[BD Review] ‘Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines’ Is Vile And Worthless

Sometimes when you’re on the set of a film your expectations for it can be somewhat heightened. I didn’t leave the set of Wrong Turn 5 expecting a great film, but I was expecting something slightly less excruciating. After all, the actors were nice! And writer/director Declan O’Brien seemed to be having fun with the material (at least he verbally professed his love for the franchise and its mutants)! It was a good experience overall and I was treated well by Mr. O’Brien and everyone on set. Plus, I sort of liked Wrong Turn 4 – so I was actually kind of excited to crack the seal on my screener.

But no. Wrong Turn 5 is easily the worst film in the series. I also believe that it’s one of the most worthless films I’ve seen in my adult life. I’m going to list some of the film’s comparatively minor problems first before I head into why it’s a truly offensive piece of work that insults not only horror fans, but humanity in general.

Here are ten minor issues with the film:

1. The direction isn’t incompetent, it’s just willfully lazy. Which is far less charming.

2. The hillbilly makeup is horrible, it looks like aged candle wax and is applied by people who clearly do not understand the concept of blending makeup to an actor’s existing skin tone.

3. The cannibals don’t actually seem interested in eating anybody (except for the first victim they kill). I’ve never seen hunters go so far out of their way to destroy, leave behind and bury potential sources of food.

4. Doug Bradley’s Maynard is the most annoying character I’ve seen in a horror film since I started working at Bloody-Disgusting.

5. They managed to photograph the sets, which actually looked okay in real life, in a way that makes the whole film seem like a nightmare someone had on the set of Synecdoche, NY.

6. We’re supposed to go along with the logic of a Sheriff who lets a group of kids out of jail because they asked to leave.

7. It takes place at a music festival that doesn’t seem to actually exist.

8. Three Finger, One Eye and Saw Tooth won’t stop giggling. They, like Maynard, are profoundly annoying.

9. The kills are unbelievably smug and and wholeheartedly stupid. I’ve never seen a film that thinks it has elaborate kills, but actually doesn’t. It’s like a 5-year-old watched one of the Saw sequels, whipped out his crayons and tried to design his own trap.

10. It’s boring.

Now that I’m warmed up, let’s get to the film’s major problem. It’s ugly, mean-spirited, stupid and seems to truly hate women. That’s an unwieldy combination. Have I watched gorier films than Wrong Turn 5? Yes. Have I watched darker films? Yes. Have I watched films with graphic depictions of rape? Yes. Does Wrong Turn 5 have a graphic depiction of rape? No. But somehow, through the sum total of its parts, it managed to be the one of the most truly unpleasant viewing experiences of my life.

I think part of the key here is the utter disdain the film has for its audience. This movie doesn’t care if you like it or not. It’s not meant to be enjoyed, it’s meant to be bought. It’s so cynical that it may very well be the first film in history that is actually 100% product. Since Thomas Edison invented the motion-picture camera , film has been involved in a tug-of-war between art and commerce. Here, commerce wins out. I feel like Mr. O’Brien doesn’t like this film and he doesn’t care if you do either.

All of this not giving a sh*t leads to an even deeper problem. As a piece of pure commerce, WT5 goes to places it has no right going to. I suspect O’Brien intended the film’s mean-spiritedness to play as goofy fun, but it’s grating to a punishing degree. Even worse, the film ends on the implication that Roxanne McKee’s character is going to be raped repeatedly by Maynard and the cannibals. This is designed to be a punchy ending that sends you out of the theater (or hitting the eject button on your Blu-ray player) on a high note. Instead, you just want to take a shower and pray to the heavens above that you never live to see a Wrong Turn 6. I guess O’Brien forgot to take into consideration the fact that four people raping a girl whose eyes have been gouged out is never funny!

Score: 1/10 – please note that the only reason I’m giving it a 1/10 and not a 0/10 is because I don’t want someone to look at the complete lack of skulls on the film’s page and think that it simply hasn’t been reviewed. Please just think of this one point towards the film’s ranking as a warning flare – stay away.

 

Official Score

  • John Marrone

    sometimes, on rare occasion, I want to be offended – but when the production is so poor is painful to watch anyhow, its all laborous and insulting and cheap. sounds like this has hit Leprechaun 5 level of low.

  • cryocore

    The review doesnt surprise me, but I am disappointed none the less. I alwasy hope that the law of diminishing returns doesnt hold true for sequels, but it almost always does. I only liked the first 2 in the series. I was hoping for a return to form, but it isnt to be.

    Oh well I have a shiny Blu-Ray copy of Cockneys vs Zombies and Company of Wolves waiting for me so no great loss as there are plenty of films out there.

