Movies
Final Exam
“[Final Exam] focuses so much on who the cliché bunch of kids are that it becomes a bloated, unfunny coming-of-age college comedy with a slasher subplot crammed in to capitalize on the genre’s appeal.”
Spoilers
In a time when countless Friday The 13th and Halloween clones were dominating the horror marketplace, Final Exam stands out as a very different kind of slasher. Instead of pumping the film full of gratuitous violence (it really doesn’t have any) and nudity (pretty sparse), the producers decided to tone down the violence and focus on giving the characters some weight. It sounds like a godsend on paper – a slasher film with some character development! – but it focuses so much on who the cliché bunch of kids are that it becomes a bloated, unfunny coming-of-age college comedy with a slasher subplot crammed in to capitalize on the genre’s appeal.
After an opening where a canoodling couple is killed in their parked car, the action switches to Lanier College during final exam week. The nerd is busy studying his heart out, the jocks are carrying out really elaborate schemes to cheat, and students are sleeping with teachers to pass; in other words, pretty standard stuff. Except, in a slasher film, someone should be dying, and Final Exam doesn’t kill off anyone else until almost an hour in. The characters are dealing with reasonably plausible scenarios and they do have distinctively different personalities from one another, but they’re still stock characters dealing with situations that are better handled in other films.
The one notable exception is the campus fraternity faking a school shooting to distract some teachers from paying attention to their students so they could cheat. It’s pretty hilarious how intense their diversion is, throwing the campus into a panic and getting the sheriff to come out, but even in a pre-Columbine era, it was a really brave stunt to pull in the film, let alone one that ultimately provides the asshole jocks that pulled it off without any consequences – well, they do eventually get killed, but the sheriff lets them off the hook for their stunt, which is RIDICULOUS.
The biggest disappointment in Final Exam is that the killer – who resembles Richard Kiel, albeit a bit smaller – has no motive and seems to strike randomly, which is creepy in a way, but they show his face during the first kill, which is counterproductive to building up any mystery or suspense. You never question who among those left on the campus it is – whether it be male or female, student or faculty – and it makes the second act, which could have been used for this very reason, even more of a slog to sit through. Even if he had a small backstory or a name, like Michael Myers, it could’ve worked; instead, Radish (Joel S. Rice), the resident nerd, keeps bringing up that people are randomly and brutally killed every day, and that’s supposed to be enough.
Final Exam tries to be different and fails miserably, proving that going out on a limb doesn’t always work. The very basis of the slasher genre is built upon exploitable elements, and writer/director Jimmy Huston doesn’t seem to have the slightest grasp of that; if Final Exam didn’t use the familiar archetypes and plot points, it would be hard to even classify it as such. Character development is more than welcome in a subgenre where it’s sorely lacking, but it should make things interesting rather than becoming a crutch for a snoozer of a film.
Special Features
Commentary – Katarina Leigh Waters, a former WWE diva, moderates the track featuring producer Myron Meisel. It’s a pretty lively chat about the film, which is at its most interesting when Meisel is discussing how sloppy and haphazardly the film was conceived and thrown together. They actually did the opposite of what studios are doing today by throwing in a topless scene to guarantee an R-rating, even though the violence is almost non-existent (Meisel says the film originally got an X because the MPAA likes to bully low-budget distributors, which is true).
Interviews With The Stars (14:36) – A collection of individual interviews with Cecile Bagdadi (Courtney), Joel S. Rice (Radish), and Sherry Willis-Burch (Janet). The questions aren’t particularly insightful, but it doesn’t help that the film itself isn’t exactly riveting and deep, so I can’t really say I blame the interviewer.
There’s also an option to watch the film in the “Katarina’s Nightmare Theater” format, which is just an introduction by Waters.
One of the all-time foundational fixtures in horror is the vampire. That means over a century’s worth of bloodsuckers in film, in various styles and mythology, from across the globe.
