makes me a sick fuck. But, hey…I didn’t write and direct this film. That honor and blame goes to Alex Orr. So if you’re feeling guilty after watching it, send a few bucks to PETA or something. Personally, I can’t afford it…gas prices are bleeding me dry!

Official Score