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Backwoods (V)

“You can sit in front of a copy machine and get whaled in the head by sheet after sheet of seemingly the same shit, over and over, or you can plop yourself in front of a television screen and watch Backwoods to the same effect.”

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Backwoods is a story about a group of video game co-workers that embark on a business trip designed to sharpen their executive skills. Its introduced to the office as “Executive Tactics!” – a paintball retreat to the mountains of North Carolina – where teamwork, problem solving, and perseverance will earn the winning team an extra paycheck and a little more brown for their professional noses. They are headed into trouble, as foreshadowed by the film’s first chapter, where a couple is wiped off the face of the Earth by a team of local hunters that live in the woods. The young man is knifed on a hilltop and the young woman is dragged off, forced to mate with their chosen one, whereafter the baby is stolen, and the girl forced into submission to live among the tribe.

Enter now the office, split into two teams, Alpha and Beta, which includes Disney’s Haylie Duff (yes, Hillary Duff’s sister) and Ryan Merriman – an ensemble of victims that nestle their way into the woods the old fashioned way – they pack up vans, sit through a road trip of witty banter, unpack, hee-haw it up to some slide guitar at the local creek, then bitch and annoy and joke until the campfire smolders and someone is trying to get laid in a tent. All along, an attempt is made to bond us to the characters at stake, while the locals stalk them from afar, assessing the situation – watching and waiting for the eventual murderous dismantlement.

A healthy template of potential victims is created – an annoying pain in the ass male hardon, a couple of hotties (one of which doesn’t want to sleep her way to the top), a boss looking out for the crew, the sensitive geek who can sense what’s going on and tries to tell the others, the Asian comedy relief schlep, and the quick-tongued brother, amongst others. But by now, Backwoods has already blown its load – a dinky premature ejaculation that does nobody any good. You’d swear director Marty Weiss was at the helm of a PG-13, 7th Heaven episode gone wrong – because any time the kill presents itself (which is where the knockout blows of a horror film should lie) – we are given a gruesome implication of what happens. Nothing for our eyes to cling to.

The murders implied are violent. Being stabbed to death by a 10 inch hunting knife. Having your head caved in with several blows from a mallet. A spinal cord splitting arrow to the carotid artery. Impalement by Rambo tree traps. There are even rapes implied, and two girls are brutally taken by a towering Mickey Rourkian woodsman. This beast even smashes someone’s head into pumpkin pie with a big rock. But this is where the letdown will occur for a lot of viewers. Nothing is really shown. Remember that old trick, where someone strikes at the camera lens, and then the color of blood is painted across the entire screen? That’s what you’re going to get. That and bloody rubber sticks glued to uniforms that jiggle around when the actor moves. There’s even a point where someone gets stabbed to death with a big knife, and you can actually hear the scrunching of the prop-knife springs squeaking away, as the fake die-cast blade embeds itself repeatedly into the hilt.

If you’re wondering about Haylie Duff, she does a nice little swim scene and shows off her tight little body for those who are interested, but there’s no T&A – no gratuitous sex – nothing that’s going to excite anyone over the age of 16, in that department. And is it me, or does she yelp like a wounded hyena?

Final analysis: You can sit in front of a copy machine and get whaled in the head by sheet after sheet of seemingly the same shit, over and over, or you can plop yourself in front of a television screen and watch Backwoods to the same effect. Maybe its me, but I think we’ve seen this plot before? Or maybe drink a few bottles of non-alcohol beer in search of a buzz. Similar redundancy here. It’s a cross between The Hills Have Eyes, Hostel, Deliverance, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre, decaffeinated for teens, wherein victims are hunted by back woods goons and forced to mate with Mickey Rourke (well, maybe not literally, but damn – it looks a lot like him). It has the structure of a decent slasher film, but fails to make any type of mark in the tension/terror department. (And to RipVanRyan – who recently lamented over seeing so many horror films that 90% of them fail to invoke any type of gut response now-a-days – this is not going to change things one bit.) “Backwoods” is NOT the international Gary Oldman film that came out a year or two ago – so be careful if you actually hit Amazon to make a purchase on this overpriced weakness. 2

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Editorials

‘Malevolence’: The Overlooked Mid-2000s Love Letter to John Carpenter’s ‘Halloween’