As prominent as this movie monster is, with dozens of adaptations of Bram Stoker’s Dracula alone, there’s an overwhelming selection of vampire fare that makes it easy for many worthwhile gems to fall through the cracks. This week’s streaming picks are dedicated to underseen vampire horror movies worth seeking out.
As always, here’s where you can stream them this week.
For more Stay Home, Watch Horror picks, click here.
Mr. Vampire – The Criterion Channel – Plex, the Roku Channel
This supernatural genre-bender from director Ricky Lau stands far apart from standard vampire fare thanks to its comedy, martial arts, and jiangshi. Taoist priest Master Kau (Lam Ching-ying) guards the realm of the living by maintaining control over the area’s hopping vampires, and other restless spirits. When Master Kau is hired to oversee the reburial of an affluent town elder, he and his two bumbling assistants find themselves in a supernatural battle to the death when the elder’s corpse resurrects as jiangshi. Produced by martial artist and Hong Kong cinema legend Sammo Hung, Mr. Vampire was a huge box office success in Hong Kong and launched a franchise. Still, it’s a charming, lively horror comedy that could use more love among contemporary audiences.
My Heart Can’t Beat Unless You Tell It To – Plex, Prime Video, SCREAMBOX
Writer/Director Jonathan Cuartas‘s feature debut feels like a spiritual sibling to We Are What We Are in many ways. Both offer meditative, brooding depictions of isolated families far removed from the rest of the world. Both families are willing to commit unspeakable acts on behalf of their loved ones. In this case, siblings Dwight (Patrick Fugit) and Jessie (Ingrid Sophie Schram) find themselves routinely tasked with murder so their sickly younger brother Thomas (Owen Campbell, Super Dark Times) can have the fresh blood to survive. In the vein of The Transfiguration or Martin, this brooding debut feature grounds its vampirism in reality and focuses on the constricting, devastating toll of familial obligation.
The Night of the Devils – Kanopy
A disturbed man, Nicola, recounts the story of getting stranded in the woods, only to find refuge in a charming family’s house. The longer he’s there, the more he uncovers something is deeply amiss. Witches, vampires, and sordid family secrets ensue. Like Mario Bava’s anthology segment “The Wurdulak” in Black Sabbath, The Night of the Devils is also based on The Family of the Vourdalak by Aleksey Konstantinovich Tolstoy. Director Giorgio Ferroni balances the gore and sleaze with haunting Gothic atmosphere and stunning cinematography. While it’s methodical in its buildup, the craftmanship and grim ending make this underseen Italian and Spanish co-production worth the watch.
Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat – Fandango at Home (formerly Vudu), Plex, the Roku Channel
Director Anthony Hickox (Waxwork, Hellraiser III) has a blast with his high concept horror comedy that sees vampires living in the reclusive desert town Purgatory. They seek a peaceful life, with the plan to get an artificial blood factory in operation. Everything goes off without a hitch until Van Helsing’s descendant, Robert Van Helsing (Bruce Campbell), arrives in town. It’s a vampire western horror comedy that lovingly pokes fun at vampire tropes. The simple setup becomes anything but thanks to town politics, new tourists, and Van Helsing’s irresistibility to a vampire (Deborah Foreman). David Carradine presides over the vampire hijinks as Count Jozek Mardulak. For those looking for something fun and lighthearted, this pick is your best bet.
Vamp – AMC+, Plex, the Roku Channel, Shudder, Tubi
This highly entertaining horror comedy features a vampire that doesn’t get nearly enough attention; Grace Jones exudes raw power as vamp Katrina. Robert Rusler and Chris Makepeace star as two fraternity pledges that venture into the city to hire a stripper, all to impress their frat brothers. They find themselves in a shady part of town, unaware that the dive bar they’ve entered is full of vampires. Naturally, they find themselves in an all-night battle for survival. The neon haze-soaked urban setting makes for a refreshing change of pace. The bromance between the leads is as sweet as it is funny. Most of all, though, watch for Grace Jones’ riveting performance.
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