  • djblack1313

    i watched this and it’s not too bad!!!! lol. it’s much better than both parts 3 & 4. it’s still not a great/good movie per se but it’s worth watching. the tractor kills are my favorite and i really liked the Sheriff. she was cool.

    • djblack1313

      i have to reiterate, this is NOT a good movie but it didn’t inspire me to turn it off. it’s watchable as long as the fast forward button is working on your dvd player. lol.

  • TwistedCritic

    I get where you’re coming from, but for a cheap horror movie, saying things like it made you want to take a shower afterwards sounds like an actual endorsement to some people. And I’m sure Wrong Turn 6 is already in the cards, although at this point the only exciting thing about this series is guessing when they’re gonna stop numbering them.

  • diapers

    Yep, I suffered through this recently. And I also kinda enjoyed part 4. The giggling is what got me seeing red. I’m going to re-watch 1 and 2, and then attempt to trick my brain into believing the franchise ended there. Please, please PLEASE no part 6!

  • ChrisB098

    I also found this movie to be so bad that it was offensive, but what got was how shallow and senselessly gory it was. Movies like this are why the horror genre has been stereotyped as mindless blood baths. I heard about this movie from a coworker at DISH who recommended it for Halloween. It seemed appropriate so I added it to my Blockbuster @Home queue, and it came in the mail today. I am really glad that I can take it back to the store and exchange it for something else because this would be embarrassing to show at my Halloween party. This better be the last one or we will have to organize a protest because it would be a crime against the entire horror genre to have another one of these pieces of trash associated with it.

  • princeasfi

    Well i would say this is not really a scary movie, and is more reliant on grossing you out with outrageous amounts of gore. The story is so bad and lacking content that to say that it is a prequel is wrong because it implies that the story actually goes somewhere and means something. This is more like a random chapter in the lives of the monsters that I guess happened before the events of the original…

    http://www.princeasfi.com

  • JoshM

    Before I state my GIGANTIC ISSUE WITH THIS FILM, I would like to briefly let you know where I stand with the first four. The first Wrong Turn is my favorite movie of all time. I didn’t understand the love affair that critics and common viewers alike felt for Wrong Turn 2, but I did like the movie. I thoroughly enjoyed number 3, and number 4 I liked even better. To sum up, I’d rank them the following way: 1, 4, 3, 2, 5.

    Wrong Turn 5 was the only one that I didn’t like, or love (I LOVED THE FIRST ONE). My disdain for 5 is so strong that I don’t even know if I can say that the first one is my favorite movie of all time anymore, because I’d HATE to have my favorite movie ever associated with this train wreck.

    I didn’t even have a problem with all of the gore, I couldn’t care less whether or not these people died, except for the sheriff, I thought she was cool. However,the implication of the repeated rape literally made me sick to my stomach. One of the reasons I liked the Wrong Turn franchise was because unlike other movies of its kind (The Hills Have Eyes, etc.) there was no rape, just killing. Although Bloodlines didn’t have rape visually, the implication is extremely heavy handed and I was hoping that they’d just run her over, not take her home to rape her over and over again. I feel like there will be a 6th installment in which Lita is pregnant with a mutated baby and maybe already had at least one. This movie changed the course of the series and made it something horrible. I’ve always hated rape more than anything and I avoid movies in which I know ahead of time that rape will occur. Again, no visual rape in Wrong Turn 5, or implied rape in any other installments of the franchise, but the extremely heavy handed implication of repeated rape that takes place after the movie ends ruined the whole thing for me, not that it was a masterpiece to begin with, but I found it tolerable up until they pick her up and you know what will follow.

  • DeadInHell

    It’s unfortunate that Declan O’Brien has been given inexplicable free reign over the Wrong Turn series. The first two films were each enjoyable in their own way. The third film, his first as director, was an obvious decline. Then he also took up writing duties and started churning out prequels…and this pointless garbage is the result.

    It’s depressing to see a potentially enjoyable horror series run into the ground by an aggressively talentless hack. We haven’t had a lot of new horror franchises since the turn of the century, and the ones we have gotten (i.e. SAW) have been severely lacking.

  • EasilyEntertained

    I was left asking myself, who finished this movie and said, “yes, this is ready to be released to the public, I can’t wait to show my family and friends this piece of work.”

    I was more entertained by trying to determine what materials were used in the set construction, and I have no set construction experience. Have NEVER thought about how a set was constructed until I saw this movie.

    When my roommate walked thru the door I had to profess “it’s really bad, you’ve been warned.” I was embarrassed to have been caught watching it.

    But with all of that said, I still…for some unexplainable reason…watched the entire movie *shrug*