For those of you not familiar with the rich mythology behind the BIKINI BLOODBATH series, let’s recap:
In the shat-on-video original film from 2006, a bearded Chef hacked up a handful of topless high school girls (read: 30-year-old actors posing as jailbait), a group of football players explored their homoerotic futures, the audience was bombarded by random dance montages; all of which was accompanied by the butt-rock thrashings of White Liger, a truly bad-ass hair band. BIKINI BLOODBATH had boobs, laffs, hard rockin’ tunes….it had pretty much everything except a decent plot or respectable production values.
BIKINI BLOODBATH 2: BIKINI BLOODBATH CARWASH picks up a couple of years later: the high school skanks have now matured into fully-matriculated students at Community College University who occasionally tit-scrub cars at the local Debbie Rochon-owned car wash, but their day job doesn’t stop them from constantly chugging booze, getting topless, and dancing to bangin’ White Liger riffs. By the way, The Chef is still out to kill some bitches, and his gore is new and improved, but the kills are once again staged with all the directorial finesse of Kevin Smith on quaaludes.
Essentially CARWASH is a carbon copy of the original BIKINI BLOODBATH, an exploration of bare tits, bad acting, and a fistful of well-edited montages. And oh, the montages. Any serious discussion of CARWASH deserves at least a full paragraph regarding the film’s montages. Of course you can assume you’re going to get your soapy bikini car wash montage, that goes without saying, and with BIKINI BLOODBATH CARWASH, you get two of ‘em. There’s also a party dance montage (co-ed), a break-dancing montage staged on a splayed cardboard box (guys only), and a “suiting up for battle” montage, as the bitches prep for their final face-off against The Chef. Lots of montages. If montages were a fetish, CARWASH would be porn.
There’s really nothing much to recommend BIKINI BLOODBATH CARWASH unless you’re into mindless, shot-on-video bullshit. It’s not a very good movie. But for this critic, the utter likeability of the BIKINI BLOODBATH series carries enough weight to override any creative incompetence. The nudity is often memorable, the montages are mind-numbingly brilliant, and the goofy dialogue is consistently worth a chuckle. Worth checking out as long as you know what you’re getting into.
this week in horror
Schwarzenegger Confirms Return to ‘Terminator’ Franchise
We Saw a Full Scene from ‘IT’ and Holy Shit Bill Skarsgard Nailed Pennywise
Amazing New “Stranger Things” Poster Plays Up ‘Elm Street’ Connection
10 Underseen Horror Anthologies You Should Watch!
A Really Strange New ‘Cult of Chucky’ Image Was Just Released