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Written and Directed by Stevan Mena on a budget of around $200,000, Malevolence was only released in ten theaters after it was purchased by Anchor Bay and released direct-to-DVD like so many other indie horrors. This one has many of the same pratfalls as its bargain bin brethren, which have probably helped to keep it hidden all these years. But it also has some unforgettable moments that will make horror fans (especially fans of the original Halloween) smile and point at the TV like Leonardo DiCaprio in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Malevolence is the story of a silent and masked killer told through the lens of a group of bank robbers hiding out after a score. The bank robbery is only experienced audibly from the outside of the bank, but whether the film has the budgetary means to handle this portion well or not, the idea of mixing a bank robbery tale into a masked slasher movie is a strong one.

Of course, the bank robbery goes wrong and the crew is split up. Once the table is fully set, we have three bank robbers, an innocent mom and her young daughter as hostages, and a masked man lurking in the shadows who looks like a mix between baghead Jason from Friday the 13th Part 2 and the killer from The Town That Dreaded Sundown. Let the slashing begin.

Many films have tried to recreate the aesthetic notes of John Carpenter’s 1978 classic Halloween, and at its best Malevolence is the equivalent of a shockingly good cover song.

Though the acting and script are at times lacking, the direction, score, and cinematography come together for little moments of old-school slasher goodness that will send tingles up your spine. It’s no Halloween, to be clear, but it does Halloween reasonably proud. The nighttime shots come lit with the same blue lighting and the musical notes of the score pop off at such specific moments, fans might find themselves laughing out loud at the absurdity of how hard the homages hit. When the killer jumps into frame, accompanied by the aforementioned musical notes, he does so sharply and with the same slow intensity as Michael Myers. Other films in the subgenre (and even a few in the Halloween franchise) will tell you this isn’t an easy thing to duplicate.

The production and costume designs of Malevolence hint at love letters to other classic horror films as well. The country location not only provides for an opening Halloween IV fans will appreciate but the abandoned meat plant and the furnishings inside make for some great callbacks to 1974’s The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. All of this is buoyed and accentuated by cinematography that you rarely see in today’s low-budget films. The film is shot on 35mm film by A&E documentary filmmaker Tsuyoshi Kimono, who gives Malevolence an old-school, grainy, 1970s aesthetic that feels completely natural and not like a cheap gimmick.

Malevolence is a movie that no doubt has some glaring imperfections but it is also a movie that is peppered with moments of potential. There’s a reason they made a follow-up prequel titled Malevolence 2: Bereavement years later (and another after that) that starred both Michael Biehn and Alexandra Daddario! That film tells the origin story of our baghead, Martin Bristol. Something the first film touches on a little bit, at least enough to give you the gist of what happened here. Long story short, a six-year-old boy was kidnapped by a serial killer and for years forced to watch him hunt, torture, and kill his victims. Which brings me to another fascinating aspect of Malevolence. The ending. SPOILER WARNING.

After the mother and child are saved from the killer, our slasher is gone, his bloody mask left on the floor. The camera pans around different areas of the town, showing all the places he may be lurking. If you’re down with the fact that it’s pretty obvious this is all an intentional love letter and not a bad rip-off, it’s pretty fun. Where Malevolence makes its own mark is in the true crime moments to follow. Law enforcement officers pull up to the plant and uncover a multitude of horrors. They find the notebooks of the original killer, which explain that he kidnapped the boy, taught him how to hunt, and was now being hunted by him. This also happened to be his final entry. We discover a hauntingly long line of bodies covered in white sheets: the bodies of the many missing persons the town had for years been searching for. And there are a whole lot of them. This moment really adds a cool layer of serial killer creepiness to the film.

Ultimately, Malevolence is a low-budget movie with some obvious deficiencies on full display. Enough of them that I can imagine many viewers giving up on the film before they get to what makes it so special, which probably explains how it has gone so far under the radar all these years. But the film is a wonderful ode to slashers that have come before it and still finds a way to bring an originality of its own by tying a bank robbery story into a slasher affair. Give Malevolence a chance the next time you’re in the mood for a nice little old school slasher movie.

Malevolence is now streaming on Tubi and Peacock.

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